So tired of it

[Ryleyboy]

I have a history of depression accompanied by anxiety. Had my first episode at 17.

My mom who was in her late nineties passed away end of December.

Her health began deteriorating last August and it was just a brutal 3 months before she died.

I went into a depression in October which lasted about 6 weeks then gradually began to improve. I am on anti depressants and have been for over 30 years. The dose has been increased. The psychiatrist said I override the medication I guess, when I go into a depressive episode.

The last several days I feel like I’m sinking again. I have lots of supports in place but not really my husband’s support anymore. He says he is feeling fed up with it. I’m not always depressed but it has been a rough past while and he’s tired of it, as I am myself. I do all I can to help myself, keep active, eat well, have hobbies, but still my mood is up and down.

I am feeling a bit hopeless and grieving the loss of my dear mom whom I saw every day pretty much for the last 15 years

[Ryleyboy]

thank you!

[Hidden]

I find it so hard to know what to say to someone who’s lost someone dear to them like you have. I like to think that they’re up in heaven watching over you.

[Ryleyboy in reply to Hidden]

I like to think that too, but it doesn’t help when I just want to have her right here with me, so we can go for a ride in the car or go out for lunch or take her on Fridays to the hairdresser. Some people say I should feel grateful for having her for so long, but having her so long just made it harder to lose her. Thank you for replying and I understand it is hard to know what to say and I appreciate your caring

[Hidden in reply to Ryleyboy]

I understand what you’re saying too. I have a Mom who is 80 who means so much to me. When she dies I know it will be very difficult for me to process it. I really do care.

[Wakeboarder24]

one of the hard parts of depression is wondering when it’s going to end

[Tealpillow in reply to Wakeboarder24]

So true! When I get in a depressive episode I have to tell myself not to forecast. Don’t think about the future - just focus on today. Much easier said than done but I find it helps ease the burden when I stay in the moment.