Not quite sure how to live

[richw612]

I suffer from anxiety and depression which I often tried to manage on my own mostly because my social anxiety is really bad and I can't bring myself to talk to a doctor about it. Lately I have been feeling like my wife is setting me up for failure in many ways and I'm not reacting well so I just want to voice it somewhere. She is super paranoid that I am going to have an affair and always stops me from talking to other people. She is anti-social but says that it is not social anxiety, just enjoys being by herself. This is very different than me because even though it scares me I love being around people once I'm comfortable. There has been 5 times in the past and one recent event where she believes I had an affair. I am just learning about most of these now. The event is usually something simple such as this time I go to lunch with a group of people, 3 other guys and two women. I also work at home occasionally so she seen an IM sent by one of the women, it was sent on our company IM program so that was it according to her that was my girlfriend and I'm cheating. Now she stalks my phone and my work computer, she talks about her every day. We can't sit down and have a simple conversation without her saying something about this lady. She now has everyone we know mutually and our children who are all either in their 20's or late teens against me. Somehow she convinced them that my cheating is a fact and they won't talk to me because I'm the cheating husband. I tried everything to convince her that this is just a group of co-workers I have lunch with. The latest thing is that she started asking me about girls from when I was in High School. Now she is mad at me because I had girlfriends in High School, I am in my mid 40's. High School. I feel like she just wants to be a victim so everyone can feel bad for her with her cheating husband. I am an easy target because I deal with social anxiety so once I get a group of people I don't really change easily, they quickly become my go to people. I know that was a lot and yet just the intro for a little history. With all of this I have considered divorce but when I ask her how we can get through this she says she doesn't know. At the same time she is saying she will be with me forever but will not let this go. Without a longer explanation she is just not in a position to live on her own and I can't support both of us separately. She is also starting to do weird things. For example, the lady at work will send an e-mail in the morning and writes Good Morning with a character after it and signs her name with her initials. My wife will send me an e-mail every morning saying Good Morning with the same symbol and her initials. Just not entertaining. I genuinely feel like that this is my life and I'm beginning to consider that maybe the only way to fix this is not live any longer. These feelings are not because of a marriage problem alone, there is a long list of issues that I deal with. This was just the final straw that sent a message to myself that I cannot live this life anymore. I am now genuinely afraid of myself. I am hoping to get past this which is why I'm here but everyday I can't shake the thought - why am I alive?

[Hidden]

Sounds awful!

Can you go stay somewhere else for a while to get a break from it all, stay with family or friends.

[Hidden]

Hi Rich

What a mess in your head and your heart! Poor you. You’ve backed yourself into a corner and you need to make sense of your life.

I read your previous post. Your wife wanted out of your marriage then and now it’s your turn.

Have you considered marriage guidance? Are you in England? It’s called Relate.

Make a plan Rich...if your depression and or social anxiety is too painful and hard to manage please talk to a Doctor. There is medication that can help and you don’t hafta take it for a lifetime. You can ask for a double appointment at the end of a surgery so that you won’t feel pressured.

You believe that your wife has convinced the people you and she know and your grown-up children that you are a cheating husband. Could it be that they realise that she has become over-anxious and paranoid and maybe it’s best they keep out of your marriage difficulties.

What do I know?

I do see that you don’t trust each other anymore and it’s difficult to love someone when trust is gone.

I think bigjim‘s suggestion is a good one. If you can’t bring yourself to ask friends or family....force yourself or get a motel room for a couple of days. You really do need a break from such intolerable pressure to figure out a way forward to the life you want for yourself, your wife and your children.

[ashesb03]

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Have y'all thought about marriage counseling? I know you have social anxiety but maybe it could help. Also maybe try and sit down with her and let her know that she shouldn't be turning the kids against you. I hope that things start turning around for you. Keep going and being with your friends, its good therapy too. If you'd ever like to message and talk that would be fine with me. Good luck and God bless!

[richw612 in reply to ashesb03]

To answer the question on counseling. I have presented this to her multiple times and have seen a marriage counselor on my own to see if they can offer any advise. She does not want counseling because she said everything is fine I just need to stop cheating.

[ashesb03 in reply to richw612]

I'm sorry! Hopefully things will get better. I think you should at least get yourself into counseling. Bc suicide is not the answer. Your children need you and they will eventually see the truth.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Life is tough and complicated but we have to live it / suffer it we mustn't take our own life ?

God gave us life and He takes it away when our time comes

Not sure what to advise regarding your wife I think she must feel you don't love her anymore you have got into an unhealthy cycle but suicide is not the answer

[argh52]

This forced isolation via jealousy is textbook abusive, controlling behavior. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's true. Get help.