Family Doesn't Understand

[kittenkisses91]

Hello Everyone,

So my sister and brother-in-law (her husband) have decided to *fix* me. I have social anxiety and depression and my very outgoing, never suffered from mental health issues in his life, brother-in-law has decided he knows how to fix all my issues as long as I stick to his plan!

His plan consists of me quickly becoming social, never having a quiet moment, pushing against my boundaries, etc... He likes to "check-in" everyday to see what progress I've made. He doesn't seem to realize just getting up and going to work is progress for me! I don't need the extra anxiety of trying to make new best friends everyday on top of trying to focus at work which is hard enough for me to do!

I just started seeing a therapist (which they don't think is enough), I'm already on meds, I'm starting an art class this week which is socializing, I'm going to yoga, I'm looking for a second job...

I just feel bullied and I don't want to kick them out of my life but I can't take the pressure.

Does anyone else have family or friends who think they can fix you but only make it worse? What do you do?

[Hidden]

Sounds like a nightmare, too much pressure and pity, even if they mean well. Makes me anxious thinking about it. 😵

[kittenkisses91 in reply to Hidden]

They say they mean well, and only want the best for me but yes, it makes me anxious just thinking about it too!

[jkl5500 in reply to kittenkisses91]

If they really want what's best for you, they should stop playing doctor and let you get your medical treatment from professionals. A well-intentioned jerk is still a jerk.

[Veelala]

Yesss yesss an YESSS !!!

[purpletrack]

I fully understand you. My mother does not understand and she suffers from anxiety and depression (un-diagnosed pure observation) feels that I just need to “get out” and that will fix me. I have anxiety/depression, my husband has anxiety/PTSD, my oldest has anxiety/ anxiety attacks and my youngest anxiety. I am a bad parent because I should just sign them up for things and that will fix them. What I do now is try and educate as often as I can, and I try to be more descriptive when trying to explain how I feel.

[kittenkisses91 in reply to purpletrack]

I understand. I think my sister and brother-in-law don't think my mom is harsh enough with me, and doesn't push me enough. But I feel closest to my mom because I can confide in her without being pushed or being made to feel bad. I think you are doing the best you can not pushing your kids into activities they don't want to do with their anxiety! You are not a bad parent. And I will try to be more descriptive in how I feel in the future. Thanks!

[hypercat54]

Why not ask him where he got his medical degree? Ask him if he got a physical illness would you understand how to cure him? I would just say politely after than that your illness isn't a topic for discussion and never mention it again in front of anyone you don't trust. Set your boundaries. Don't explain them just be firm and say nothing else. x

[jkl5500 in reply to hypercat54]

You tell 'em, hyper!

[AuntBee]

I would tell him and your sister thank you for their help but that since you’re seeing a therapist, you are going to follow the therapist’s plan. I would tell them once you need support, you will let him know. You don’t need this added “help” if it’s just pressuring you. If they are sincere in helping they will understand; if they get mad, then you’ll know the “help” offered was more about them than you.

[jkl5500]

Well said, Bee. If she needs their help, she will let them know. She might add "And don't hold your breath waiting for my call."

[jkl5500]

What right does this clown have to step into your life, and tell you what to do? Your problem is not being shy. Your problem is depression. You are already seeking medical treatment, so you're doing all you can at the moment. Anything else is simply none of his business.

Feel free to message me anytime about this, if you'd like.

[Daminso]

My parents don’t really understand it. My dad especially, whenever I tell him about my anxiety he just says that I have so much good in my life and he doesn’t understand why I would have anxiety. My mom knows she doesn’t understand. It’s difficult to converse with people who don’t have anxiety because they don’t understand- but if you ever need to rant, my door is always open!

[purpletrack in reply to Daminso]

Anxiety/ depression is so hard to explain and even harder to get people to understand. There are times I don’t understand this myself.

[AZ1970]

Set boundaries with them. Thank them for the care they have for you. Tell them “my therapist says......”. Blame it on her until you are strong enough to stand up for yourself.

[chinaandback]

Yikes. Can you talk with your sister and tell her how you're feeling and maybe she could speak to him? Feeling bullied is not ok. It sounds to me like you're doing great on your own. An art class sounds fun! I hope it's helped to come here to this forum and hopefully you can let them know soon how you feel about their "help."

[SilentAccents]

That sounds awful! Being controlled like that is really degrading; like you aren't able to take care of yourself. At least that's how it felt for me when my family was going to take care of me once I received a diagnosis. I really appreciate the caring and that they want to help. It's better than having no one care at all. Anyway, I very much relate and felt the stress as I read your post. Learning how to find and express boundaries through therapy has been immensely helpful. I don't want to hurt anyone, or make them feel rejected. I just can't do everything they want me to do and the stress is really a block to getting better.