Should I change my strategy for finding a relationship?

[KarateKenny]

I've been pretty much just approaching random girls at my college and while I've gotten two girls to agree to go out to coffee with me neither of them have texted me back after I've reached out to them. Should I try doing something different?

[hypercat54]

Yes you should. This can be construed as pestering women which is never a good idea. Why not try and get to know them as friends first and see where it takes you.

Many women approached like this will say yes if you are too persistent but not follow through.

[KarateKenny in reply to hypercat54]

How would I try to get to know them as friends? I've had some women tell my they think it's an ok or a good way to meet people so I didn't really see it as pestering women. I definitely don't try to put pressure on them just try to chat a bit then ask if they want to get coffee with me

[hypercat54 in reply to KarateKenny]

Treat them as people and not just potential dates?

[KarateKenny in reply to hypercat54]

I do. I always try my best to be polite, ask questions, and get to know them as best as possible. I guess I could try just not asking them out after but most of these people I'm not sure when I'll see them again if ever

[KarateKenny in reply to KarateKenny]

What are some things I could do to meet women as friends? Like where could I go?

[0101 in reply to KarateKenny]

You referred to them as 'random'. We're not just random generic beings. We can tell this thinking a mile off.

[KarateKenny in reply to 0101]

I'm really sorry I should have worded that better. I meant girls that I haven't met before. No one is a generic and I'm sorry that it came across that way

[0101 in reply to KarateKenny]

Thank you. It's seems as if you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure to achieve this as a goal, maybe a bit of a tick box. No one wants to be someone's tick box. I'd try interacting, chatting and meeting new people - men and women - and not with the goal of dating them. Showing genuine interest with no ulterior motive. Try that and maybe you'll become more comfortable with yourself. That's an appealing thing for anyone and they'll want to spend time in your company. It may not happen in the timeline that you want, so try to get used to that sense that not everything is within your control. Be guided by others and leave that up to them to respond back.

Speaking as a woman who boys identified that they wanted to hold hands with when I was a little girl, no matter if I didn't and it made me feel queasy sick in my guts.

[Hidden]

I would say get involved in some kind of group activity where you’re meeting new people. Even if you don’t meet anyone you’d like to date you can make some new friends. What are your hobbies and interests? What groups are going on at your college? The pandemic is getting more manageable and as long as you keep up getting vaccinated you should be all right being part of a small group.

[KarateKenny in reply to Hidden]

I'm not sure about group activities. I don't like going to social events honestly. I like video games, movies/tv, and fashion mostly. I'm not currently in any groups, but I do have friends and stuff. They don't know any single people tho

[KarateKenny in reply to KarateKenny]

Also I feel weird going to events like that with the intention of trying to find a partner. Like it's not a guarantee and I don't want to go for other reasons so it seems like it's not every affective you know?

[Dreamer27 in reply to KarateKenny]

A suggestion here as well: there are hangout apps like Meetup or facebook has social groups also! If you live near a big city, it is easier to find these groups. For instance, theres a group in Las Vegas for those in their 20s that are interested in hiking. Or you can find the Cincinnati Young Professionals Network. There's so many options for those who love traveling, minority groups, vegans, students, crafts, etc. Find what you enjoy and then expand your search if need be. And if you don't end up finding a girl to connect with, at least you're making friends

[KarateKenny in reply to Dreamer27]

I've looked into that stuff and I've been in some groups before and I don't think they're for me. I feel really uncomfortable with groups of people I don't know and don't find them very fun. I'm not really sure what to do

[KarateKenny in reply to Dreamer27]

I really appreciate the advice though! Very nice of you to help out

[Dreamer27]

Can you go into details about your approach? The way you mention this is vague "approaching random girls." How so? What do you say? Where do you approach them at (ex: library, coffeeshop, student spaces?)

Personally for myself, I don't know that I would be comfortable enough to go out with a guy who I just randomly met. If we had small chats here and there to build a connection then that's different. But some women do like more confident guys so it depends on the individual. Also I say that the location of approaching someone is important because it would be inappropriate to try and get a date from someone who's studying for their final.

[KarateKenny in reply to Dreamer27]

I just approach them say hi and maybe give them a compliment on there shoes or bag since I'm into fashion stuff. I then ask them questions about what they're studying and things like that. I mostly approach them in student spaces right outside of classrooms. I don't go to like super private places where I think people would study for stuff like that. Like the library for example

I'm open to other ideas. I'm just really introverted and trying to put myself out there more. I don't have any experience dating or things like that. I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or pressure them. I just need to do something because I'd really like to meet someone nice that I could be in a relationship with

[Nothing_but_books in reply to KarateKenny]

I'm gonna get beaten up for this for sure, maybe even get taken down, but it seems to me girls aren't used to guys complimenting fashion accessories. Anyway, not guys who date girls. Seems to me, just being interested in them is a good approach.

[SayNOtoPanic]

honestly, you sound like a nice person, and to compliment someone is not bad at all. It’s great! Have you tried approaching women while they’re having a snack or a coffee and say how you doin, you mind if I grab a seat with you for a couple minutes, I’m in between classes. If they seem enthusiastic, take a seat introduce yourself ask what major they have yada yada. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t pressure yourself to meet someone, and it’ll come.

[KarateKenny in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

Thank you! I'm glad I come across that way :). I haven't tried that but I could give it a try. I gotta figure out some places I could go for that. Thank you for the reassuring words too it means a lot to me

[SayNOtoPanic]

you’re welcome! You got this!

[ScooterJoe]

Whoa, buddy--what's your hurry? You're 22 and going to college, correct? Why not just concentrate on what your aim should be while you're there and that is studying and preparing for what may be your life's work. I know the social life there is important but so is the time and effort spent on your education. If you are fortunate to have parents who can afford to pay for your education, You are doing them and yourself a disservice by being there squandering their money. If you are attending on government loans and grants, you may be there squandering my (tax) money! It just may be that some young lady is noticing you. There's nothing wrong with pursuing someone you would like to have a relationship with but there's also nothing wrong with letting things happen naturally and in their own time. Enjoy being young and free of too many entanglements while you can. Your youth is something that can't be regained. I'm an old-time with a lot of water that's gone under the bridge.

[KarateKenny in reply to ScooterJoe]

Thank you I understand my education is definitely important and I'm doing my best to do well. It's just something I really want to. I'll try not to get so obsessive with it. I'm just worried it'll never happen if I don't try my best

[ScooterJoe in reply to KarateKenny]

You sound very level-headed. Sometimes all we need is a little push to awaken what is already in us. I know things will work out for you. Good luck (and blessings!).

[Kinlay]

Dating apps are really a great way to meet others who are also actively looking to date. I have had some great long-term relationships come from that, including my husband - and also just some interesting connections.

Approaching someone randomly can definitely come off a bit stalkerish especially if you immediately ask them out. Instead, why not simply give them the compliment and then tell them to have nice day and walk off? you have planted a seed. Then, if you run into them a second time, it's not so strange if you strike up a casual conversation. IF they seem interested, then you could suggest grabbing a coffee sometime. Or, simply chat a bit, then wait for the third interaction to ask them out. By then, you may both have a better sense of whether or not there is an actual connection or attraction.

Don't be afraid to become friends first. Two things can come from this: 1. Some of the best relationships come after friendship and 2. They may have friends that might be a better romantic match for you. I have frequently set up guys who were my friends - and two of those ended in marriage!

[KarateKenny in reply to Kinlay]

I could give that a try. It'll have to be someone I think I have a good chance of seeing again. Thank you

[Manutd87]

Same here I never had a girl in my life I sometimes I do get upset because all my friends are married or have girl friends and I dont, I have also tried many dating app but no luck my other problem is that I Stammer since childhood.

[KarateKenny in reply to Manutd87]

I'm really sorry about that :(. I've also tried dating apps with out any luck. I'm sure someday things will change for you

[Manutd87]

Thanks and you as well