Borderline Personality

[Sosmall]

Hi everyone. I’m wondering if anyone in this group has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder or has traits for it. My husband and I are struggling with how to help our daughter who displays the traits. We’ve done book research but would like to chat with someone who has lived it so we can gain some practical perspective on it. Thank you!

[b1b1b1]

If you are concerned about this you might want to take your daughter to a psychiatrist in order to be diagnosed. Perhaps you have done this. I can't tell from your post, however, I will say that trying to diagnose someone, especially a child, on your own, without professional help is not good and can be damaging.

[Sosmall in reply to b1b1b1]

Hi b1. Our daughter is an adult so we can’t require her to go to anyone. Borderline is something that is not diagnosed until the person reaches adulthood. When she was a minor, we were told by a therapist/counsellor that she displayed the traits of BPD but couldn’t be diagnosed until she was an adult. So, this means we are stuck in a bit of a loop in that we see she needs help but she doesn’t want it and, since she’s an adult, we cannot force her to get help. We would never diagnose her with anything ourselves - we very much respect the medical community and their expertise.

With that said, what we are looking for is some insight into (maybe) how she is seeing/comprehending things because we are really struggling to figure out when the techniques we are using are helping or harming. Do you have any experience with this that might assist us?

[b1b1b1 in reply to Sosmall]

I do not have any experience with the. I do know that it is difficult to impossible to force an adult to get medical help, especially psychiatric help, if they do not want to.

[Shanpa69]

Hi Sosmall l am an adult who has a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder l have lived with BPD for many years. I totally understand your dilemma as parent to want to help and support your daughter but what l found is that until l accepted l had a problem and needed help it was difficult for anyone to help me . You can only be there to listen to your daughter encourage her to seek help when she is displaying risky behaviour .If you feel she is going to harm herself then you can reach out to the mental health team in your area for support and advice. I hope your daughter does reach a place of self acceptance and will reach out and receive the help she may need

Take care

[PourSomeSugarOnMe]

Hi, I was diagnosed with BPD years ago, it’s different for everyone so a big spectrum really, I’ve been married to a wonderful person for 28 years who is very understanding which helps big time. I do still struggle with self harm (again not everyone with BPD does SH) I don’t have a great relationship with my mother, she doesn’t understand anything mental health related. Without knowing your child, all I can say is to be loving, caring and understanding and encourage her to get help, obviously that’s up to her but it would be beneficial especially if she’s really struggling. The fact that you’ve posted here asking advice is refreshing to see a parent genuinely wanting to help their daughter

[muhammad_04]

yes

[PourSomeSugarOnMe]

how are things with your daughter now?

[Sosmall in reply to PourSomeSugarOnMe]

Hello. Thanks for checking in. Things are going okay - we are doing what we can to support and encourage her to get help but know it’s not going to happen until she’s ready.

[PourSomeSugarOnMe in reply to Sosmall]

I hope she does feel ready soon to get the help but I’m so glad she has you to support her, it makes such a difference. Thanks for updating me.

[notanotter]

Have you looked at TARA in the US? They have support groups and training seminars for family of people with BPD.

tara4bpd.org/virtual-workshops

I suspect my sibling has this disorder after discussing with a PsyD. Currently my sibling has turned against me, and it’s challenging to know how to talk to him. It’s almost paralyzing trying not to trigger him because it’s so easy to do.

If I say I love him he attacks me as insincere. If I try to practice empathizing with his feelings, he finds one word to react to and rage. He can’t see (or bear to look at?) his own behavior as contributing to everyone avoiding him. Right now he only talks to our mother, while he sends me abusive paranoid messages. Before, she was the bad one and he talked to me.

The books helped restore my sanity (I was blaming myself), but they didn’t help with the practical aspects. I need to practice talking to someone with BPD without triggering them, and get corrected.

[Sosmall in reply to notanotter]

Thank you for suggesting this resource. I am in Canada but, at first look, I think I can still access this. Much appreciated.

And I 100% understand what you’re saying when you say it’s almost paralyzing in trying not to trigger the person. There’s lots of information about what the disorder is, but to actually have practical, real life, info and experiences is something completely different altogether.

Thanks again. I’m going to look into this information further.

[notanotter in reply to Sosmall]

Another family education program I found is "Family Connections" - the US organization points Canadians to a nonprofit called SASHBear:

sashbear.org/family-connect...

It's a structured program for loved ones of people with "emotional disregulation" aka BPD and related disorders.

(It's not a support group, but I suspect we might be able to connect with other families in the classes.)