What is wrong with ME?

[mearl427]

This is my first post but I need some advice or just plain support. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, & OCD. But my question is employment related. In the last 2 years I have been fired from 4 jobs. The reasons range from skills not fast enough for the job, not being able to regulate my emotions in front of staff or patients (I cry when I get frustrated instead of getting mad), having trouble with communicating with supervisors (can't find right word, don't get my concerns across-then nothing gets accomplished), & taking constructive criticism appropriately (I feel like I am a failure AGAIN...and I shut down & just listen & they think I'm stuck up and know everything), and I need them to answer my ??'s more than once (its like I forget). I'm sure there is more but too hard to think right now. Please help. Is this part of my diagnoses OR am I a difficult employee?

Thank you

Michelle

[vishugurdasani]

You r a good and beautiful person.Anxiety and depression takes away your energy.It is none of your fault.you r a true human being when you cry. When people blame you there are many other reasons also.don't take things to your heart.Contact a COGNITIVE BEHAVIOUR PSYCHIATRIST/ COUNSELLOR( I am undergoing the same at ahmedabad)and you would be fine

[mearl427 in reply to vishugurdasani]

Thank you so much for replying. I almost thought that it was my fault when no one replied to my post. I have a psychiatrist & we just recently changed meds (so I have to wait for that to kick in), and I have been through 2-3 counselors in about 6 months that I felt like we didn't click or took what I said literally on the 1st meeting with me (not knowing that I use the wrong words while talking-like using pissed off...when really they are just annoyed). So she made a bad call & cost me to lose some trust between my family members and myself. Thanks again for the encouragement. I will continue my search for a counselor.

[vishugurdasani in reply to vishugurdasani]

This is the continuation of reply to mear27.In a small village, in the valley, lived a man who was always happy, kind, and well disposed to everyone he met. He always smiled, and had kind and encouraging words to say, whenever it was necessary. Everyone who met him, left feeling better, happier and elated.

One of the village dwellers was curious to know what his secret was, and how he could always be so kind and helpful. He wondered, how is it that he held no grudge towards anyone, and always was happy.

Once, upon meeting him in the street he asked him: "Most people are selfish and unsatisfied. They do not smile as often as you do; neither are they as helpful or kind as you are. How do you explain it?"

The man smiled at him and replied, "When you make peace with yourself, you can be in peace with the rest of the world. If you can recognize the spirit in yourself, you can recognize the spirit in everyone, and then you find it natural to be kind and well disposed to all. When you sit quiet and watch yourself, all kinds of things may come to the surface. Do nothing about them, don't react to them; as they have come so will they go, by themselves. All that matters is mindfulness, total awareness of oneself, or rather of one's mind. Watch your thoughts and see how they come and go. Leave your front door and back door open. Let thoughts come and go. Just don't serve them tea. Just let the mind sleep; you stay awake. Happiness comes when you are not seeking it.

When you are not making an effort to be happy,

then happiness is there. Always remember, never forget, your true nature. Happiness is your nature. Remember this all the time. "Thank you very much for your advice and explanations", said the villager, and went away happy and satisfied. ~~~

[vishugurdasani]

Could be God would be giving you better opportunity

[Hidden in reply to vishugurdasani]

Not everybody is a believer in God!

[Gettingthere231]

Try focusing on the task at hand and not how others are watching your work. Sometimes I battle focusing not on the task in front of me but on how the others will think of my performance, or action, or comments. This distracts me from truly listening to directions or concentrating on what I am doing. I find that my work is good and I do not have to worry what others are thinking. When i dont worry, I do much better work. You will be fine.

[mearl427 in reply to Gettingthere231]

I totally agree with you. That is probably what I'm doing. Thanks for the advice.

[ovilia]

I don't think that you're a bad employee, I think you are a good one because you seem to want to do a good job. After all you have been through, you are probably feeling very unsure of yourself, and things like anxiety have snowballed and decreased your concentration. I agree with gettingthere's advice. BTW I cry if I'm happy, sad, frustrated, mad, lol. I cried when my car, computer and TV all broke in a 2 week span and I had to spend money I didn't have drive hours in 115 degree heat index weather to get it all fixed without an air conditioner. I finally burst into tears when my landlord asked me what was wrong, and then SHE yelled at me and asked what was wrong with me. I thing that she is the lunatic, lol