Mom and Grandma are sick chronically. Christmas seems like incoming doom

[Against_the_current]

How am i supposed to heal?! Every time i try to get my head above water, the world slapps me. And blames for being sick.Mom got anemia. Granma got some heart issues and every time i call her she sounds dying and panics the hell out of me. Seeing them for Christmas is already hard and what about seeing them sick.

What did i do to deserve this?! I was just trying to adult and Boom pandemic, war, dad's baby, mom drinking, mom sick, sis sick, Grandma sick. If she dies i won't be able to take it. Hearing her voice like that brings me insane panic.

Tried to call sis to ask when we're traveling. She didn't pick up. I'm panicing

Won't call mom cause it's 7pm and might have started

Im dying. I need help and i seek it but it only gets worse. I need a friend rn but my irl friends, collegues, teachers only blame me for being so mentally ill. How can i not be?! And my online friends are the best i have, just half of them panics me mom's depressed and the other half sexualises me. And my therapist made it worse. I have 2 therapists. My longer one. She said my parents divorsed because i was in love with my father. Wtf. Wtf. After that i wanted to quit talking to her and stay with my main therapist but with this happening(mom and Grandma's sickness) i fear i might need her. The thing is that she doesn't help, but she's available on the phone and when i go to Grandma's for Christmas she might pick up my call while the other one doesn't help on the phone. Anyway maybe i should quit her anyway because what she said is unacceptable even though she's a psychoalalisist (in psychoanalyse everyone's like "You're in love with your parents. You have Oedipus complex" and as a psychology student this drives me crazy). And i will just tell her how miserable i am and she will leave me there drown in my own words. She taught me to always complain. Mom and grandmothers too. Espessially when they're sick. I can't bear this. Christmas is so dark. Why is this happening? Mom and Grandma sixk. And If i panic, they will scold me i make them feel worse but how not to panic? And sis isn't picking the phone. Im saying it now but it burns my brain so much that at some point i might stop sharing and this will be the end of me. Everything will be inside ruining me. I won't be able to function and i'm graduating. But since im 22 and mom and Grandma are old who cares. And idk for new year. Last new year was terrible. At home with mom and sis. Idk now after Christmas whether to go home, stay in my toxic home for a week and celebrate new year and see dad, or dismiss family and come back to my accomodation after Christmas. I would go for the second option but i'm scared dad would be offened i won't see him these holidays.

[Hidden]

It sounds like you are suffering from a number of very negative thoughts about yourself and your relationship to others. This is a large topic covering many different areas of your life. I would suggest learning about cognitive behavioral therapy as a way of dealing with your thoughts. You may also find it helpful to read some of the Stoic philosophers' writings. They tend to be quite simple and straightforward and make a lot of sense today.

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. Yeah i really think cbt and stoic might be more helpful

[Vasiliki99]

by my age 41 u just ccept that life is thus bad n dont be so emotional just treat it pragmaticlly. i do meditation listen tochanting n god type stuff n just lie there n stare t the walls wen finished jobs - the point ius that everone is unhaoppy u hve red between the lines all families suffer all hve unhappy shitty lives with pills,sleep deprivation,porn, stupidity n misery really there is nothing but complexity n being human is impossible. i wish hd loved myself more n been less ddicted to xcitement time is a prison n having family of ur own helps or jobs tht mke u responsible u cn do nything cuse humans only lie so just join in n lie sometimes

[Against_the_current in reply to Vasiliki99]

Thanks. I thought just my life sucks

[Vasiliki99 in reply to Against_the_current]

NO everyone underneath suffers in life - I thinkyou just have to make u can on the surfaces of it

[Vasiliki99 in reply to Vasiliki99]

Maybe accept it's quite hopeless beneath , abysses r not that detrimental overall. I suppose life without pain is not necessary possible and our broken world is just what it is.

[Against_the_current in reply to Vasiliki99]

Poetic and sad

[SoporRose]

That is a lot to carry! If your Freudian therapist is insisting you have an Oedipal complex and is blaming you for your parents' divorce, I think you're right to get rid of her, BUT if you think she might help you get through the holidays, maybe you should wait until after the New Year to do so. I'm curious about why you have two therapists? It seems to me as if that could get pretty confusing.

I'll bet your grandmother is frightened by her condition. Heart problems are scary. I know that you are frightened, too, but I hope you can find the strength to comfort your grandmother. Doing so might help you get through this time, too. Have you thought about writing her a note to let her know how important she is to you? Doing so might make her feel better and that would make you feel better.

You say your mom has aenemia. That's not uncommon. I'm guessing your mom is in her forties, maybe? It might be related to peri-menopause or her diet. Doctors are pretty familiar with this condition and it can often be fixed with some iron tablets. Do you have any reason to think it's serious? If not, I think you can ocunt on your mom's doctor to pull her through.

You don't say what is wrong with your sister. There are a lot of illnesses going around this year all over the globe — flu, RSV, COVID — but your sister is young and healthy overall, so she may be miserable, but the chances are that she'll be fine. I know that there are no guarantees, but that's always true.

So, to me, it sounds as if your grandmother is the one who needs most of your care and concern. Do whatever you can to help her and i think that will give you some sense of control over the situation.

See how things play out when you do go back. You're probably right that your dad will be offended or hurt if you don't see him. I know he's not perfect, but from your messages it sounds as if he does care about you. Perhaps you can stay for a short time and then go back to your apartment. I thinks it's always a good idea to give yourself a few days to get settled back in before starting school again. You have the excuse of needing to finish unpacking and organizing BEFORE the semester starts and you are too busy to set up your room in a way that will allow you to study and do your best at school.

I hope some of that helps. Hold on. You are so close to graduating and getting to start a new chapter of your life.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I'm crying myself off rn, mom called and paniced me, she sound miserable and i told her to go to the doctor and she said she's dealing with everything alone (defing she doesn't have a husband) and doesn't want a doctor or a therapist. She said dad won't pay her phone bill no more and sis had unfair Mark. She paniced me and said im gonna be a terrible psychologist panicing and Hung up mad. I called dad and instead of comfortng me he said he s paying for me, i didn't want to blame him, i just wanted to calm me. And he said sis doesn't study. I called my doctor afterwards but he said he can't give me a new family.

[Vasiliki99 in reply to Against_the_current]

No can't get new families or new selves. The problem is our souls suffer and that's that. I suppose we can avoid pain bit by bit. Even our own soul difficult to understand or to control or to contain or to evolve. We all live in hell . Just continue......really we can't do much else ,

[Against_the_current in reply to Vasiliki99]

Life is a hell

[Vasiliki99 in reply to Against_the_current]

Say that again it's sad being so stuck , life is something stuck something doomed

[SoporRose]

Well, that was a stupid thing for your doctor to say.

It might be true that your sister is getting poor marks and isn't studying. You've mentioned that before. That's your sister's responsibility. The best way to help her is keep on with your own studies and talk to her, not about HER struggles, but about your own academic determionation, the way you would with a friend. If you lecture her, she'll just pull away. You probably already know that.

Your mom is behaving like a child. If she won't go to the doctor, how does she know she's aenemic?

And don't listen to her about whether you'll be a good psychologist. Your family has a lot of emotional problems and can't judge. Keep your eye on the prize (your graduation) and think about what you want to do with that degree. Do you want to do research? Practice? Do some research first and then go into practice? Your degree should also be useful if you want to write or even go into business.

I don't understand why your dad responded to you the way he did. I guess it depends on how you phrased what you said to him. Did you tell him that you were calling for some reassurance?

Have you tried writing to your dad to explain what you need from him emotionally? That might be a good way to let him know. What you need may be more than he give, but perhaps he can find a way to be kinder. The benefit of writing is also that the person to whom you are writing has time to get past his or her first reaction and to think about a response instead of just spouting out the first thing that pops into her or his head while you're talking.

There are no easy fixes, no quick remedies. You have to figure out how much effort you want to put into trying to get your family to understand you and how much energy you can put into trying to understand them back.

I AM sorry the holidays are so hard when they should be joyful.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you. I'm crying myself off. I started at 7:15pm and now it's midnight, i can't even focus my keyboard to respond properly. Dad's retarded, he doesn't understand emotions 😭

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Against the current,

I am sorry that your dad doesn't understand emotions. But may I tell you, gently, that you seem to be using "retarded" as an insult and that, in America at least, we're trying not to use terms for people's mental disabilities as insults as a way to show respect for those who truly have mental retardation? I'm sure you meant no harm, but as someone with a sibling who has cognitive deficits, I would appreciate it if you could find another way to describe your father. Unless, of course, he has a diagnosis of retardation, in which case I apologize for misunderstanding your usage.

Thanks.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

He has but they're not telling me the full thing he has. Also i had an American friend who is calling him that and it got stuck in my brain. I guess it hurted so much to hear it that i repeated it

[Vasiliki99 in reply to Against_the_current]

Sorry your Dad upsets you . It's difficult to live really it's difficult. I sympathise . That's all we can do. Patent child n human relationships r very sore underneath. It'd fine to cry. Recognise stuff. Help urself. Well within the many unchanging limitations.

[Against_the_current in reply to Vasiliki99]

Yeah 😔

[Against_the_current]

Thanks, trying

[Against_the_current]

Yeah. My anxiety is wilding

[Against_the_current]

It's insane. I can't function. I tried to order food and i messed up and im Overthinking even that

[Against_the_current]

Yeah i need to slow down

[Vasiliki99]

Anxiety is normal reaction to silence to changes from people to another activity from breaks and beginnings and endings. From the separate self the isolated frightened self love try patience space tolerance

[Against_the_current in reply to Vasiliki99]

Yeah, you're right. Im anxious If i gaslight myself into thinking im anxious when the situation around me is provoking anxiety for real. Really need safety, space, compassion and so

[Vasiliki99]

Yes safety role models , my friend loved Opera Winfrey, or many others role models help you to keep going. To put urself in a big big context . We never had space nor compassion. But we must have discipline discovered n adaptability. Space is good , compassion is good. It's just life the whole kuboodle happening through 24 hours. Be nice be effective

[Vasiliki99]

My hairdryer sings to me when I blow dry my bedding hair clothes, listen to the blow sing.

[Vasiliki99]

Remember inside us are full of bacteria, we Neva alone