Feeling alone: My bf went to lie down... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Feeling alone

Kat63 profile image
11 Replies

My bf went to lie down in the other room, and it’s only 7:30 PM. Sometimes he does that. I’ve never liked it. I always worry that something is really wrong. (And he’s been doing this for years; he did it before our trouble started. So this is not new.)

But I know if I go in there and ask, he’ll just tell me nothing’s wrong and continue to just lie still.

If I could change one thing about him, this would be it.

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Kat63 profile image
Kat63
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11 Replies
Wild_N profile image
Wild_N

Hi Kate don't feel lonely at least he's still around. Between you n him who's suffering anxiety?

Instead of feeling lonely have you tried analysing the situation in the house changes etc. The manner of approach to challenges. Try without asking to observe what the problem could be, then you can at least deal with something you have knowledge of. Sometimes acknowledgement makes a difference. My thoughts but it could try advice if I know who has anxiety.

Emmlish profile image
Emmlish

Kat, you can never know what's going on in his head. And even if he disappears for a while he's gonna come back. I know it's super hard with this, I have same issue, to easily jump to conclusions about these kinds of things. I'm with you :)

JEG325 profile image
JEG325

Kat I missed this when you posted it. Sorry for that. Maybe he just needs time to decompress alone once and awhile. Sue and I do. We realized right away that we need several hours apart everyday and that's even though we love each other fiercely! If he's been doing it for years perhaps it's not really a problem, maybe it's more of a habit. Just don't read too much into it unless he starts doing it a lot and for longer and longer periods of time. Relax and stop worrying so much. Remember, your extended family is here for you all the time. Okay?

Kat63 profile image
Kat63 in reply to JEG325

Thank you for answering me. I think this probably is more of a habit with him. I wish I could stop feeling anxious.

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Kat63

If being alone from him is causing you to feel anxious then seek some extra quiet with him as soon as you can. Again, Sue and I love to cuddle. Try cuddling, light making out and telling him strategically how much you love him. But don't overdo that either. Balance is needed at all times. That's how a relationship works the best.

Kat63 profile image
Kat63 in reply to JEG325

I try very hard to hold back my neediness. I wish I wasn’t like this.

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Kat63

I think you're okay, Kat. You get inside you're own head too much. You need to find more activities to stay outside of your head. Other things to think about and do. It'll be daybreak soon if you're in the EST. Get some sun on your face if you can. It'll make you feel better. Read, watch TV, take a walk, do anything but sit around and worry. Listen I'm up 90 minutes past my bedtime and I have to get into bed now. I will pray for you before I fall asleep. If you're not sleepy, get more active and don't forget some sun early. Any sun is good but the earlier in the morning the better it will help you sleep at night. Have a blessed day, my awesome friend. We can talk tomorrow in the afternoon if you need to. Others can talk to you as they're available. Okay? 'Night, Kat!

Kat63 profile image
Kat63 in reply to JEG325

Thank you so much, John.

I know that the fears inside my head are way out of proportion to the reality of the situation.

My bf does the same thing. He goes into depression lasting a few days to about a week or so. He usually gets a fit of agitation and argumentative beforehand. After his episode of depression, he slowly becomes loving again. Until the next cycle starts. I've actually told him how I get lonely. It doesn't phase him. I have resolved to live my life, with or without him each day. I can't fix him. And you can't fix your bf either. Mine is on antidepressants, which the psychiatrist refuses to adjust. Is your bf? Is there a history in his family?

Kat63 profile image
Kat63 in reply to

Yes, he has gone through periods of depression. He tried several antidepressants but could not tolerate the side effects. He does not feel able to do talk therapy.

I’m trying to focus on the good things that happen between us. This morning he saw me out the door with a hug, a kiss, a smile, and his eyes lit up. And then blew me a little extra kiss. I’m trying to focus on that.

Nom-D-Ploom profile image
Nom-D-Ploom

Flashback to dinners when I was a teenager.

My father: "What's wrong?" Me: "Nothing." Him:" I know there's something wrong." Me" "No. Nothing." over and over again until he is mad nd I am crying. There was nothing wrong when he started.

I am not trying to be judgmental, just remembering how it felt to always be questioned.

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