Hello.
I would like to share about the time that I was a victim of sexual harassment, domestic violence and emotional abuse. In 2018, I was blackmailed or as some call it a victim of Sextortion. Before let me give a bit of a background.
I date someone for a long period of time. We were even talking about marriage. We had different beliefs. For instance I was a believer of God and he was atheist. But I was willing to work through it despite our differences.
I loved him uncontrollably and I trusted him in everything. They say love is blind and I can say yes it is.
I was so in love. I lost my virginity to him. He did lead me to sin. When he would requested sexually content I would send it him. Photos that were intimate and only for him.
I didn’t end up marrying this guy because he already had another girl. He was seeing her at the same time he was seeing me.
Dealing with the breakup itself was already hard. I didn’t feel enough. I felt like I lacked something.
I was healing and I was doing better.
However, this got worse. A year later after the breakup, I got a text and that text came with a link of an email. The email was sent by an unknown person.
The e-mail had sent me all the photos that I had sent my ex, which was only supposed to be between him and I. This unknown person that was sending the email started to sexually harassing me with my photos. He also requested more photos in exchange for money. He threatened me to leak and show it everyone if I didn’t send him anything.
I didn’t answer the email and made a police report. I even talked to an investigator. I’m trying everything to get justice for this person that violated the law and invaded my private of the intimate photos without my consult.
This was a form of domestic violence, sexual harassment.
I was shamed, humiliated and tortured in a such a matter.
I literally wanted to throw the towel and give up.
I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety. I’ve had anxiety and panic attacks. My breathing has been hard. My hand gets shaky and my eye twitches. I have vision problems. Self esteem issues. I sometimes I live with anger and resentment on why things happened the way they did.
I’m seeking help from mental services, licensed therapist and life coach. I’m talking supplements and vitamin to take care of myself. I sent time with dog and nature to not be isolated inside. I do hobbies like cooking, singing and art to distract myself.
I downloaded mental health applications and practice positive affirmations. I journal my emotions and do breathing exercises.
Because not only did it affect my mental health but also physical.
I have relationships issues. I have social anxiety. I don’t trust people or men.
I seek God for strength and forgiveness of my sin. I feel into sin sending intimate photos of love. I find hard to forgive myself because I fell in the sin of lust. Never did I imagine my photos would have consequences in such a way.
I fear what will happen in the future. I fear my profession.
It gets heavy sometimes and at times I want to throw the towel and give up.
However, if God made me with a purpose regardless of my past and mistake of falling into the sin of lust. There has to be a purpose in my life and I hope it’s for a good purpose.
It gets to me that up to this day this criminal is not found. I’m getting legal assistance from digital forensics and lawyers. And perhaps the FBI might get involved if needed. It gets to me that this criminal is still out there free doing more crime.
I would like to have my justice and I keep on praying for peace regardless of how things are.
I recently talking to a mental services and they suggested for me to join a support group to share my experience and related to people with similar experience and how to cope with it.
If there is any suggestions that you have that can help me? I would like to know.
I would like to know I’m not alone in this and that will get better. I want to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m fighting for justice and peace.