The struggle with therapists

[Against_the_current]

Everyone say "go to therapy". I'm going to therapy since 2 years but i guess it's not working. Now i'm thinking about breaking up with my therapist, it only overwhelms me more. Plus it's phone therapy. But i'm scared of losing my progress and of speaking my traumas over and over again and she knows them. The therapist that my psychiatrist recomended and was rude and didn't care about me, is already out of the list, but i have to figure out what to do with this one and how to choose between 2 others that i feel will help me more and this time i will make it right - with therapists i choose, in their office, paying normally full price. But i can't choose. I have 2 options - a Clinical CBT therapist that my psychiatrist recomended and in theory feels perfect but idk in practic or another therapist that i'm seeing everywhere - she gave us a class and was the therapist of a friend and is working with chronic illnesses and psychosomatics wich is the root and with the Dreams and hyphnosis where i have problems with nightmares and dissosiation and writing a book on online relationships where i have open wounds. But she works in the cancers hospital and i'm worried she might be overworked and grumpy and i'm sorry but rn i need someone to reassure me i can't face the painful truth rn, but she was nice to me at school - when i started crying because i lost the literature contest she passed me by and said "who the hell reads newspapers, write a book". And i'm thinking but i'm scared to call and i'm scared to choose and i don't want to explain the whole story once over again or twice If my choice was wrong, and idk how to break up with my current therapist and i have a session with her after an hour and i'm anxious. Here i had a lot of bad therapists and i don't want to be hurt again, waste time, money and mental energy, thinking what if i should just deal on my own and bottle it up and rest instead of talking it over and over again. Also therapists in this country aren't good. Ah i don't know what to do

[Against_the_current]

Thanks but it's hard for me since i'm outside America and also the currency and prices. Tho i feel like i found a new therapist but i have to find out what to do with the old one