Running away

[Lookingforhope20100]

I've been working two to three jobs lately, and it's starting to take a toll on me. I've been on new meds for a while, mostly anger medications, and they make me feel empty and crappy. I want to talk to my therapist about it, but I don't see him for a few months, and I feel like I have backtracked in my life because I am back where I started a year ago. I'm working many dead-end jobs and barely get to see my kid. I try not to feel this way, but it's hard not to, and with all the medications I take, I can't pinpoint which one makes me feel this way. I started to smoke nicotine and pot again, and I drank like a fish to escape the demons in my head. I'm going out of town this week to physically escape my city and the memories it holds. Have you ever wanted to leave to run away and go somewhere new where no one knows you? Well, I feel that way all the time. But I have too much keeping me where I'm at. I don't live at home anymore, and I just want to go back. Life was so much easier back then when I was younger. But also, back then, I didn't have a loving boyfriend or a mom. After nearly a decade, I finally got my mom back, the real one, not the drug-induced mother I used to have.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I’m glad you got your mom back. That’s good news.

Isn’t there any way to see a therapist sooner? It seems like an awful long time to have to wait.

I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. Keep posting. We’re here for you. You are not alone.

[EndUser13]

Even if it feels like you're spinning your wheels the important thing is that you are making an effort! I can't speak to wearing yourself thin, but I think we can all appreciate the occasional need to get away from it all.

I can relate to medications that help but offer emotional blunting, it sucks. I wish I had a helpful idea of how to deal with that, other than trying different meds.

Self-medicating can help, or it can become a crutch. I've always been an advocate for loosely regulated drugs and will occasionally smoke medical marijuana myself. The problem with alcohol and anxiety/depression is that it can end up hurting your position, even if it helps for short periods. Moderation is key, if you do self-medicate.

Congrats on the loving boyfriend and good luck with mom, see, progress!