Who should I tell about my condition?

[Llab]

This is my first post. I'm 70 years old and until about a month ago I had never really experienced anxiety and depression. It's really frightening, terrifying at times. The doc gave me some benzos and they help me sleep (I told the doc that I had some stress and couldn't sleep well but didn't go into details).

Some days are ok and some bad. I am hoping it will just disappear in a while, is that realistic? So far I haven't told anyone about it, not even my wife (not the supportive type) and here in Japan, where I live, I don't have any close friends. Do you think this online support group could help?

[Hidden]

Hi. The sleep is disturbed because of the anxiety and depression, so treating the symptom of sleeplessness won’t get to the root of the problem. Can you identify what is at the root of your anxiety and depression? If it continues to get worse, an antidepressant is a better option. It will elevate your mood and also help you sleep. Something like Lexapro is very good at that. Seeing a counselor to work on your anxiety and depression is also helpful, as well as regular daily exercise and eating well.

[Llab in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much lynnealice for your quick response (I wish I could reply so quickly!). Generally I lead a reasonably healthy lifestyle and that helps. Recently I've been doing some breathing exercises and trying to keep my regular breathing nice and slow which definitely helps.

The main root of the problem is that I have recently retired and I haven't been coping very well with the changes. In particular I have been feeling very isolated, sometimes going days without speaking to anyone. That's tough for someone who was an ESL teacher!

Last night I went to a party. I had to force myself to go but today my mood is a little up. It has occurred to me that I should make an effort to contact people even if I don't feel like it. I called a relative in Australia today and want to continue to do this regularly. Maybe I can contact some friends via Skype.

I'll discuss medication with my doctor when I next see him.

Thanks again for your helpful comments.

It cheers me up 😊

[hypercat54 in reply to Llab]

Hi nice to meet you. There must be groups in Japan for the over 60's so can you join one? Look into the possibility of other groups too. You don't need to tell anyone if you don't want to and I would be very careful as many people don't really understand mental health issues. You can test the waters by just mentioning it in a very low key way and seeing how people react. Remember though that your are not defined by it.

I am retired and it is something you need to plan because work imposes it's structure on us and without it you can feel lost. The secret is to set your own structure instead; I do and it helps me enormously.

I only do things I love now so have my 2 nights out a week playing darts and a quiz, I play cards another day, and I also volunteer at a charity shop. I have made friends from getting myself out and about so see them regularly too.

I have a friend on another site who lives in Japan so if you tell me roughly what part I will ask her what facilities are available there. x

[Llab in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you hypercat54. You are right when you say that work imposes structure and we can feel lost without it. I didn't think about it too much as I had some writing projects planned for when I retired, but the reality was I couldn't get myself motivated to do much and it kept getting worse. I guess I couldn't handle the isolation.

I think your suggestion to join some groups is good although it's not so easy in a foreign country when you don't know the language very well. However, I continue to do a little teaching which gets me out. I've felt like melting down a few times in class but after persevering to the end my mood improves.

Thanks for your offer to talk with your friend. I live about an hour from Osaka which isn't very convenient but if there is something available I could check it out.

(I've just remembered that I will teach a few classes at the local YMCA in a couple of weeks so it might be worth checking there.)

[Amz1987 in reply to Llab]

Are you able to volunteer a couple days a week to keep your mind busy? I have seen that a lot of people seem to come across depression when they retire.

Open up to your doctor and see what help is available for you.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.

I’m only 32, been a work at home mum for 10 years and recently anxiety kicked in badly from being isolated all the time where I’m now experiencing a lot of social anxiety when I have to take my kids places etc. it’s not fun.

[Llab in reply to Amz1987]

Thanks Amz1987. Getting out of the house is certainly a good idea although sometimes I really have to push myself (especially on the days when fatigue overwhelms me). I'm doing a little part-time teaching and am looking to expand on that, maybe with volunteer work. As isolation is one of the reasons for my condition, talking with people is beneficial, but it does take some effort to front up which increases the anxiety. I guess you know all about it!

What steps are you taking for your situation? What do you find helpful?

[Amz1987 in reply to Llab]

Yes it’s hard trying to get out there isn’t it. Try not to overdo it but just small things to begin with.

Are you a teacher? I wonder if you could do some tutoring a couple of afternoons a week?

I have been helping out my father in law with yard work. He’s just been diagnosed with terminal cancer so he can’t do all the things he would normally do and he’s owns acreage so I’ve found keeping busy with that has helped some what. It’s the night time and early mornings I find the hardest to cope with.

[Llab in reply to Amz1987]

Yes, I am an English teacher in Japan and now work a little here and there.

For me mornings are the hardest, especially if I haven't slept well (which is usually the case), but I often feel better later in the evening. I sometimes think I'm actually ok only to wake up feeling a mess the next morning. It can be a real struggle to get going.

Last night I felt pretty good so I tried sleeping without meds. I could get to sleep all right but after a few hours I was awake and tossing and turning. I was a bit too optimistic! As you say, we shouldn't try to overdo it.

Sorry to hear about your father-in-law, it must put a lot of extra stress on you.

[Hidden in reply to Llab]

Llab getting out to the party was a great idea! I’m glad to hear you know the root of the problem and are

Taking actions to work through it. Big life transitions take time to adjust so don’t beat yourself up if you have down days while you are trying new things. We all get nostalgic about the past sometimes but the future can be even better. Wishing you the best, Lynn

[Llab in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the encouragement. You're right, the big transitions take time to get used to. Sometimes I feel I can cope, but other times it's all a bit much. One day at a time.

[quieturban]

Sorry you are feeling this way. Anxiety and depression can affect you in any stage of life. Maybe look into your diet. Some foods can actually help with depression and anxiety while others can make it worse. Is something triggering your anxiety and depression. Maybe seek professional counselling to get some help with it. I totally understand when family can be unsupportive with your personal issues. Mine is like that.

Really hope things get better for you.

Actually I just had an anxiety attacks myself. Had some herbal tea. It helped a little.

[Llab in reply to quieturban]

Hi quiet urban. Thanks for your message, it really helps to hear from others. Hope you are past your attack now. Just after reading your message I made myself a cup of chamomile tea, a drink I've always liked and which I hope helps. I love coffee but now it's off the menu except when I get super drowsy (maybe from both depression and my b.p. medication), and then a couple of sips improves my mood, but any more brings on more anxiety.

[quieturban in reply to Llab]

Yes I believe caffeine makes anxiety worse. I think that’s the case for me. I was better but not I’m having one again. I get so scared when I get these attacks. I’ve completely come off caffeine except for green tea which has a little. Chamomile helps me sometimes too and I even drink it to fall asleep at nights as I suffer a bits from insomnia

Hope things are better with you.

😊

[Llab in reply to quieturban]

They generally recommend avoiding caffeine and I agree, but yesterday my anxiety level was low and I took a chance with an iced coffee as part of a lunch set. I was worried if I had made a mistake but it turned out ok. At home I drink decaffeinated coffee but, here in Japan, few coffee shops have it. Also they don't usually serve green tea, but some places have herb tea.

Today my anxiety is up so I'll definitely be avoiding caffeine. I will work tonight (teaching) so I want to get myself in the best condition possible.

Those attacks sound terrible. How often do you get them and how long do they last? How do you handle them?

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Welcome to the group. It’s a great site with caring, knowledgeable people.

I just turned 70 and am just now dealing with a Major Depression and Anxiety Disorder. Actually I started therapy a couple of years ago and eventually had a breakdown that lasted a year and a half. I’ve hardly experienced anything like it.

Finally, after working with a counselor and psychiatrist, I’m back on an even playing field again. I feel your struggle.

Joining this group is a wonderful and courageous step. Keep posting and let us know how you’re feeling. Lynne

[Llab in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Hi LilyAnnepuppy. Thanks for your kind words. I have only just joined today and already I have received several messages of support which is very encouraging, just what I need. Do you have any tips on how I should use this site? People seem to be very well informed which makes me feel like an amateur!

Good to hear you are 'on an even playing field' after the horrors you've been through. The only good thing that has come from this is that I can now appreciate (to some extent) what others are going through. I hope I can help others sometime.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Llab]

I’d say you’re using this site just fine. There’s no magic to it. Merely read and post. If you want to have a private conversation with someone go to their page and click on the “conversation” button.

There are no experts here, maybe people who think they are. Mostly folks share their experience, strength and hope with each other. I’ve only been here for a less than 2 months, but it’s become a staple in my daily routine. It helps keep me grounded with my illness. It’s something I need to always be aware of, unfortunately. It takes work to be well. I wonder sometimes if my aging brain has run out of some necessary chemicals. Like losing cartilage in my knees (not that cartilage is a chemical. Bad analogy). 😎

[Llab in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thanks for the information. I think I'll get the hang of using it soon but I'm not sure how I should respond to others and who I should respond to. As for myself, should I just post updates and ask questions?

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Llab]

That’s what I do. You’ll probably see some posts you can identify with and you’ll share your own experience.

[Llab in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thank you 😊