Looking for advice

[_Mr_Nobody_]

Hello fellow strugglers. I would like to thank everyone here for being here to support Each other.

I've vented here a few times, got some feedback from people and it has helped me on my journey.

For the past week or so, I've been feeling myself regress again, slowly retreating into the darkness and it's getting harder to believe I'll ever escape it. I so badly want to believe that I can be better that I can do better, but I always end up here. Right back to worrying about the future, ruminating over past regrets wishing I that have done things differently. Thinking about every relationship I had that didn't work out because of my depression causing issues in the relationship, thinking about people I wish were still in my life had I not been such an arsehole to them. Thinking about how 3 years ago I lost the only teaching job I had after getting my teaching certificate and have been unable to secure another job since August 2022.

Everything that has ever haunted my thoughts have come back . I go through these times where I think I'm making progress, I'm not so down anymore, then the darkness comes back.

How do I make sure that I don't skip back ? How do I make sure that I don't undo all the progress I've made?

It's genuinely feeling like I'm never going to stop being so depressed and depressing. It scares me so much. I'm scared that at some point I'm just going to end my life and I don't want to put my family through that.

What has genuinely helped you to make solid progress and not go back to dark? I'm in tears as I type this I don't know what to do anymore.

Everytime I go to therapy I feel better, then, I go regress eventually and feel like I'm right back where I started. Then I feel like I'm wasting the therapists time.

I am running out of energy to apply to jobs but I don't have a choice I'm nearly 30, still live with my mom. If I don't get a job how the fuck am I going to take care of myself if my mother passes!

I don't want to be this pathetic mess anymore, but everytime I find myself running out of energy to do anything.

If there's something I can do, to make sure that I don't slip, that I can make progress without falling back to my old patterns it would be much appreciated. I'm so tired

[Ellamaye]

You know there's no magic cure I'll say it out loud if you can't bear to x you clearly have beaten this before though or at least made progress and you will again. And the job search must be so hard on you. Its hard on a person who doesn't suffer depression so please give yourself credit for that. I tie myself up in nots thinking of the worst outcomes in situations. But in reality you will find a job and won't live at mums forever x don't give up on yourself please 🙏

[_Mr_Nobody_ in reply to Ellamaye]

Yeah, I know. But I I wish there was some magic pill or something. I really hope I do get something, I can't stand not working anymore

[Downinil]

Hi! #1) You are Somebody. :2) You answered your own question.

[_Mr_Nobody_ in reply to Downinil]

Hi, what do you mean by point 2?

[Downinil in reply to _Mr_Nobody_]

You mentioned therapy helps when you’re in therapy so you answered your own question.

[_Mr_Nobody_ in reply to Downinil]

I see, isn't that not really good? If I can't stay in an okay mindset without having a therapist? I want to be able to survive on my own. I really want to be able to not need a therapist to survive life

[catsrock]

Have you tried tapping meditations? They help me a lot. I just do the free ones at this site: thetappingsolution.com/

[_Mr_Nobody_ in reply to catsrock]

I have never heard of it, I will give it a try. Thanks

[SayNOtoPanic]

Hang in there. Accept the setback and the struggle, recognize it as you have here, vent about it and then say I’m done with this. Pushing forward moving back up. Anxiety and depression just wants to pull you in when there’s a struggle and then everything amplifies. Try walking and doing mindfulness, identify things around you without judgement just identify them and keep doing that when you feel this way. The fear and thoughts will get quieter. You got this. Lifting you in prayer 🙏🏻.

[Goddess-E]

Let me ask you a question, what would your life be like if you did not suffer with depression.?

Here is some food for your thoughts.

instagram.com/reel/CsKQ_dJO...

[_Mr_Nobody_ in reply to Goddess-E]

I think that I would be in a better living situation than I am now. I believe that I would have my own home, a life partner, a good job. It's what I crave right now.