How should I word it to my therapist? - Anxiety and Depre...

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How should I word it to my therapist?

Llama00
Llama00

I don't think I matter in life and I sometimes feel the same in therapy. My therapist is really nice but it's her job, sometimes she confuses my thoughts for others and kind of forgets things. It doesn't upset me but it does make me feel like I don't matter. Therapy is the only place where I get talk out how I feel. My few friends I don't talk to alot anymore and this site is great but ots not the same. I want to tell my therapist some or most of this but I don't want to feel rude because she is very nice.

42 Replies
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That's tough....I really struggle to tell people if I don't like something or if something isn't working for me so I can understand that being tough. I used to be frustrated that I just wasn't finding a therapist I felt was giving me what I needed. I found one that was actually real and didn't sound scripted and seemed like she really wanted to understand my thoughts and feelings. But there were still things that I just felt like weren't working for me so I decided to tell her what I feel works for me.

What do you feel like would work best for you in therapy sessions?

My therapist takes notes on my past and the important people in my life and the gist of what's going on with me so she doesn't forget things. Does your therapist do that?

How long have you been going to this therapist? And how many therapists have you been to?

This is my second the other was almost 2 years ago and I didn't go much. I think I've been about 5 or 6 times, I'm going twice a week now. She takes note on somethings.. I don't know what would work best for me, I think no matter what I won't feel important. I feel like I'm just a 40 minute task.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. I have felt that way before and it is awful.

Do you express to your therapist that you feel this way? Or do you mainly talk about other things?

Talk about other things.

How would you feel about expressing those feelings to her? You don't necessarily have to say that sometimes she makes you feel that way but that you are feeling that way in general. Which is true...yes?

I could try to say it. I just don't want to come off rude.

I don't think that expressing that you are struggling with feeling like you don't matter in life will come across offensive to her at all. I think she would want you to express those true feelings. I think if anything she will want to try and help you find some purpose in life :)

If she is nice she will understand if you tell her about it. She’s there to help you! If you’re paying money to see her mine as well put some good use to it. Therapist won’t judge you so try not to overthink it too much. You can do this!

Llama00
Llama00 in reply to FearIsALiar

That's one of my problems I still feel judged and like I don't matter.

FearIsALiar
FearIsALiar in reply to Llama00

You matter! They are there to help u

Llama00
Llama00 in reply to FearIsALiar

I know that she is there to help but I'm just paying to get helped it's not like I really matter.

FearIsALiar
FearIsALiar in reply to Llama00

You do matter. Don’t tell yourself that you don’t matter. You’re only making yourself feel worse by doing that

Llama00
Llama00 in reply to FearIsALiar

I feel like I'm just accepting the truth. I'm not beneficial to the world at all. I'm just useless, depressed that's why I want to just disappear.

FearIsALiar
FearIsALiar in reply to Llama00

You are loved ❤️ you are not useless you are so worth it. You’re gonna be okay

Llama00
Llama00 in reply to FearIsALiar

I've been like this forever I don't think I'll ever be ok. It would be better to go now.

Why do you think you're useless? I know you said you haven't accomplished anything, but everyone accomplishes something.

I haven't. I'm just a burden, if I was to die now it wouldn't matter, I'm no one if life.

Aww. I'm sorry. Let's see: you made it through high school and college or equivalent (right?)

I'm sure if you thought hard enough you'd think of things you've accomplished.

I really haven't done anything with my life.

Llama00
Llama00 in reply to Llama00

I finished high school but no one cares about that

Well, there you go!

Having that doesn't make me feel better at all. I hated high school.

So did I! The bullying and peer pressure...ugh! I went to a small high school with only 30-40 kids in my grade. Most were in the "popular" group, where it was cool to smoke, skip class and not do your homework. I did none of those things, so I was "so not cool". It stunk big time!

I was just a nobody so nothing's really changed for me. I feel I should have ended my life then and have not wasted so much time.

That must be a terrible feeling for you; I'm so sorry you feel those things! Are you talking to your therapist about this? Or your family?

I don't speak to my family at all about it I've never trusted them. I go back to therapy Monday so I'll bring up some of it. It is a terrible feeling but one that I'm use to I've felt like this for a while now even though it doesn't get better.

I'm glad you will bring some of this up on Monday. You do deserve to feel better.

I don't know if I deserve to sometimes. I feel like this is what my life was meant to be.

FearIsALiar
FearIsALiar in reply to Llama00

Everyone deserves to feel better including YOU. Don’t bring yourself down like this. You are loved. I know idk you but I LOVE YOU! I CARE ABOUT YOU!

Llama00
Llama00 in reply to FearIsALiar

But you don't know me. I understand that youre being kind. Thank you for being kind. I just don't think I matter.

If she confuses your thoughts for others and forgets a lot then Id seek another therapist. It's her job to remember your story and guide you the best way she can. If she doesnt remember things she's not doing her job and she's not providing you with the best therapy you deserve. Here you are taking good care of yourself and you gotta remind her of things? No. Id think about changing therapists. If she has a bad memory she needs to start writing things down...lol

Llama00
Llama00 in reply to Sunnidayz1

I'll see if it happens more. I really hate change so therapy was already new for me I would quit if I had to change.

Sunnidayz1
Sunnidayz1 in reply to Llama00

Please dont quit😔Never give up on therapy. You are taking care of yourself by going. We all need to take care of ourselves physically and mentally. If you really like her then Id say " Im sorry Kelly but sometimes I feel you forget some of the things I say and it makes me feel sad" That's what Id say to her. She needs to know. If she is the right therapist for you shed respect your honesty and bravery. I know it's hard to say but honesty is always the best policy. Always. Even if it hurts.

Llama00
Llama00 in reply to Sunnidayz1

Ok I'll try doing that.

Sunnidayz1
Sunnidayz1 in reply to Llama00

💗

Please keep us posted. You are brave and strong remember that💗

Llama00
Llama00 in reply to Sunnidayz1

It doesn't feel like I'm brave or strong at all.

I did only a few therapy sessions (first time ever) over the summer and felt that way the whole time. It was hard to talk about my personal life and needs with this professional who was actually a stranger to me. It’s just a job to her, she gets paid to listen and give feedback, it’s not like they do it for free out of friendship or because they enjoy the company.

At the same time, I tried to remember that a person would not become a therapist in the first place unless they are passionate about it, genuinely care and want to help people out. I am sure your therapist finds it truly rewarding to help people like you get through their personal struggles.

Whatever you decide, I would be interested to hear what her response is and how it turns out for you.

Alright I'll post how it goes.

yep

?

Hi

Perhaps you should treat each therapy session as your first and not expect your therapist to remember what you have said previously.

Just gently remind them what you want to talk about for instance “Last time we talked about how I was feeling about ...... I want to talk a little bit more about that”

Some therapists have a big client list and it’s impossible to remember every detail even with notes, it has nothing to do with your story- you are important, it’s just that there are so many people who need help that one therapist can’t usually do it all. Believe me they feel terrible when they say the wrong thing because they know your session is really important to you and they want to help you.

I do hope that you don’t give up and if you like your therapist then this is so much more important as you will gain More benefit from your sessions if you have a good relationship.

All my very best wishes to you. ❤️

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