My doctor says I might have Bipolar 2 but I doubt it

[fatiguei]

Hello everyone.

It will be a very long post, so please bear with me.

Long story short, in 2022 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder. I started taking antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication a year ago. I’ve experienced mood swings since early teens but doctors brushed it off and told me I’ll outgrow it once I’m older. I didn’t.

For the first few months antidepressants suit me perfectly, seemed like I started living a normal life. However, the mood swings were still present and during bad days my reactions on the smallest inconveniences were super exaggerated. I even had a suicide attempt when I’d already been on medication for 3 months.

I blamed the attempt on the circumstances (I was going through a very rough time at that moment) and moved on. Mood swings continued, but they weren’t extreme, I thought it was just my character. In late spring-summer 2022 I felt awesome, obviously I had the bad days, but I felt like a completely normal human being again.

Mid autumn 2022 I started experiencing suicidal thoughts, sleep problems, emotional pain and all the symptoms of depression. I reached out to another doctor and at first we tried increasing the antidepressant and tranquilizer dose - nothing really changed except for the fact I started sleeping for 15 hours a day and feeling absolutely emotionally numb. I just didn’t want to do anything and life seemed pointless and I still was considering suicide. And then it happened… I suddenly started feeling more active, I started initiating conversations and do spontaneous things I would never do before (nothing really dangerous, just dyeing my hair, buying a lot of new clothes, getting drunk with a person I knew for one day…). And then I got back to the depressed state, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. “Happy” episodes like that happened a few times since and the last one took place a few days ago and was quite intense: I was super talkative despite being an introvert, I was making controversial jokes and getting annoyed easily, I had so many thoughts and ideas I couldn’t convert them into anything useful and felt extremely anxious. One day I slept for 2 hours and felt quite energetic and refreshed and I ate muuuch less than I usually do and still felt okay. It lasted for roughly few days, I cannot say it became so extreme in a moment, it was rather escalating gradually during 3 days with the peak of activity during the last day. I was honestly scared of how I felt, I felt cheerful but anxious and angry at the same time, it just didn’t sit right with me. My psychiatrist claims it was hypomania and I might be bipolar.

The main problem is that sometimes my mood changes 3-4 times per day and it can go from suicidal to normal and cheerful like I didn’t want to off myself a few hours ago. As I know, episodes in bipolar last longer and you can’t just have phase changes few times a day. Today I had a swing like this and I remember sobbing on my floor for an hour and wanting to die and then dancing to the music and drawing a few hours later. Maybe it’s really just my personality?

Moreover, my mood swings rarely come out of blue, but rather triggered by different events (even minor, today I got suicidal because a text message triggered me)

I don’t know, I’ll definitely get a second or a third opinion of the professional.

Could anyone please tell me if they ever had a situation like this? I really doubt I have Bipolar 2, but then what? BPD? Cyclothymia? Or does everyone feel like that?

Thanks for reading this, it is really a scream for help

[Married1978]

I hate to tell you what you don't want to hear, but it sure sounds like bipolar. I wonder if you are on a mood stabilizer? I've been in treatment for three years after living with undiagnosed BP2 for 40 years. Yes, it's a shock. I did not believe it and neither did my previous provider apparently, but here I am after my third stay in the psyche ward. (Suicidal).If you are having manic like behavior such as drinking to much, spending to much, sexually excited, you need to call your psychiatrist now, not next week. Being on an antidepressant can throw you into mania. Not something to take lightly when you see how destructive it can be to your finances, relationships, substance use...

Learn as much as you can about bipolar. See a therapist asap and they can help you learn about why you may have BP, what the symptoms are.. Check out DBSA, NIH, BP hope, NAMI. Read some stories by people who have it, see if it sounds familiar. Stay with your doctor if you have any connection. She will help you get stable. Ask why she thinks it's bipolar. If it isn't bipolar, she will know soon enough. In my experience it is not a diagnosis they are quick to make.

Good luck, you'll be ok with some work. It gets better. Sometimes you require multiple med changes to find the right combo for you, no two people are alike . Sometimes you will stumble, as I have, but there is always help if you ask for it.

[fatiguei in reply to Married1978]

Thank you very much and I am really sorry to hear that you have been in such terrible situtations. Psych ward stays are not the best experience you could gain in life. I hope you are fine.

I have talked to my therapist who has a medical degree (she does not have a right to diagnose me, however, it is still and important factor to note) and also she has experience working with Biopolar 1/2 patients. She thinks I am not bipolar, because my episodes used to shift a few times a day even before antidepressants, moreover, the history of my life and triggers I have perfectly match Borderline Personality Disorder traits. I will be talking to my doctor soon, but I really doubt it is bipolar, this week was much easier and I haven’t jumped into depression phase as I expected.

Wish you all the best and please take care.

P.S Would like to add, that my episodes are often triggered by particular events (for example, fear of abandonment/cold responses to my words and misunderstandings). However, as soon as the trigger is eliminated I might feel much better until the other triggering event arises…

P.P.S Not on a mood stabiliser, antidepressants only. Was prescribed Quetiapine as a mood stabiliser and doubt if I need it (in the country where I live it is really difficult to get prescriptions)

[fatiguei in reply to Married1978]

Would you mind me sending you a DM? I just would like to ask about how you were diagnosed, mood stabilisers and phase shifts. It is absolutely okay if not!

[Married1978 in reply to fatiguei]

Certainly. I'm new today so not sure what that is but I'm sure it's not a problem.By the way, hospital psyche says maybe borderline also, or instead. Ughh. Sometimes it's overwhelming