This Sunday I was over at my mom's house for my sister's birthday with my two sisters families. My one sister has two sons, 9 and 11, and the other has a son who's 22 and daughter who is 26. The 9 year old and 22 year old were playing around with each other with the younger one egging the older one on as kids do, but it was all playful. My 22 year old nephew pretended he was going to throw the 9 year old in the snow (during a blizzard in a few feet of snow). After that he still kept threatening to do it but was being playful about it. The younger one kept saying "no don't" and I asked him not to do it and begged the rest of the adults in the room (the 9 year old's parents weren't in the room) not to encourage it and mentioned he was only wearing a t-shirt and no socks and it was freezing outside. But he did it anyway and everyone followed them out to the garage and laughed and cheered. Not surprisingly, my 9 year old nephew ran into the house crying and said everyone was mean and laughing and he was really upset for awhile about it. I ran after him and assured him I wasn't laughing and was sorry they did that. I yelled at my family for it all and said they were adults bullying a kid and that it was uncalled for. They said he deserved it and my sister defended her adult son (which doesn't surprise me cause she thinks he can do no wrong even though he acts like a 12 year old most of the time). But I couldn't believe my mom defended him too. I realized a lot of why I was upset went farther than that incident and I'm protective of my nephew's because of my own issues with bullying, but I feel like a kid you should be able to trust your family to have your back. Was I being over dramatic about how the adults were acting or am I right that it was unacceptable behavior for them to treat a kid like that? I don't really know how I could have handled it differently but I'd love any advice you might have.
Am I overreacting to my family? - Anxiety and Depre...
Am I overreacting to my family?
I certainly don't think you overreacted. I would consider it bullying. I could not advise you how to deal with the other adults, just want to tell you I totally agree.
I totally agree with what U did. Your 22 year old nephew’s behavior was unacceptable. Hugs 🤗 Shnookie
Thanks for responding. Unfortunately he left immediately afterwards so he didn't even hear me scolding all of them. But I feel better that I'm not on my own in thinking it wasn't right.
Definitely. A teacher of mine made fun of my stutter in front of other students. I was shy and mortified. I went home and told my beloved mom what happenedNext day the feisty broad from the
East Bronx went to the school and my teacher never said a word again. I was so lucky I had such a good advocate. This is one of my fondest memories of my mom.
You didn’t over react at all !! When playfulness turns into someone being upset , then it’s not on . All the adults should have said this time s your family and he’s upset so it is NOT a joke anymore. S joke is only a joke when EVERYONE is laughing 💕
I think the 22 yr old needs to apologize. then i think the 9 yr old needs your help to seek revenge, in a playful way. nothing mean but something to show the 9 yr old that you’re got his back.
He likely won't see the 22 year old for a few months and neither will I. Since his parents didn't think he did anything wrong I know he won't apologize even if I ask him to. I did tell the 9 year old brother to apologize for laughing and he did. It seemed to be the only thing I could control. I also plan to talk to my nephew to make sure he knows I got his back in the future. I hope he has already forgotten about it all though but I'm sure he won't want to play with his big cousin next time.
I am sorry the 9 yo had to endure that. Unfortunately not everyone develops their frontal lobe the same. Their judgements may never match yours.
You getting upset and reacting is probably only going to make things worse for you. You cannot control others’ behaviors. You only can control your own behaviors and how you respond to their behaviors.
Instead of escalating the emotions, try just being the cool aunt and just be there for your nephew. Ask him to do something with you. Play a game, build something, do art…whatever floats his boat.
The world will always have bullies. Some just don’t know they crossed the line and some are doing intentional harm. Neither are fun when you are on the receiving end.
No it's not overreacting as teasing turns into bullying when someone is upset by it and things that appear trivial to one person aren't to another.
If he'd been properly dressed for the weather, he might have found it fun. However, would it have happened at all if his parents had been there?
I think if they were playing outside and he was dressed it wouldn't have been a problem. What he got most upset about was everyone cheering the 22 yo on and laughing at him. I think he started to feel really attacked at that point.
I wondered if it would be different if his parents were in the room. His dad likes to tease so he might have egged the 22 yo on in good fun. And my sister always tells my nephew to "stop being so sensitive" (something her and my mom have always said to me too) and that bothers me. They comforted him after but they likely told him he shouldn't have been doing what he was doing either. I wasn't in the room with him the whole time cause I was busy telling at the rest of them so I'm not sure what all was said.
It's a case of being told you shouldn't have the feelings that you do. We are all entitled to our feelings and we can't pick and choose them. Poor kid.
Wow! Sounds like the 22 year old is a bit of a bully, and that was extremely unkind to the youngest person, especially if he wasn't wearing much.
It's quite likely to scar him mentally and make him afraid of the 22 year old.
What an awful family they appear to be if you were the only one on the 9 year old's side. Have you though of reporting it to CPS, as a similar thing could easily happen again?
Cheers, Midori
If it was just “threatening “ it like at the beginning then I’d say no big deal but the fact he actually did it and the other boy was crying is unacceptable. I don’t know how the parents would be ok with that… IMO it’s telling the younger child that bullying is ok, which could lead him to either be a bully or let kids at school bully him and not tell anyone thinking it’s normal or acceptable.
I agree. The 9 yo is a nice kid but you never know. He's at an impressionable age.
You were absolutely right. No doubt about it. You did the only thing that you could do given the circumstances. And even more you validated the young victim and gave him an avenue to begin healing. Plus you left it in his mind that it is not alright to treat people in such manner so that hopefully he doesn't abuse others.
Thank you. It helps to feel validated that I'm not overreacting about it.
You aren't in any way overreacting. Please keep a close eye on what is happening.
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