Will I ever feel “normal”?

[Ivygreens]

First time user of this group, I’ve suffered with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder since my early teens and now as a 30 year old adult I am better managing, but wondering how to feel totally normal… My mental health history started abruptly one day out of the blue with an all encompassing panic attack to which I took as that I was dying… After that, the anxiety has stayed, at pretty significant levels 7/10 most days with bought’s of panic attacks leaving me feeling surreal and that I was orbiting on a whole different planet, or just not real at all. Shortly after the first panic attack came a deep depression and it’s been back and forth with combinations of both for over 16 years.

I took Effexor for a short time and stopped when I was 16 due to side effects. After I had my first child at age 23 I started on pristiq and found I was barely surviving, my MD switched me to Prozac which I am on now, and have found good effects but still suffering with symptoms at times. I am definitely much happier, but then my anxiety kicks in and says “Hey, what if this is mania or psychosis setting in”? I also received a psych consult shortly after my switch to Prozac where they had felt I had atypical depression, complex PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder and emotional eating disorder.

So, here I am today.. wondering if I’ll be dragged back into the dark depths and not be able to swim out … instead of enjoying my better mental health, I worry it’s a hoax or maybe a cruel joke , and that I’ll never truly be “normal”.

Also to add, I am a successful working professional who is married to with children, I struggle with imposter syndrome too, some days I’m fine … other days feel like the end of the world.

Thanks for reading this far and offering any insight or experiences.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Welcome to this community. There are a number of kind, supportive people here.

I identify with your symptoms and some of your diagnoses. I’m also taking Prozac and it’s working fine. I’m also on some additional meds, which give me a good baseline to work from. I’m also in therapy and have an extensive support system. With that combination, I’m pretty stable. But breakthrough depression and anxiety still can be triggered. I’ve learned tools to deal with those periods.

Normal is not a word I am very familiar with. Since I was diagnosed, I’ve had to accept I have a mental illness that I need to treat. I am happy I can do as much as I do. And do the best I can at any given moment.

Just know that you’re not alone.

[Ivygreens in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

thank you! 🙏

[RupertBrown]

Welcome to the community. You may want to look into a book called "The Body Keeps the Score", if you haven't already. It's probably the best book available on trauma response and PTSD. Understanding how our body adapts to trauma can be really eye opening. I feel like a lot of my issues stem from mild PTSD, Having a better understanding of what that means has been a tremendous help to me. It might be helpful for you as well. At any rate glad to have you here, and I hope you find what you're looking for! Sending courage and peace to you and yours.

[Agora1]

Welcome Ivygreens to a caring and understanding support group. xx