so my birthday was not to long ago, my man asked me what I wanted as I usually do I respond nothing. I always say nothing bcuz we have more important things to worry about and I always get bday money from family so it’s not biggie. Wellllll he insisted that I give him atleast a few options. So I gave him a few without expectation.
my birthday comes, I get nothing. He gives excuses per usual and I don’t get upset bcuz I know how it goes. (13yrs and always some excuse). Couple days pass and I find a flag hanging up in his man cave. I ask about it and he says he’s had it for awhile but never hung it. Knew that was a lie…. Called him out on said lie and get no response.
long story short he spent $30 on a flag that no1 will see besides him and he got it the same day he insisted I tell him what I wanted.
I asked for $5 flip flops and a $20 necklace.
He got a flag over wanting to put a smile on my face.
This is a prime example of why I don’t ask for anything ever and why I never get my hopes up. But it still fucking hurts.
Spending 34 under a rock. Thanks for reading my vent.
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Sticksnstones00
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Oh dear not good. Next time why not ask him for the money instead so you can get the present you want. Oh and don't get him anything for his birthday but do what he does. He might get the message then.
Or what you could do is wind him up. Say his flag is brilliant and just what you wanted. Say you presume he bought it for you and take it and hang it on your side of the bed. Lol
😂😂 when I found said flag I took a picture and sent it to him at work and asked if that was my gift. I was thinking about maybe wearing it around as a robe but he might enjoy it too much.
Absolutely! I have a good friend whose husband always forgot her birthday and it did hurt her. However she was very laid back so didn't do anything.
When we found out we all got together to take her out for a meal and got her pressies. She was so happy and said no one ever made a fuss of her on her birthday before. We all said you are great and thoroughly deserve it.
However after we all went to our local pub and her husband was there at the bar on his own. As soon as we walked in I knew he was in a very bad mood, but our friend didn't seem to realise. She did go over to talk to him for a while then returned to us.
She then went over again and his temper exploded and he grabbed her by the throat and lifted her up with her screaming
'Help me'. Quick as a flash the landlord, landlady, and male friend pinned him against the wall (he was an alki) and threatened him and told him to leave her alone. We were all shocked and was worried about her.
However next morning we saw them both out together looking happy and relaxed...... Unbelievable.
I feel it. I’ll tell you what I wish I had heard at 34. I just spent my 50th with not a single happy birthday present or even a spoken wish from my man of 27 years. Your birthday is important. You are important. If you do not insist on being treated properly they never will. We teach others how to treat us. And he has learned well.
Instead of relying on him go do something for yourself. Is there a museum you want to visit? Get your hair done? Go get a pair of shoes. Do something for yourself by yourself if need be. Don’t wait for others to honor you. Don’t wait . You are far more important, and more special.
Happy birthday darling. This is the only present I can give you. I hope it serves you well.❤️
Yea,my wife would only get me a cake and I actually buy her something for bday, mother's day, and anniversary. Then would get mad when I say something about it, she doesn't what anyone having attention but her.
I’m very surprised. You deserve a lot more than that after 13 years. I think it’s very normal to expect something for a birthday. The fact he asked and still didn't do it is just rude
Not let's have a bit of neutral observation & not dear old me the female who wants equality but then gets butt hurt when a flag is bought. After years of saying nothing & then giving ur LOVED one lame things to buy like flip flops & beads or whatever.
That there is a complete BREAK DOWN of BASIC COMMUNICATION between U & ur other half.
U are both at fault & that's ALL OF YOU that came up with what ever excuse for ur own fault.
I know this cuz this happened to me & I only realised AFTER my divorce & that 49% was on me & I say 49% cuz I didn't break one the the vows you take when u marry & it's why I won't marry again as its a 1 time thing & I've seen couples who were completely incompatible but then I've know people who I went to school with 30 years ago who are still together .
Now have U heard a sentence called Taking for granted? I bet u all have . Massive difference is you ladies tell each other everything & that's where the butt hurt starts . Well instead of talking to the girls TALK TO Ur OTHER HALF !!!!!
U need to communicate with each other , let me ask U this , does it have to be ur birthday for hi. To buy U a gift ? Or U take him out for dinner & tell him to put on his best suit on !!! Or he cook ur food as ur at work until late ? Can't U take out the trash ?
Equality is equal , which in turn means walking hand in hand , side by side . If U have a baby it means HE has a baby too & he can get up at 1am then 5am to do the feeds as that's what I used to do & I loved every second, in fact I gave our kids more time & attention than their mother gave them & when she did walk out , she didn't even want to take the kids , she just wanted to go out & pretend she was in her 20s & not a mother or wife. Again I didn't help by not communicating properly as it took me a few years after she left that the failure to communicate was on BOTH SIDES.
So my suggestion YOU BOTH START TALKING TO EACH OTHER & NOT THE BRUNCH GANG !!!!!!.
If ur married U willingly took & spoke the vows & if you DON'T love him any more then get talking now OR if ur starting to fall out of love best get talking & NOT through a shrink as U both got into this mess & it's up to U to sort it. And if ur passed talking stop pissing about & get divorced & both do ur own thing.
The kids are resilient & tell them it's not their fault but it's just U & wife/hubby are fault & u love them. Then get to talking calmly & remember don't lose ur cool.
If U don't want to end up there sort it out & then no need to vent & that's cuz U got shit sorted out .
I believe .....
IF YOU TAKE CARE OF THE SMALL ISSUES IN UR MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP THEN THE BIG ISSUES NEVER MANIFEST.
Nor do U get upset at no present. Or a happy birthday or any acknowledgement when U ladies lie about ur age in later life anyway.
If U want perfection don't marry , don't have any relationships & don't have kids as only U can truly understand U be U at ur worst or best !!! Oh & I prefer to remain single so then I can do as I want without any moaning or nagging
It sounds like you are still healing from your marriage. I hope you find peace.
You bring up one important issue:
communication is imperative. As I mentioned, we teach others how to treat us. If I don’t speak up and express a hurt it can fester and becomes a wound which is difficult to heal. No one can read our minds and hints are rarely effective.
I strongly agree that we must talk to our partner. But I’m not prepared to tell anyone not to reach out for support. Women and men communicate in vastly different ways. It’s often easier for women to talk to a friend to process a hurt. Hopefully that gives them the strength to address the issue at home.
I also encourage everyone ..no matter their gender …to make themselves as whole as possible so that a partner is a blessing not a necessity.
Living in a pile of bitterness is just sad. It keeps us from finding peace. When we have so much hurt inside it can manifest into aggression and hate. That not only keeps us from finding joy but keeps that wound open.
Honestly I've healed from my marriage as I realised years ago that I had a massive part to play in the breakdown & I've forgiven myself for that & like I say for me the vows we take is a massive step & should mean the same to everyone who gets married & if they're not then marriage isn't something they shouldn't enter into as the vows meant nothing.
Anyway. I've healed but I dislike the woman for what she did to the children she gave birth to & just dropped them like U would a match once you've lit a cigarette. My raised my 2 daughters on My own & I watched the times she would say yes I'll come see you & take you out , only to fail them over & over again. My eldest suffered most as her mother allowed her own family to blame our eldest daughter for the break up & the very uncles she adored turned on her & it crushed her & I saw the way it mentally affected her bur she is doing as she wants & being the person I knew she would always be . My youngest was hurts alot too & for years she would give the woman chance after chance after chance to be let down over & over & that's affected her too & she has a permanent wall of security up & she vents a lot & I cop it all & I try not to have a go back as I know why she venting .
So where U see me pining for the birth giver, I will say OH HELL NO !!!
I drove the kids a few times to go see her as the youngest still wanted mommy but she was acting out until the real world hit her & the eldest chose to give her another chance over & over as I asked her to as I was 4 when my mom passed away & I knew what it was like not having that chance. I even drove the kids down to where she lived with her 2nd hubby & I went in their home & shook his hand & said hi as I had no issues with him. Now kids are old enough to make their own decisions . Yes I'm learning more about me everyday & I'm not sorry for putting me & my needs first & my peace I find is with me , just me & no one else about & the pandemic taught me that . It taught me that most of the time I can't stand superficial people. Or people who would rather be know by any other label than Human Being, that's the only true label & another person's orientation is none of my business so please no need to shove if in my face ( so to speak ). If I approach a woman & she tells me I'm not her type then that's fine .
I def think you have some more healing to do, but thank you so very much for your concern. My man works everyday busts his ass so I can stay home with the kids so I don’t take him for granted in anyway. I just come to this forum to vent so I don’t irrationally blow up without thought. I have communicated my feelings about said situation to him. We will figure it out.
Sorry for your shitty marriage that ruined all possibilities of finding another to be happy with.
Why are u apologising for something u didn't have any input into the marriage's failure lol.
It's something that I contributed to & accept responsibility for. I too used to work 7 days a week to be able to bay bills & keeproof over our heads , she worked to.
I choose not to look for another woman due to the plain fact that the few I got together with after my marriage turned out to be liars like the ex wife. So I chose to put me first
I find now my kids are grown up & able to live their own lives & for me I realised that by being single I can do anything I want , when I want & there is no one I need to be wary of due to the possibility that she may lie.
I've never felt as happy as I do now when I put me first & I wish to keep my freedom & I'm lucky I raised my daughters to be independent & to cope with many a stress or strain or as some say a curve ball , mind you we had no option as it was mainly just us 3 for most of their lives. So I suppose I just find I'm free from the strains that good hard working folks have but down side is I'm going to be struggling very soon due to enormous energy bills. So winter it will be longjohns, joggers , night gown & hot water bottle to save money from having to pay the massive charges for gas for oven not gas as in petrol.
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I can't... just need moral support 
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