Need help from those with experience with child raising with age gap

[IlMinded]

Hello all,

Looking for help. Recently found out my wife and I are expecting our fourth. This came with less joy as I would like, but have grown to trust my thought that everything will be ok. My wife and I had 3 kids within 4 years. We didn't "try" but were fortunate enough for it just to happen. After our third, we thought we were done.

Fast forward to this year and me taking an "SSRI Vacation" under the guidance of psychologist and psychiatrist. I had the typical male side effect of loss of intimate drive. This made the little effort to not having more easy to manage. Once that went away and the drive came back, well, look at the title. My biggest fear now is the age gap of my kids. There will be an almost 9 year gap between youngest and baby. My wife and I grew up in houses where the siblings were all close in age. As I do not personally have relationships with those with this situation, I was wondering what affect it has with the older siblings, if any? My 3 kids are amazing kids and I love them to death. I have noticed that all 3 are very emotionally sensitive and want to make sure that my wife and I create an environment that they can excel in. Any insight would be useful not only for my kids, but reassurance for me that I do got this.

I know tons of things can happen from now until birth, but my wife and I are keeping everything positive, as it should be.

[b1b1b1]

Don't worry. My husband has five children (adults now) from a first marriage, and one with me - the second marriage. The age gap between my son and the previous half siblings is about 15-20 years. The are all close and are tremendous golf partners. I very much doubt you will have any problem. Also, remember that as they get older the age gap tends to shrink and mean less and less. The difference between a 30 year old and a 39 year old is pretty minimal.

[IlMinded in reply to b1b1b1]

I'm more of the mindset of planning what I can at the moment. The age gap is not the issue, but having other kids help out is unsettling for me, even though it is what I am pushing for my current three. I just don't know, when the time comes, I can count on them for help. I guess there is more to it than meets eye as I have 2 physically handicapped parents, which we help with my sister, and can't rely on as much as I did with first three.

[Gealtachta]

that’s wonderful! I have 3 siblings, all older than me. My sister and I are 8 years apart, with two brothers in between us. I’m the youngest.

It is a but of a different situation because there were kids in between us. My sister was always pretty nice to me growing up. My brothers, not so much!

Now she and I are really close and neither of us is very close to our brothers. I’m not sure âge matters as much between siblings, as the relationships built with the each other.

[IlMinded in reply to Gealtachta]

Thanks, good to hear. This is one of my fears because the other three are so good and supportive of each other.

[Starrlight]

Hi! My kids are 27,15, and 11 so there’s a 16 year difference between the 1st and 3rd and they are all very close to one another I can’t recall one fight and they hang out a lot.

[IlMinded in reply to Starrlight]

thank you for this

[Gealtachta]

I was trying to say siblings will forge their our relationships with each other regardless of age.

It sounds like the baby will have lots of support.

[Tealpillow]

I was 11 when my first brother was born and 17 when my second brother came along. I adored them- always wanted to hold and play with them … and paint their nails because that’s what little brothers are for 😜

It sounds like you already have a good plan by talking to your kids and having them help out. I was surprised by my daughter’s negative reaction to having a sibling (she was 6) so I made it a point to give her lots of love and reassurance - and also letting her know the baby is HER little brother. Gives them a sense of ownership and made her a little more invested.

Keep posting updates!

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Well I come from a family of 3 older siblings. I mean much older like 20yrs older than me.

I didn't really bond with them until I became an adult. Because of the differences in our age. Plus there were some insecurities bought on when I was born. Like my sister JG who was the baby of the family until I came along. She absolutely hated that I was born because it took away her title. So make sure your youngest understands that the baby doesn't take anything away from the youngest. You still love them.

My eldest sister IG who is 23yrs older than me is the only one that really cared about me when I was born. She was happy about my arrival other than my mom and dad.

My brother who was 21yra older than me didn't care. Why should he as he saw it because I was a girl. There was no one there to help make him understand his role as a big brother. Hell he wasn't much of a brother to my other sisters either. But that was his personality.

That's another factor as well. If your older kids are smart, kind, empathetic kids. Who knows their roles and who they are in life. Have good personalities, I'm sure you won't have trouble with them accepting this new bundle of joy.

But just to be on the safe side. Have a good honest talk with your older kids and ask them how they really feel about it. And you guys can address it as a family.

Anyways that's my 2 cents. Hoping for the best for you all ❤️🫂