I try so hard to not let my anxiety and depression affect my family, especially my kids. But unfortunately, they see it all. The crying, lying on the floor until I get the will to move, and husband yelling “what’s wrong with you,”. I’m on a high dose of Zoloft (175mg) but the anxiety is so friggin intense. Probably because so far this week we’ve have two shooting threats at my kids school.
I like to be alone to calm down but someone is always in my space: banging on my door, asking for food, siblings fighting, huge messes I’ll have to clean up etc. it’s never ending cycle of stress.
Anyways, the reason for this post is to hopefully get advice from other parents on how they handle their worst days in front of the family. Do you just let yourself melt down in front of them or try to sneak away? I don’t want to damage them more than I already have.
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it sounds like you’re already trying to do what you need to, ie provide them security. Sometimes our kids catch us at our worst- you try to shield them from it, but we’re all human. You are their safe haven so if you do feel you’re acting a certain way that could mentally hurt your kids you could work on counseling/self help for yourself?
Thank you for replying. I’m on meds and see a psychiatrist. I’ve been to three therapists, one called me a victim and sent me to another therapist who rolled her eyes when I told her I was sexually assaulted as a child and again at 17. She exasperatedly said “omg” and never rescheduled me. So, yes I’m trying to get help. I just feel like my brain is broken. Or as my kids call it “glitching out”.
finding a good therapist can be difficult- pray about it; I hope you find the right fit. Maybe, saying positive affirmations out loud and think of ways to improve the present; you can’t change the past trauma. Keep a journal if you don’t already. Also, I keep in mind for myself that when I’m not feeling good it’s easy to see things in a negative light. I’m not saying that was your experience, I just wouldn’t read into the situation too much because they’re there to help you, not vice versa. best wishes for you and your family. Hugs to you
I do relate to your problem. I raised a child as a single mother and I did not tell her what my problems really were. I didn't have complete meltdowns and sometimes when I felt like I had to have a meltdown I was really able to find a place to be alone for even just a few minutes. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way I do think after having been a mother who didn't discuss her dilemma with her family that maybe it is good that you try family counseling try and help them understand that you have a problem that they just do not relate to. Does not make you stupid worthless or incompetent but it does mean you need their support. Family therapy is an idea finding a book for family members who suffer with those with mental illness maybe could be an outlet getting yourself into individual therapy. I feel your pain I know what it's like not to have a moment to yourself to go through these emotions. This is a serious condition for you. In my opinion those closest to you in your life especially when you can't hide from them. Need to be able to at least be given the opportunity to try to understand you. Children are young they are resilient. Think of what they might be seeing on the outside that they might be scared they don't understand what's happening to you. They must be worried in some capacity. I hope something I've said here helps to relieve your anxiety your pain. It's in times like these where this community can very much be beneficial to you keep posting. Try to take care of yourself and be well ✌️🌈❤️
this has been incredibly insightful! I’ve tried to consider their point of view but because of depression I’m lying to myself that they don’t love me. Thanks for helping me understand that they are just scared and don’t know what is going on - I can definitely seek family counseling.
I don’t know about Zoloft for anxiety but it is a good antidepressant. It has little side effects. If. You have been on it for 6 weeks and see no relief you may need to talk to your doctor and change to a new antidepressant. If it were me I would excuse myself when the anxiety is worse and go in my bedroom and close the door. Your kids No you have anxiety but don’t need to witness it. Many mothers are having anxiety over the school shootings.
Sounds like you may be dealing with trauma/c-ptsd from your childhood and could benefit from finding a therapist that specializes in treating trauma/c-ptsd. The repressed emotions could also be exacerbating your anxiety. My trauma therapist used emdr as part of the therapy which is proven to be very helpful for healing trauma.
I think I will try EMDR. Sometimes my issues get so bad that I literally understand why folks used shock therapy. Sometimes my brain feels so broken apart that maybe I can be shocked back into being normal. Or maybe not and I can just start emdr instead 😉
I definitely recommend doing emdr with a trauma therapist and not a general therapist. I tried it initially with a general therapist and it wasn't helpful but was when I worked with the trauma therapist as part of the therapy.
Another really helpful thing for me was learning what anxiety really is and how it's our bodies way of protecting us but is sometimes malfunctioning. I learned that our anxious thoughts are lies and to never believe them no matter what. Learning and practicing simple mindful meditation helped me to be able to observe them and not attach to them. Over time it has really helped. You might find the DARE anxiety book and youtubes helpful.
You're welcome, glad to help hope you find a good one. i suggest spending time checking them out on their websites and profiles on sites like Psychology Today listings of therapists, etc... I even interviewed them ahead of time to see if I thought they were a good fit for me. And don't be afraid to fire one and replace them if they aren't helpful. Also, the more you can research about what is really going on for you and what you need to heal it can be really helpful. There is so much good info on youtube anymore about healing anxiety/depression and stress overwhelm, etc...
You're welcome and welcome back. One of the things that has helped me is ACT therapy, it's about learning to allow and be open and curious about our feelings/thoughts of anxiety/depression so we can understand what it's trying to tell us. There are some good books on it and also youtube videos. Our suffering is from denying and fighting those feelings that we deem painful to us. Also, listening to our thoughts and figuring out what our subconscious beliefs are is really helpful because they are what are driving us. Once we become aware of our programming we then have the choice of being able to change or accept them and replace them with constructive, helpful beliefs.
My mother suffered from her nerves all her life, I knew since I was a small child. It didn't leave me scarred, that was Mum. I just accepted that was the way she was.
So let them all know 'you're suffering from stress'. It takes a weight off your shoulders and allows other family members to help: even the smallest among them.
We should all 'come out' more with our anxiety issues rather than hide them away. If we broke a leg we wouldn't feel the need to hide it.
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xx
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