What's the point? (Possible Trigger WARNING)

[Lixus]

(possible trigger warning)

Hi there, so I've been thinking lately about a lot of stuff... I've been in a lot social anxiety situations, ruminating, obsessive thoughts... And end up having some "low mood days" like what's the point? What's the point of living with mental health issues, what's the point of living with social anxiety, OCD, depression, any kind of mental disorder that makes it really difficult for me to keep walking... Everytime I socialize, everytime someone speaks with another one, everytime I'm with people... How can I keep going? I know there is no cure, I know you have some good days, some bad days and some really bad days but right now... I don't feel like is worthit

I don't wanna die, I know that it's impossible for me to commit suicide but I want to dissappear, I don't want to think anymore because my mind is killing me, I don't want to do anything at all!! I'm usually having this suicidal thought coming in and out my mind, I know I will never do that but I don't know if it's ok or normal to have this thoughts, idk...

Right now, for me... This is not working... This is not worth it

[HelpingElbow]

Hi Lixus

Honestly, I don't know how to answer this question. However, I must say that it's absolutely fine if you are feeling that way. It's absolutely fine if you are down and low. It's absolutely fine if you are feeling weak and helpless. Moreover, it's also fine if nobody's there for you.

However, if you think this is how it's gonna stay forever, THEN THAT'S NOT FINE.

You might think that good things don't last. Please understand that bad things don't last either. Nothing lasts forever. A human being has a tremendous capacity to love and to hope. You can't be deprived of those 2 things. One good relationship and you'll find yourself having honeymoon! That's how it could turn out in the coming months.

If I use my present condition to predict my future, I might end up ruining myself. That's how it is! You might feel what's the point of all of this...I get that. But today you may not have a point, tomorrow you may not have a point, let's say for another month, you don't have any point...it's alright. Next month or next year, you may have a wonderful time.

Please understand that only our hope keeps us alive. If people start thinking that there's no point in all of this, do you know what would happen? People would stop studying, people won't marry, they won't have kids, they won't earn, they would all become drunkards!

Hope, hope and hope...what else do we have apart from hope?

There's lot more to do, maybe not today or tomorrow, but believe me there is a lot...

Take care. Lots of love.

[Lixus in reply to HelpingElbow]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and answer, I know that there is hope but yesterday I was just afraid of myself and hopeless... all those things inside my brain everytime I go on public or speak with people... it´s really scary for me sometimes.

Sometimes I just wish I can dissappear as I said, I think because I don`t want people to know me, I want to stop thinking, most of the times until now I was proud of me, I found self love and I was taking care of me but this days... this days I wish I can turn off my brain because and I hate it

Today I´m feeling a little bit better but I still don't know how to manage depressive thoughts

[Survivor4Ever]

It’s suicidal ideas that are popping in your head. However, they are just thoughts. That come and go .They are not your thoughts. Your not your thoughts. And they change all the time. They can’t be trusted, some lie to us. I deal with several things you described. I use to go through a phase I couldn’t stand to be around people. I still at times what go break out and run from people if I’m around them. However, whatever you focus on expands. So focusing on those good days is your best bet is what I see. Things obviously see overwhelming to you right now. What’s the point you say? Well I would say you. You are priceless and valuable can not be replaced. Your value has nothing to do with anybody else’s valuable. You don’t really want anybody else’s life. I can relate to living with them, but doesn’t mean life’s not worth living. It just means it’s going to be a challenging and it makes you a stronger person. Only if you want to let it. Nobody ever said life would be easy. But don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault you have these conditions . And it’s ok not to be ok all the time . It is difficult, but don’t give up. Just remember you are not them you are just living with them. So people with high blood pressure would never say I am high blood pressure they would say they have it. They don’t label themselves they separate themselves and take the power away from it. So yes you are diagnosed with these things but you are not them. You can keep going because you are worth it and have to remember bad days come, but they go too. Next time you have a thought try to imagine your holding a balloon in your hand and release it because it’s a thought. You are not your thoughts. Have more self compassion and kindness for yourself. Just my thoughts

[Lixus in reply to Survivor4Ever]

thank you for your words, they really help me, I really appreciate them

I´m in a state where I feel numb sometimes, then I feel hopeless and depressive and tired, specially tired. I think because I always have obsessive thoughts about what people think, how they react to me... I can't have a conversation without ovethinking stuff

[Survivor4Ever]

Have you tried setting several alarms on your phone reminders. That say. Example “ I’m worth it” I can do this” I’m not my thoughts”, “this is just a temporary feeling and this shall pass”? That pop up on your phone I don’t know let say every hour or so?

[Lixus in reply to Survivor4Ever]

Thanks for the advice but that type of things doesn't work for me, when I'm feeling down I don't need to hear things like this on my phone, just need some way to manage it, learn from it, music according to the way I'm feeling, time and people who understand me

[Survivor4Ever in reply to Lixus]

Do you have a therapist to talk to? I have to talk to someone. If not, I’ll just lose it

[Lixus in reply to Survivor4Ever]

Yes, I go to therapy but just once/month, I speak with friends too sometimes

[Survivor4Ever in reply to Lixus]

Take care