Tired of being tired.

[JoanaD]

I'm a 28 first time mom and I had depression when I was younger and I thought I never have to deal with it again.that I could handle it as I got older. But after my so was born I ran into people who enabled me to make bad decisions.My fiance thinks I can just do it. be happy and go outside and be normal.its hard to explain to someone that these fears Festers inside and you feel alone in the world. It makes me self loathe myself more and isolate even more. I used to handle it better. But I can tell my fiance thinks it's all in my head and instead of the support I need, it's tough love.he knows how to trigger me and never resolve it. Ignore it and it'll be finein the morning or whenever heaoes tome for it. He says to Make better decisions and then I'll be okay. I'm up all night worrying that I'm never going to be good enough in his eye or my family.that mlim a bad mom. And that my fiance is already resenting me. I love my family and my son is the best thing that ever happened. But I'm tired of worrying so much and making bad decisions and then I'm made to look like I'm crazy and that I'm wrong and I have to man up and be normal. When I'm asking for help Im just so tired of feeling this weak. I wish I can get out of head and enjoy life and make friends again.

[CazO46]

Congratulations on becoming a mom. I remember well just how exhausting it is to have a baby then a toddler. I think it can be hard for people who have experienced this level of fear or depression to understand how it makes you feel. Perhaps your support needs to come from other people who do understand. I know it's hard to believe be you are more than enough, your son is not judging you, he just knows he is loved. I think we are often too hard on ourselves and to show ourselves greater self care and compassion. Take care

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry your suffering with this...but if your fiancée isn't being helpful....I would stop talking about your depression or anxiety to him, he obviously does not want to be understanding and is throwing out what he thinks would be the solution. When you approach a guy with a problem...he thinks he's supposed to fix it....and this he cannot fix so he may be getting frustrated. You need outside help before you go any further down the road of self blaming for a condition you cannot help any more than if you had heart disease. So you made some bad decisions...we all do, and then we can either find a solution to make it better, or learn to let it go, and have learned from our mistakes. You can't stay in regret for whats already been done.

Are you in any therapy, I know it requires leaving the house, but if your able to, I would suggest you look into getting some professional help that isn't going to dismiss your feelings and give you some validation and clarification on what's going on with you.

[JoanaD in reply to fauxartist]

I'm actually trying to get into therapy and have told him about counseling for himself so he can more sensitive and compassionate instead of instant rage. It's going slow pase. Mainly because I don't like to be out in public and he likes to not talk about it or pretend were doing fine.Im going back to DJing for weddings and birthdays within the next couple of weeks and there's a constant fear that I get in my chest that I won't be as good as I used to be. And I don't want to let anyone down.

[fauxartist in reply to JoanaD]

I'm happy for you two in therapy...yes it's slow..but it's healthy to move forward for both of you. When ever I had to get ready for a job, I prepared in advance...maybe you could just do dry runs at home and practice what you would have lined up for your gigs...check out your equipment and make sure you have back up cables etc. if need be. That always helped me feel more secure going into a job, double checking I had all my tools in working order,and all the supplies I needed to get the job done, and back ups to things I made need...you'll do great....you have obviously done this before...it's why your getting gigs so your doing something right....just get warmed up and do what you know how to do...

[EmLee96]

depression is a sneaky illness- it comes up when you least expect or when you think it is gone for good. you need someone who will support you and help you get through this hard time. if your fiance isn't being supportive or wanting to help you, is this really the guy that you should spend the rest of your life with?