Need to Rant: I am a single mom with... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Need to Rant

hunter4ransom
hunter4ransom

I am a single mom with two very different, but wonderful kids. Caleb is 18 and Amelia 17 next month. I struggle financially, mentally, and emotionally every day. Anxiety is the beast that likes to control me and my thoughts on my worst days.

In June my child support got cut in 1/2 because I didn’t know I was to call child support and inform them my 18 year old disabled son did not graduate. There is no getting it back unless I hire an attorney which I can’t afford. My child support is way more than what I make as a Paraeducator.

I have a boyfriend of 7 years that I live with. He is the main provider of the family, but horrible and incredibly selfish with money. I see us as a family and he sees himself separate. He lives way beyond his means and wants more than what we can afford. His mom, who is now in a nursing home with advancing Alzheimer’s, has never told him “no” and has always paid his way. He/we have a 2500 sq ft home in a beautiful neighborhood (in his mom’s name) that’s 2k a month. He has a Harley Davidson that is $550mo. He has a brand new King Ranch FordF450 that is $900mo. My daughter and I drive old beat up Toyotas that barely run, but are paid for. He pays house, truck, and bike and I pay for EVERYTHING else. Power, gas, food, cable, internet, cell phones, garbage, water, city fees, vet bills, dog food, clothing, school fees, doctor appointments, auto insurance, car maintenance, anything extra.... I was stretched thin with the full child support, but I’m excellent at budgeting and made it work.

With my recent dip in income, I’ve needed to lean on him to pay bills I no longer can and help out with all the little stuff I used to be able to afford but can’t. He blew up on me today because one of our dogs needs a vet visit and I hv no money. He told me it’s bullshit that he can’t buy a toolbox and extra fuel tank for his ridiculously expensive Ford F450 truck or buy a $300 ticket to take me or my daughter on a business trip with him. I’m sitting here with a $325 power bill that’s past due, a daughter who wants to know when we will back school shop, 2 dogs past due for shots (one with severe itching problem), empty fridge and cupboards, clothes that no longer fit (I’ve lost ton of weight due to stress), me and kids are in desperate need of haircuts, and my bank account is running low. I get paid once a month by the school district. I just got paid on the 1st. My boyfriend’s solution is to cancel cable and Internet and boot my daughter off my auto insurance (which her child support pays for) and force my 18 year old son with autism spectrum disorder and severe sleep disorder to get a job and pay rent.

I’m low income and can’t afford to live on my own. Low income apartments in my area have a 5+ year wait list and are riddled with drugs and violence. Even working a 2nd job wouldn’t afford an apartment for me and my kids out here. It would afford a studio in the scary part of town, but that is not an option.

I don’t know how I got to this point and I’m trying desperately to find a way out.

Sorry I went on a rant. Lol! I just need to get these toxic feelings and thoughts out. There is no where to go but up. I’m in pure survival mode and wish I had never left my cozy comfy little low income apartment and hard to come by job in N Idaho to move to WA for the boyfriend I’m with. He is proving to be another bad choice on my part. Story of my life. Oh well, the past is the past and I must live for today and make better choices for my future.

Anybody in WA state need a roommate or better yet, rent one of our spare rooms? Lol! If I don’t laugh I’ll cry.

🤪Eileen

12 Replies
Hidden
Hidden

Awww, Ms Eileen, I am so sorry to hear to hear about all this. Your boyfriend doesn’t sound very good to you. :( You’re such a sweet lady, & don’t deserve all of this stress. I know what it’s like to be financially stressed too. I’m paying so much money for therapy right now that if I didn’t have my parents, I don’t know what I would do! I hope things get better for you. You always have me to talk to if you need me! Love you, sweet lady! xo

hunter4ransom
hunter4ransom in reply to Hidden

((Hugs)) Kayla! I love seeing your sweet face and reading your posts. You are one strong lady and I’m so blessed to have your friendship and support.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to hunter4ransom

Lots of hugs & love to you!!! You’re such a wonderful person & I am so blessed to know you! Thank you for always being here for me as well! <3 I think of you daily!! We can get through this! xo

Sorry to hear about all of your problems. It is understandable for your need to rant. I don't have any advice to give but hope that things work out for you. It would be nice if you got more support (financially and emotionally) from those that should be giving it to you.

Please don't apologize. You needed to let off some steam. I wish I had some solutions for you, but I will keep you (and everyone else here) in my prayers.

I feel your pain. I'm on my own and I'm a nurse so my situation is a little different than yours, but I left a great job for what should have been a better job 2 years ago and it's been a downward spiral since. One closed unit to shift cancellations to cancelled contract wherever I go. I think I'm on my 6th place since that job. I went from stressing about having to use my credit cards, to stressing about having no credit left, to wondering if I could pay the utilities before they get shut off. I wish I had some advice that could help you, but I don't. Just know you aren't alone. We always seem to get by somehow, don't we? And it's 100x worse when you're supporting children, sometimes I feel like such a disappointment. I started doing mindfulness meditation and it really helps me when I stress about finances. I close my eyes, wherever I'm at, focus on my breathing and tell myself "right now, I'm okay. And right now, I could open my eyes to a million dollar mansion or a cardboard box, but I will still be this same soul in this same body, who, at this moment, is ok." I've never been a materialistic person, but I'm also not the best with managing money. Idk why, but closing my eyes and thinking about how I would still be the same person in here regardless of what I see when I open them really helps me get through sometimes. 😉 Hugs!

WOW, alot to read. Do you live in the USA? If you do, you can apply for Social Security disability independently because he's an adult. My brother has 3 adult kids he gets Social Security disability for all 3 of them. It's a process, so if you do live in the USA? Start applying

Good luck

Yes, I live in WA. I’ve started the social security disability process. It’s been a fight, but in the process. It’s another huge stress for me, but I’m a survivor and won’t give up.

Hidden
Hidden

Hi Hunter- you should totally get in touch with social security. I do t know the rules for adult children, but if your son can’t work , you’ve got everything to gain by looking into it.

One thing that caught my attention. You say you look at your household as a family but your boyfriend sees him and the rest of you. You and your kids are living in his house- not all in a family home.

You two are not married. After 7 years, it probably would have gone that way if it was going to.

You can’t afford to move - okay, the for the good of yourself and your kids, realize that you and your kids are a family who live in someone else’s house (boyfriends mother $

Boyfriend is not your family. Then look at everything from that perspective.

Hopefully you can get some SSI or SsDI for your son, and eventually find an affordable place of your own. Don’t beat yourself up for leaving your place that was low income; what’s done is done and life has no rewind button!

Not trying to be harsh, it’s just better to see reality as is, not how you want it to be.

All the best to you xxx

hunter4ransom
hunter4ransom in reply to Hidden

The only reason my boyfriend’s mom helped us out with the house is because I was her caregiver and was considering moving back to Idaho because Washington is too expensive. My boyfriend was on board. His mom (she became my mom and best friend) offered to help “us” with the house so we would stay. This was when she was in early stages of Alzheimer’s and still very capable. I was very conservative looking at homes as I’m very budget minded. My boyfriend, on the other hand, wanted way more than even he could afford on his own. It was a battle, but we found a home we both loved and he said he could afford. I told him my child support could not be depended on as it will end and he said “we will be fine.” Ha! The house is willed to both my boyfriend and I when she passes. I share POA and executorship with boyfriend’s little brother.

I pay every bill in this house minus the mortgage. If my kids and I are a family living in his home, paying him rent would be much cheaper than all I’m paying for now. It’s funny how it’s “our” money when I had more income, but now that my income has decreased it’s his money vs my money.

If you love someone and move them and their kids from one state where they were fine on their own to another state where they will be more dependent on you, they should be much more supportive and a lot less selfish. That’s where my hurt comes from. All he has ever wanted is a family. I’ve provided a loving, stable, comfortable little family for him which he craved and adored until the money stopped flowing and life stress got too much to handle. He caved, now I’m sinking along with him and trying desperately to save all of us and I can’t.

I appreciate your perspective and it holds some value and truth. It definitely puts a new spin on how to look at my living situation and relationship with my boyfriend. It isn’t good and I know I need to find a way out.

Hidden
Hidden

Ah there’s a lot more to the story.

I’ve just learned from the school of life that what you see, not what you wish is what you get.

Yeah when you had more it was “ours” but now it’s “his” . Even though you were caring for his mother with Alzheimer’s......

Hope you know my bluntness was meant in the best of intention , not a cut down . I think you sound like a strong and kind person. Hope the bf deserves you.

Awesome, I'm glad you're not giving up. I have relatives that have had to hire an attorney for this. So yes it can be a hard battle. I had trouble getting disability for my anxiety, I worked with machinery Where I could get hurt. She said I should still go to work? I would get a month here and there. I ended up retiring early. So keep up the good fight, your son deserves it. 😊

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