I walked with shame before..

[Montana136]

Hello there I want to let go of something I think I need to say out loud. I have shame I think I have had shame since I was 10 years old. I had a situation where I was traumatized as a child by a man. And then continuously traumatized because my parents were dysfunctional each in their own way. Somehow these experiences set me on a path with shame. I became to believe that somehow I was bad. But really, people, other people put that on me. And then I developed clinical depression and I felt shame and still to this day about that. Depression interfered with everything, my whole life. It interrupted my parenting when my child was 14. I was an excellent mother, and then I fell apart. OMG the shame in that! I think the root of my problem is shame. decades of shame. I am on the search on how to release this from my body and my mind. Shame is heavy it's hard to carry. It seems so unfair. Sometimes I ask why me. But something inside me knows the question why is kind of redundant. How I how do I release from shame? Can I be free? I have to get better I have to show myself and my daughter that her mother can manage this problem and be well again! Thank you for reading. Be well

[Dolphin14]

Hi Montana136

Childhood trauma causes shame and guilt. The key to my freedom was a lot of therapy.

You don't have to live like this. You can turn this around

🐬

[Artistfriend]

I can definitely relate, shame was/is a huge issue with me but its gotten so much better with therapy and really working to understand it and process all the events that led to it. Having success in certain areas and new experiences, challenging myself the past few years has helped a great deal also

[Dolphin14]

So sad isn't it 😢

❤️🐬

[fauxartist]

I know that being from severe mental injury mysel, and living with a very sick and dysfunctional parent, being subjected to the trauma of being molested repeatedly as a child....I was groomed and brainwashed to believe I was somehow responsible or brought this onto myself....

How the hell does a child bring this onto themselves.... you were just a kid....they were the adults who are supposed to protect us, nurture us, and love us.

This is not your fault....unresolved guilt, shame, regret, and remorse,.... all lead to anger and when that's unresolved....it leads to rage. We are the only ones left to suffer from this abuse...the perpetrators don't feel a thing, probably don't even remember what they did, and mostly...don't care. But we are left scared and damage for life. I have to believe in Karma.

Until you get to the root of this and are guided by a professional who understands these issues....we stay stuck on a merry-go-round of feeling these emotions and self-destructive self-hate, and low self-esteem.... but that can change.... I know....it's not easy, and it's a lifelong Unlearning process, of learning to believe that this is not your fault, you were a kid, you didn't do anything to deserve this.... and until you start believing...nothing changes...but there is help and hope.

[Montana136 in reply to fauxartist]

I thank you deeply for your thoughts. Childhood sexual abuse can be very devastating to one's life and it was to mine. My mother did some good things for me but some very poor decisions were also made. mostly she left me to my own mental devices and I did not heal. But it was the '70s and people did not talk about sexual abuse like they discuss it nowadays. As an adult I look back at that child I was, and I say to her all the time, it was not your fault but somehow it just does not seem to sink in. I have had years of therapy and currently am in therapy and I appreciate and I'm grateful for therapy. But I think it is in talking with you and those who understand these thoughts and feelings that really helped me the most. I too believe in karma. And I know it's a process of unlearning it takes a lifetime but I am so freaking tired and feeling maybe even a little resentful that I have to keep doing this. This healing this repair this ongoing process. Do you get tired? I managed to raise and protect a daughter and I am proud of myself and proud of who she is. But I did stumble into severe depression when she was 14 and couldn't save myself let alone her. But she will never ever know what it's like to be a survivor of child sexual abuse and for that I am grateful. I might be rambling thank you so much for your sharing I apologize in the delay I did not see this response to my post till just now. Thank you again and I hope to hear more from you. Be well! ✌️🌻😊

[Dolphin14]

Montana136

How are you

[Montana136 in reply to Dolphin14]

Hi dolphin 14 I am so glad you asked me! Thank you. My standard answer is I am doing well however since I'm on this platform I will share with you what's been on my mind and what I've been doing. I'm still struggling with interruptive thoughts in the morning everyday I wake up I go through it for at least a couple hours. They are not necessarily negative thoughts but they creep in too. I end up talking to myself out loud while I'm alone but I noticed what I'm saying out loud is reassuring and encouraging which is new for me. I'm usually down on myself in every way. My expectations of myself are clearly unreachable. I really should know this by now. So aside from talking out loud to myself and an encouraging and more compassionate boys I have been volunteering at my local Humane Society. I've been working with the dogs I noticed they have so many volunteers that it's hard to get time with the dogs and I'm still training to be with the cats. I like it it's good for me because I normally isolate myself into my house. So I am proud of myself for doing this because I do suffer a little bit from social anxiety. I've always known in my heart that animals are a great in boosting my mood. I help them they help me. So today is a good day and I am very interested in hearing a little more about your journey if you don't mind sharing. Again I want to thank you so much for asking me how I am doing. I find it very reassuring here in this group. Even when someone just likes a post, it's reassurance. I'm usually on in the mornings but I do check once in awhile in the evenings take care have a great day! Be well! ✌️🌻😊

[gerrerd]

Firstly everything is a lesson, no need to be ashamed, shame a is a man made judgment, let it go. Go online to Potentials unlimited get a download start with the relaxation one first. These guide progs will release the shame in your mind. Ray.

[Montana136 in reply to gerrerd]

Ray, Thank you for your share. Yes I am willing to let it go. I will go online and check out your suggestion thank you again. Be well. ✌️

[garciaeri0303]

let me say You are very brave. Hard working dedicated mother. It takes courage to speak up. More to even search for guidance.

Your question regarding releasing yourself from past hurtful experience. Allow yourself to accept what happened without judgement. Remind yourself your are someone in life. If you can try and do positive activities that help you feel good about helping others.

Healing takes time you got this.

Best Regards,

Erica

[designguy]

It is good that you recognize that you are dealing with shame as a result of the trauma you experienced as a child and the impact your dysfunctional childhood had on you then and now. Knowing what is going on for you can aid you in getting the kind of help you need to heal. My suggestion is that you find a therapist that specializes in treating trauma and work with them to help you understand and process your traumatic emotions and shame. Mine used emdr therapy which was very effective for my healing.