Lonely

[ryanactive23]

Hope everyone is okay, i feel like when i am busy i feel okay but non work related i feel lonely always on my own which doesnt help, i dont have any friends or know how to make any, might sound silly, im sure a lot of people are in the same boat just wanted to know how people have dealt with this,

[just_keep_swimming]

I have social anxiety so making new friend has been hard . In Terms of making new friends I think pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is a good first step be that just talking to one new person or just going to a small event with people of similar Intrests ( I know this can be difficult ) and I think with this platform I have met and formed some friendships that have helped me .

[ryanactive23 in reply to just_keep_swimming]

Thankyou for the message, yeah it seems so natural and easy for a lot of people,

[just_keep_swimming in reply to ryanactive23]

yes it does feel like others have an easier time doing it I also think it’s building self confidence in yourself which I have little of I am always worried with the what ifs of like like what if I talk to that person and am rejected, what if I trip and embarrass myself it’s letting go of this what if’s that the hardest for me .

[ryanactive23 in reply to just_keep_swimming]

yeah I think for me I have a bit of confidence or I think I do, but its just how do you make friends? I have no idea

[just_keep_swimming in reply to ryanactive23]

I have been trying to put myself out there and going grownups that have similar interest to me

[Blueruth]

I have felt this way for sure and still do sometimes. You list 25 as your age. Have you considered how much being online affects how you feel. When you feel your lowest is it after being online for awhile?

[ryanactive23 in reply to Blueruth]

yeah I am online a lot, because otherwise i find it hard to concentrate and do other things which is constant recently, I just dont know what to do with myself,

[Blueruth in reply to ryanactive23]

being online a lot affects your concentration and therefore creativity. I don’t do it enough but if I turn it off and do something analog and boring I’m much better off. In fact boredom gets a bad rap but it is actually necessary to generate imagination. The entire point of sites like ticktock and instagram is to keep your mind moving. It’s not healthy.

[DropOfSunshine in reply to ryanactive23]

Long post, sharing since we are the same age and I also use being online as a coping mechanism, thought sharing my experience might be helpful. Im also online more than I should be, also 25 years old. Used to read all the time and write stories when I was a kid/teenager, also had lots of friends, until I developped social anxiety as a result of losing all my friends when I was 15 because of this big fight we had. I was alone for the whole school year and my confidence and social skills were seriously affected, and even though i kind of made amends with them at the end of the school year, things werent the same. I couldnt concentrate on anything besides my anxiety because I was suddenly all alone and friendless, I stopped reading and writing, and I started having serious issues making friends after that. I feel like everything Ive done since that moment has been an attempt to escape from the social anxiety, which has now kind of become a general anxiety disorder, although mainly social. I use compulsive facebook scrolling and stalking as well as youtube as a means to relieve my intrusive thoughts when I get anxiety. It deadens my mind at a time when catastrophizing and intrusive thoughts are eating me up. I started with this unhealthy coping mechanism in high school when I started having problems with my friends. I got addicted to my phone, which is an escape mechanism really, and that made everything even worse, because it affected my concentration skills (which used to be very good), leading me to procrastinate and avoid rather than deal with the problem, and disrupting my ability to concentrate on other hobbies such as reading or other healthier coping mechanisms, disrupting my social skills even more. Im now working on quiting the phone addiction, because i think its adding wood to the fire and has been for years. Therapy is helping me. Willpower. Picking up new hobbies that i truly enjoy. Looking outside of yourself and your immediate circle, whatever that may be , can help. Give yourself a reason to not be on your phone. You can start small. Think of things you ve always dreamed of doing and thought you would like. You can join a class. We are 25, we can get better, we can get out of this. Im sure you can recover at any age, but youth helps. I read this book called "How to Stop worrying about everything and nothing" by Robert Ladouceur, Eliane Leger, Lyna Belanger. It helped me understand my situation better, it gave me some tools to deal with anxiety.In conclusion, being online makes it worse. I go online to forget that Im alone, and perpetuate the being alone cycle rather than solve the problem. Maybe forums like this can be helpful to learn and get in touch with people who are struggling, but social media and youtube and scrolling is definely not good...

[ryanactive23 in reply to DropOfSunshine]

Hey! Thankyou for the tips and sharing your experience sounds very similar to myself, seems like no matter what I try it's so hard

[Celtic27]

Hi ryan do you socialise at all ,do you go clubbing or go on blind dates ! Have you got a low opinion of youself try not to hide away and get your self out there you will meet some one if you relax and and socialise more ! I wish you all the best get out there and get a partner !

[ryanactive23 in reply to Celtic27]

hi mate, honestly I dont really know where to start with anything 😅 I want to try new things, how do you do it alone?

[AnxiousSilver]

"i dont have any friends"

You'll always have friends here.

[ryanactive23 in reply to AnxiousSilver]

thankyou so much I appreciate that!! Likewise to!

[Nothingnoted]

Hi Ryan, I am here for you🙂

[Nothingnoted]

I know its hard to make friends even at my age. Just be yourself. We are your friends here, too. Hugs🤗🤗🤗🤗💜💜💜💜💜🤗🤗🤗🤗

[ryanactive23 in reply to Nothingnoted]

hI geinki, thankyou! I think maybe I try and surprise how I feel and how I am to much, thankyou! 😊😊 hope you are okay!

[hypercat54]

Hi most people learn how to make friends when young but some don't manage to pick up the social skills necessary.

The good news is you can teach yourself how, maybe with the help of therapy. I was in this situation when young so I did this and also watched how others especially popular people interacted and copied them adapting them of course to my personality.

It took me quite a while but I did learn the social skills and have never been friendless since. If I can do it so can you.

[ryanactive23 in reply to hypercat54]

i have had friends in the past/people and they always leave and I wonder if it's me, or how I'm acting or talking, but you are right maybe I can learn to be more confident and learn

[Tigerlilly7]

hello, I understand I’m similar myself

Why do you think this is?

I have not long realised about myself that I keep my walls high and don’t let people in or trust people. I have anxiety and find it difficult to talk to new people.

Have you had friends and lost them or never got close to anyone?

What are you interested in? It’s a good place to start to meet people with something you have in common with.

[ryanactive23 in reply to Tigerlilly7]

hi there, I have had friends, relationships, I am used to people leaving, but I think all of that has affected me a lot and theres some trauma in that, now I'm just at crossroads I guess! I hope you are okay how are you dealing with it? This site seems to help, I'd love to find some group therapy but it's all hard to find!

[Tigerlilly7]

hello

With anxiety ect I find it easier to meet people online but the group thing sounds good for you. If you search for mental health charity’s in your local area or maybe through your GP, I’m sure they can advice you of any group / classes available near by.

Good luck