I know I am depressed . I think it is anxiety combined with panic attacks. Try to keep this short. My son and his gf have been living with me. This is her 3rd time back in my house. We have had several heated events. She is pregnant with my sons child and her 3 year old lived with me two. She was constantly snapping at me. (I get it she is pregnant and hormonal). I walked on eggs shells most of the time. I usually blow it off or make amends with her. She has her own inner demons. This time I didn’t. A switch flipped on me and I snapped. I threatened to kill myself and went totally whacked. They are now with my 71 year old mother and I am the heartless bitch. This is just a short version. There is a lot of back story. I just need somewhere to go that is safe to express myself. And
Not even sure what is wrong with me - Anxiety and Depre...
Not even sure what is wrong with me
Think I would have blown my top too. There is only so much a person can take. You also have hormones.
I do. I am menapausal but the guilt is killing. That is my grand baby.
Aw l know. It is really tough on you. I hope a reconciliation will be reached. I feel for you.
That really helps. She is 23 and my son is 27. They really can’t afford to be on their own. They had it made here. 3 year old has her own room. They had a big room and private bath above the garage and was turning another room into a nursery. I am gone during the day because I work. . She was staying at home with the 3 year old. The only expense they had to cover weee groceries. Sorry if my typing is off. I don’t have my readers on and can barely see…..lol
I think the first step is apologizing to everybody involved for threatening to kill yourself. I know you're struggling, and you didn't mean to hurt anybody, but threatening self-harm is a form of manipulation that is unacceptable.
It also sounds like you and your son's family should not be cohabitating because it is stressing you out. When things die down, you should definitely say sorry for the threat, then explain that you love them, but maybe just visits will have to do.
Don't be accusatory and try to come from a place of love. Good luck!
I will say this, you may see it an manipulation because you have never wanted to kill yourself, I don’t know. I have apologized. There is a lot of back story I didn’t include. Like the fact my son told me to go f myself. Anyway, I appreciate your feed back. The only that has kept me from killing myself is the fear of going to hell. However, sometimes I feel like I am in a living hell.
it will take time. I am not sure I could sit down right now, but I know that they can’t. They have blocked me from everything. Mind you they have blocked me from cellphones I pay for. Anyway, time will tell. I will certainly miss the 3 year old. She isn’t my blood, but I love her dearly. I so appreciate your encouragement. It has been a really rough week! Well, actually the last 3 years have been rough, but again I only scratched the surface in my OP.
She uses the child as her weapon. She knows how much I love her.
Yes, I too was wondering why someone would post this. Trust me I already feel the guilt for doing it. I have taken pills twice in my life. I am 54 years old. The first time I was a teenager. The second was about 15 years ago. I have thoughts of suicide often but never express them. I certainly wish I didn’t have these thoughts and I envy anyone who has never had them. My life has not been easy. I have been very good to my son and daughter in law. She has 0 relationship with her own parents right now. I just felt like I had become a punching bag for all the other things going on around them. There are always two sides and this is mine. I am going to try to get into some kind of therapy.
Well, I don’t know everything that is going on here, but from my point of view, if they chose to have children together then they had better be prepared to take care of them and support them and not think they can just depend on their Mom and their grandmother to help them out all of the time. My cousin has a son that was having issues in high school and when he was seventeen he got his girlfriend pregnant. I would say in this day and age when everyone pretty much knows about condoms and birth control pills, that is being downright irresponsible and stupid. I don’t know that much about this girl he was with. She decided to have the baby. Then they both decided to get married and get an apartment together and try to make it work. After they found out how difficult it is to do that and be depending on welfare and WIC and having little money, they split up when their daughter was about 3 years old. Now he lives back at his Mom’s house and has his daughter on the weekends while the child’s mother has her during the week. She is now around 6 or 7 years old. The courts made it very clear to him through the divorce that if he wants to continue to see his daughter he needs to get a job and pay child support and basically man up here. So he’s learning stuff the hard way and while some of his friends in their early 20s are out partying and having a good time, he’s learning he can’t do that, he needs to take care of his daughter and now she is behind in school. I’m not sure what’s going to happen here eventually. This is a bad situation. I’d love to be able to step in and adopt his daughter or something like that but I do not make much money myself and I know I couldn’t support her. I told my Aunt who is her grandmother that I’m worried she may eventually need to be in foster care. So I just thought I would share that with you. It’s not your responsibility to save your sons children even though I’m sure you love them being their grandmother. You have your own life to live.
He has a decent paying job and has for a few years. They will both have to learn to live within their means. My husband and I are not rich by any means, but we have a nice home and good jobs. I am a teacher (no not a lot of money in it, but it is a secure job). My husband works for a contractor for the state and make decent money. That’s the problem with kids today. They think that before they are 30 they should have what mom and dad have worked 30 years for. It doesn’t work that way unless you are wealthy. I made mistakes when I was younger. I didn’t finish college but I went back and I had my degree by the time my son was 6. I went through divorce, went to college on the weekends and worked a 40 hour week job, while taking care of my son. It was hard! I have had help along the way but my son has never had to live like I did growing up. My dad is a narcissistic butt hole and I was finally able to complete cut ties with him almost 3 years ago. I truly believe that the root of all of issues stem from childhood trauma. I have never wanted that for my son……..but here we are. I am a complete disaster and don’t know what to do!
Well, I just don’t know what to tell you. I like to read some things that Maya Angelou writes and talks about. Something she wrote that has stuck with me is that sometimes if you don’t know what to do, it’s best not to do anything. And there’s only so much you can do here. I don’t know if that helps, but try to calm down. Maybe you and your son need some space and it would be best not to talk to each other for a few days.
I never told the OP that she was a bad person. I said that threatening self-harm in a moment of upset is a form of manipulation. Threatening to harm anyone while you're upset is a form of manipulation.
Maybe it's clearer when the scenario is changed. If the OP had said " you guys hate me so much, I'm going to kill you!" It is saying if you guys don't stop engaging in this behavior, this really bad thing is going to happen.
OP, the same taken abackness that you feel at the thought that you could hurt your son is the same way he feels at the thought that you could hurt yourself. He may not always like you, but he doesn't want you hurt.
Good people can do bad things. Give your son space - days, maybe weeks. Try writing down how feel and read it to him. Come from a place of love.
I still think you should not let him move back in. He is my age with a baby on the way, and it's time for him to fly the nest and for you to work on healing.
Can you tell me about CBT counseling. I have a lot of trust issues as well.
You needed to get that out.
Your son's gf doesn't seem to have a great deal of respect when living in somebody else's home.
I had it with my daughter. Her husband had an accident at work and he, she and their very little baby came to stay with me for a week or two. Basically they stayed 4 months, in My room, while I moved into the smallest bedroom. They didn't offer to pay for anything, not even food.
I turfed them out afterwards. They had an apartment in town, but it was better for him not to have to climb so many stairs, with his injured back. He was getting better by then.
My son and I are very low contact with them nowadays. I have moved as far away as I can and still be in the UK.
Cheers, Midori
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