Living in a dysfunctional family

[God-sFavourite]

Families are the most closest people with whom you can share every happiness or sadness of your life. Of course, you may have an understanding spouse and a bunch of good friends but no one can match the amount of euphoria that you feel when your family is around you, supporting you in the best possible way.

Every family is some sort of dysfunctional as everyone is a human and neither of us are perfect.

But with each passing year of my life, whatever I have been able to explore and whichever kind of exposure I have had, it has made me believe that mine is too distorted to be simply termed as a family like everyone else has in general.

I have tried exploring different thought processes, observations, perspectives in order to change my opinion but with each try, I have been provided with a lot of evidences that my family is a lot more than what we term as 'a normal dysfunctional family. '

It is 'a highly dysfunctional family' and if there is some another term which can describe a more higher level, then that too.

Unfortunately, I too become one of them when I live with them for a longer duration.

The difference between me and them is that I can differentiate the level of self-centeredness, toxicity, dictatorship, etc. that we throw at each other but they can't or maybe they don't want to.

It has been so many years and now, my mental health doesn't allow me to inhale and engulf all of the above said behavioural patterns and I'm losing my patience.

Of course, we love each other unconditionally too, which is why I choose to stay, everytime I feel like giving up on them.

But then, until when....!

[Dolphin14]

I left my family home at a young age due to emotional abuse.

There was no unconditional love there at all. Everything came with conditions.

I agree there are different levels. Some cause too much pain and damage us.

When my dad was very ill he said to me " you are not like them" I said No I'm not but if I had stayed I may have turned into one of them

🐬

[Dolphin14]

I'm so happy for you. Getting away makes all the difference. The pain is still inside us but we took control of our future.

GO US

🐬

[Dolphin14]

It's a blessing

[Dolphin14]

You did nothing wrong. At least I don't see it that way. Some won't understand how we feel because they never walked our path.

Your sister in law sounds very supportive. I'm happy you have her.

[Dolphin14]

I've had many years of therapy. There is a ptsd component to all this. We react throughout our lives based on our foundation at home.

It is painful, confusing and damaging.

[God-sFavourite in reply to Dolphin14]

"....We react throughout our lives, based on our foundation at home... "

This hit me hard!

[Dolphin14 in reply to God-sFavourite]

I've been in therapy for years. I've done a great deal of inner child work,

Many people have never been given that solid foundation. To me that foundation is one of nurturing the basic needs of a child. I had the clothes on my back, the roof over my head, the food on the table. I never had the emotional validation that I was heard, that I was loved, that I was worthy, that I was good enough.

All these things come into play in our adult world. Whether we realize it or not, we carry these scars and certain behaviors with us.

One of my meditation teachers says..... " healing and happiness is an inside job" spot on.

My family of procreation is 100% different from my family of origin, My " tribe" is full of loving family and friends. Those are the only ones I surround myself with now.

[God-sFavourite in reply to Dolphin14]

While reading this, I felt as if I'm reading about my life. Though two lives can never be similar but some components which you described such as, ".... I had clothes ----- I was good enough " sounds similar to me.

Being from extremely two different corners of the world, having different cultures yet sharing the similarity of the kind of parenting we were offered, makes me believe that we are one, divided by borders yet united by the human race.

I don't understand the concept of the elders being right always and the younger ones being wrong. If it happens to be the opposite then the younger one is ought to shut their mouth in the name of 'respect. '

To me, respect is earned and if you believe in the concept of snatching it from the others in the name of age, status, etc. then in my eyes, you are no better than a beggar on the roadside.

[Dolphin14 in reply to God-sFavourite]

Emotional abuse and neglect is a world wide issue. It can stem from cultural beliefs, religious beliefs, and also comes from damaged parents.

I agree respect is earned. Older does not mean wiser and a title does not give free rein to abuse.

🐬

[God-sFavourite in reply to Dolphin14]

In my case i guess, it is the damaged parents ☹️

[Dolphin14 in reply to God-sFavourite]

Mine too. I'm sorry you had to go through this

[hypercat54 in reply to Dolphin14]

Very similar to my story too Dolphin. Validation is the key word here.

[Dolphin14 in reply to hypercat54]

Hyper

Yes, we've had many discussion regarding this subject. The similarities speak volumes. This happens more often than some realize.

Agree, validation is key

❤️🐬

[hypercat54 in reply to Dolphin14]

💗😽 x

[Dolphin14]

Yes it is. Please take that part very seriously.

[hypercat54]

Friends are the family we choose for ourselves....

[God-sFavourite in reply to hypercat54]

Indeed!

[Blueruth]

Almost any uterus/sperm encounter can create a child. doesn't mean you should. doesn't mean they will be good parents worthy of devotion. Thankfully you do have the option of creating a family in whatever form you want with whomever you want.

[Mohammad-341]

At least i m lucky to have understanding spouse. I had been dysfunction but now managing job , family and life with her support adequately. I owe a lot to my qualified professionals rich wife who sacrificed her life in understanding me.If she wished she could leave me but she chose a very tough life.