I got this fear of People judging me, telling me what to do, where my weakness is, trying to fix me, critising what i am when i just need support. I don't even want to go to the therapist (nor have chosen who to go to) because i'm done listening about my deepest weekness, how broken i am, how insane i am, how much work i have to do. I swear i have been doing this for ages. I have been digging and digging and working on myself. That's why i'm tired. It's like physical medicine - i'm sick and i'm done being drawn blood and examined, i need the remedy, i have no more blood to be drawn and examined and it hurts to be drawn blood espessially this much and espessially in my coundidion. (Examing blood is a metaphor of analysing me). I can fix myself, i want to fix myself, the job is only to hold my hand while i fix myself, not fix me. I need acceptance and support not "You should", "why haven't you", judge ment, why-s, critics... Can't i be me? Make mistakes? Be accepted for who i am? I'm feeling ashamed because i do care about critism a lot.
Talkinn about that happy June! Happy pride 🌈. The month of acceptance. Be who you are. But it's hard. And i hate how people make it for profit or political. I'm in Europe and in an old fashioned country in Europe and here it's different so please don't judge me. Here it's different. Also any plans for June? Holidays? I have an exam session. Do you read June horoscope? I can't believe the year got to half. Where is time going? I feel like i will go to sleep, i will wake up not knowing where i am from nightmares and it will be 2027. For real i need to ground after waking up. So much nightmares that i feel like i'm at home's bed.
xx
Fear of being on my own
Judged for only now getting first shot
Fearful thoughts and feelings and a huge lack of motivation
Strong anxiety and fear of dying
