Life feels like a constant roller coaster, and I could fall out at any time.
Last week I learned that my uncle had been hospitalized because he was threatening to kill himself and had the cops called on him. He threatened to kill anyone that got in his way.
I also told my mom and family for the first time that I was raped. My mom came and visited me which was half good and half strange and hard and heartbreaking because I miss her so much.
I go on a huge international trip on Monday for 2 weeks and I’m so terrified that it’s going to be awful and horrible and I’m going to be so depressed and anxious the whole time I won’t be able to enjoy it.
I want to sit in my apartment all day. I don’t want to do anything. My mind feels off kilter always and I just want to seclude myself.
I have major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, dermatitillia (spelling? It’s where you constantly pick at your skin), and maybe psychosis?
I’m taking medication, and seeing a therapist. But I always walk out of therapy feeling wounded or a unsettled. Maybe that’s the point.
In short....this all feels like too much work to handle. It’s so hard to just take care of myself. I’m functioning and going to work but I really just want to curl up in a corner and let moss grow over me.