My mind is so dark

[Adamj]

I just can’t seem to get myself out of this it’s been months like most of you know. I keep trying and trying but the dark thoughts are still there the world feels dark to me doesn’t feel real. I’m tired of whatever my body is doing. Like I’ve stated before all blood tests came back fine and such. I notice everything going on in my body it’s so dark. I keep getting random new symptoms. If I could sleep all day and all night I would because that’s the only time I don’t seem to be in pain physically or mentally thought last night I started having bad panic when I was falling asleep which was weird. I try and distract myself but nothing seems to help. I have about one good day a week if that it’s so frustrating. I’m just numb to everything little things stress me out I’ve never felt like this before and I’m tired of thinking I have something bad wrong with me or I’m about to die. Sometimes it feels like my body just even freezes up and I don’t move and I space out. I know everyone is like don’t give up hope but I’m tired of this.

[Nothing_but_books]

I do know you're struggling. I'm so sorry.

I was kind of hoping one of our younger members would see your post and respond, but so far, only me. Sorry.

Have you tried using Google to look up what's going on? Making a list of symptoms and seeing what you come up with? For instance:

What's wrong physically?

What's going on mentally?

What happens before and during the one good day a week? Diet changes? More / less sleep? / Happier thoughts?

Your blood tests came back fine, so there's that comfort. Scant, I know.

At the very least, you'll give yourself a clearer picture of the details.

The spacing out. That's dissociating. Your mind is taking a needed vacation from trouble.

You're still posting. Amazing, I hope you recognize it. It takes courage to keep trying when things crap out. 🦜

youtube.com/watch?v=xFyIbjW...(Not working as expected?)

[Adamj in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Thank you yeah I’ve tried different things looked up different things I really think my brain has to much time to think which just turns into a spiral. I think I have everything wrong with me. I really think there’s something wrong with my adrenal gland but the doctors are just like you have a chemical imbalance and nothing else.

[b1b1b1 in reply to Adamj]

Having too much time to think is not good. Anxiety likes to fill empty time.

[Adamj in reply to b1b1b1]

True that

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Adamj]

I think People's Pharmacy had a show on adrenal uhm, I think they called it adrenal fatigue, a while back. They interviewed some guy that ran a clinic. I couldn't find a link, but you could look it up.

[Hidden]

I feel same way. 😔 Do you see any therapist?

[Adamj in reply to Hidden]

I lost my therapist sadly because she just likes to ditch me and such. I do hopefully have a new one lined up. Talk therapy is so good

[Hidden in reply to Adamj]

Because if my insurance I can only see my therapist once a month and it’s not helping. I just wanna be isolated and only sleep can ease my mind. 😔

[Adamj in reply to Hidden]

That’s bullshit I feel for you. So much can happen in a months time. Fight for your right to get better.

[Hidden in reply to Adamj]

You’re absolutely right. They just prescribe me bunch of Xanax, propanolol 20mg 3 times a day and think that’s enough 🤷‍♀️

[Adamj in reply to Hidden]

Yeah my doctor is like next I’m going to put you on mood stabilizers like really F off. I’m reaching out for help I don’t want to be drugged the rest of my life. I hate medicine they’re currently having me try Buspar idk if it’s making me feel any different if anything I’m starting to get more weird symptoms. I’ve yet to try the Xanax they gave me to scared to cuz I don’t like taking medicine.

[Hidden in reply to Adamj]

They at first suggested Valium but that is horrifying way to live on. I draw the line at Xanax (can be addictive), it does help as needed at night. Oh no how many choices of mood stabilizers they can think of?, just another method to turn us into a zombie. I take Propanolol to control my heart palpitation and a lot of meditation clips from YouTube. You have to speak up your concern at all time when you have a chance with them.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Adamj]

Be careful of Benzos! The doctors never warn you how #$@!% dangerous they are.

[Starrlight]

Try being with the pain until it leaves. I’m having terrible sensations right now. I am accepting that this is just how it is snd it will pass. Acknowledging is helpful, even talking to the feeling is helpful.

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

I’m slowly trying that ugh

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

You're so brave. Yell at the sensations! Tell 'em off! That's what Agora talked about last night, and I think she has a point.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Cool. Well then Go fing die sensations!!!!!! Ha is that good? It made me smile and feel better about it.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

(Me too.)