Need Tips to Help Change Focus and Keep Busy

[Elizabeth830]

I am going through a divorce and it has been turbulent. Our house is going on the market today or tomorrow. Today, Father’s Day is the first holiday where I have a family function to go to where my husband won’t be there. It is sure to be emotional for me on at least the inside. My son, age 28, is coming to the party when he is done with his father and I’m not sure how his emotions are going to play out.

Secondly, I am a teacher and my school year is coming to an end Friday so I won’t have work to go to and occupy my mind or a daily routine. That scares me, especially for the month of July. I’m trying to set up standing get togethers with some work friends but everyone has their own life, many are going on vacations with spouses and kids, I’m not. I’ve thought about getting a part-time job but don’t really want the stress that could be associated with it and I am moving to an apartment at the beginning of August. I could volunteer somewhere but am a little nervous about that. I could spend time with my mom but she can be a little toxic from time to time.

Just when I am finding my groove, the school year ends and I am afraid that all this time with my anxious/depressed brain will make me suffer a set back and regret decisions I have made in the last six months. I see a therapist weekly but sometimes the week is so long between visits.

[just_keep_swimming]

what’s things do you like to do ? Maybe each day you could walk or do something else that will help.

Also it’s okay to have those feelings about your divorce.

[Elizabeth830 in reply to just_keep_swimming]

Thank you for your response. Unfortunately a lot of my go to activities involve isolating. Puzzles, baking, watching tv, painting.

[mizzou7016 in reply to Elizabeth830]

get outside....go for a walk....enjoy the scenery....i also use painting as an outlet...i do pour painting...and when I am done I share my paintings on Facebook for my friends to see and start conversations..there are also painting groups that meet and do painting projects and such.....

finding my calm

[Elizabeth830 in reply to mizzou7016]

Where did you find out about painting groups? Crafts stores?

[mizzou7016 in reply to Elizabeth830]

Actually I found out about the 1 I attended through another program through my job. I have PTSD and anxiety and it helps keep my mind occupied on something other than the nastiness of the job....google pour painting....there are also programs in the community....check your community pages

[EnergeticTortoise]

Divorcing? means time for Drinking. period.

Divorce is a death, a real loss, but the other person never goes away. go on a couple wild weekends, get super whiskey drunk for your new day to celebrate, the Anti-Versary, Anniversary of the date of divorce. please don't think im making light of your situation, Drinking was my answer, you find your style of self care. And please look forward to all summer for gettin your groove back.

[Elizabeth830 in reply to EnergeticTortoise]

Lol. Yesterday I went to a party and had one drink…I felt sick and still feel sick. Drinking also messes with my meds. My so to be ex was a recovering alcoholic…

[Hidden]

My therapist also suggested volunteering. I believe it's something to look into. It'll take up some of that extra time as well as helping people or animals. Personally, I binge watch good TV shows lol maybe not the healthiest thing but it helps.

Wishing you peace and sending light ✨️

[Hidden]

Can you get a couple of kittens? I have found that it's impossible not to smile while watching them wrestle and pounce on each other. 🧡

[Elizabeth830 in reply to Hidden]

I am allergic to cats. LOL. I mean I could get the shots...

[Hidden in reply to Elizabeth830]

It's nice to be around living things (to which you're not allergic) Even a bird feeder, plants, or fish. When my landlord said no cats or dogs, I got pet rats. Rats are smart and friendly, but they only live about 2 years.

[Hidden]

Can you get a couple of kittens? I have found that it's impossible not to smile while watching them wrestle and pounce on each other. 🧡

[Saugus12]

Former teacher here….boy does this resonate with me. People would be jealous of our “summers off”, and yet for me the summers were insufferable due to the lack of schedule and anxiety taking over. One thing that helped, get outside. Doesn’t have to be anything special…I’d take a beech chair and a good book down to the town common and sit/read…just being outside around people, even if I wasn’t directly interacting with them, helped.

[Elizabeth830 in reply to Saugus12]

It’s funny how everyone would love to have summers off yet people like use have a hard time with it. Thank you for confirming I’m not alone.

[Saugus12 in reply to Elizabeth830]

The last day of school is a total shock to the system for people like us. My therapist and I would joke that I’d just have to somehow get through the summer and then my mental health would improve come September. Teaching was helpful for my anxiety in that I’d be so engaged mentally there was no room for any intrusive, obsessive thoughts etc

[Elizabeth830 in reply to Saugus12]

Exactly!

[Midori]

Have you thought of offering summer tutoring? I don't know what it involves licence- wise; but if that's what you like best, go for it.

I can understand you missing this, it's a 3 month hiatus in your year, and it must be odd not to have to get up and into that regime each day.

Not sure what else to suggest.

cheers, Midori

[Elizabeth830 in reply to Midori]

Thank you for your response. I teach business and there isn't a demand for a tutor for business. I absolutely could do that, and have done it for college students. Luckily my hiatus is only just July and August. This morning my Aunt emailed me and invited me to come visit her for a week in July, so there is one week spoken for. LOL

[Mumbutterfly]

I understand about turbulence caused by divorce and how it affects holidays. There is no easy answer. It helps a little to celebrate around special days instead of just on the day on the calendar.

The meetup app can be good for finding local activities as well as the public library calendar. I live in a relatively small city so the app doesn’t have much here. The library has sponsored some things that might be interesting but my work schedule interferes most of the time.

I love to read so that’s how I spend most of my time. It’s isolating but I need the time to heal. You mentioned some of the things you like to do. They may be isolating but it’s important to give yourself time to do things you like, especially this summer. If you like to listen to audiobooks, that’s something that can keep your mind occupied while you do things. There’s a library app called Libby that allows you to check out audiobooks as well as ebooks. All you need is a library card.

You mentioned thinking about a part time job and/or volunteering. I don’t know what’s available in your area or how to find out but you don’t have to do either if you don’t think you’ll enjoy them. This is a good time to focus on your own needs. I’m a caregiver for the elderly and I enjoy it but I mostly work night shifts because I need the time to focus on caring for myself as well.

Hope you find what works for you