I'm Here If Anyone Needs To Talk. I'll Listen.

[71265]

Hi All, I'm A Grandmother Who Struggles With PTSD, Anxiety And Depression. I've Come To Terms With My Illness, And Work Through It As Best I Can As It Affects Me, Sometimes On A Daily Basis. When I Was First Diagnosed 4 Years Ago, I Was Put On A Series Of Different Meds For Everything From Stress Eating To Nightmares. I've Since Weaned Myself Off Of Them All Because I Realized There Is No Cure, And I Needed To Learn To Help Myself, So, I Read, Color, Collect And Play With Dolls And Toys, Write Stories, Daydream, And Anything Else That I Feel Helps Me Get Through The Day Or Night. I'm Sad To Realize That There Are More And More People Suffering From Mental Illness. I'm Here If Anyone Needs To Talk.

[Hidden]

Hi I have had anxiety issues for many years and did try medications but did not find them helpful.After being a recluse for many years now I think like you mention we need to help ourselves a bit.I just joined this site and must force myself soon to head to the local senior center to get me out of the house.I do enjoy a walk with my dog each day and do find that helpful.I have read at several places exercise helps relieve anxiety somewhat.

[Blueruth in reply to Hidden]

The original poster joined today and is immediately asking to DM. They are probably not real. Be safe.

[Hidden in reply to Blueruth]

Sorry honest I did not mean anything than a post so forgive and forget my ignorance.

[Blueruth in reply to Hidden]

You didn't do anything wrong. Sorry if I wasn't clear. I was referring to the OP. Bad actors create accounts and then try to lure people into pm.

[Hidden in reply to Blueruth]

No I have anxiety issues and was trying to conquer this problem instead of hiding away.So where I thought I was just posting a comment on a wall not asking for anything.My computer skills are limited so if I posted wrongly it was completely through incompetence rather than malice.Sorry.

[Blueruth in reply to Hidden]

The original poster posted verbiage that is suspiciously a bad actor. unless you have been here a while you probably wouldn't have necessarily recognized it. I am not criticizing you at all.But just as advice because you are new... if anyone you don't know well sends you a direct message you should be very careful about telling them any. For example do not tell them where you live.

[Daveacr1959 in reply to Blueruth]

Why is it wrong to tell what city you live in? Thanks

[Blueruth in reply to Daveacr1959]

In the terms HU addresses this... Providing too much identifiable information can lead people to figure out who you are IRL. I have mentioned my city so it isn't something I panic about. I don't make a practice of this but I figured out what city a scammer lives in, what religion they are and could have probably gone further. (they PM'd young women with porn). That was a five min search and I am not in the business of scamming people. Once they do that there are a zillion ways they can scam you. In one example a scammer figured out a password because the person used their dogs name and then posted the dog on instagram. They just had to try some variations. I would use a more anonymous user name too.

[71265 in reply to Blueruth]

Well, I've Re-Read My Post And I Can't See Where I Would Come Off As A Lurker Or Someone Looking To Lure Some Into Something. Also, I Still Don't Understand About The "Verbage" I Used, Can You Please Give Me An Example Of What I Posted That Was Bad Verbage....? The Last Thing I Want To Do Is Make Anyone Uncomfortable, Including Myself.

[71265 in reply to Blueruth]

Hi, Are You Saying That I Might Be A Scanner Of Some Sort? I Don't Understand What Verbage I Used That You're Talking About. The Only Thing I Want Is To Give The Only Thing That I Feel I Can - To Listen. I Am Broken And My Life Is A Mess, I Always Need My Family To Listen To Me, So I Know That's What Others Out There Need Too. Just Someone To Listen.

[Blueruth in reply to 71265]

Apologies if you are not trying to scam.

How scammer operate on this forum is (immediately after registering) offer to listen, have some sort of solution - usually alternative, and then that is an entry into a private message. Then they build trust and start asking for personal information or maybe go down the pervert path. Can you see how one would think that is a possibility?

I don't feel like you are a scammer now but I suggest an approach in hindsight would be to comment or a pure introduction and lurk for a while. Otherwise welcome!

[71265 in reply to Hidden]

Yes! My Elderly Sister Lives Next Door And Is Retired And Widowed So She Has Become A Recluse That Doesn't Want To Get Out On Her Own, And I Get That Way Too, So I Invite Her Out For A Coffee, Or A Trip To The Library Just So We Both Get Out!

[Against_the_current]

I need a talk. I'm heartbroken

[71265 in reply to Against_the_current]

Hi, I'll Listen.

[Against_the_current in reply to 71265]

Thank you. It's a long story. November 2020 i escaped from my borderline mom and went to dad's house. There i saw his girlfriend pregnant and i haven't been myself since then. Got back to mom. So much struggling that i really needed some affection and reassurance. We were talking, he needed help too, he wanted my love and i was weak and gave it. I fell online. But i got jelaous and messaged the girl he was talking with, this creepy him out and he lost all his feelings for me and thinks i'm creepy. And i just want his love and he doesn't give it nor lets me love him and i act hurt and he says im mean. I got butterflies when he liked my pic but then found out he lost feelings for me so long ago. I'm so frustrated - Why did the girl tell him, why is he so freaked out, why did i do it i ruined everything, and i miss it, and i need affection and attention and reassurance. I know i should take care of myself myself but i'm human and i need it. If he was going to dump me, why got me in the first place?

[71265 in reply to Against_the_current]

I'm Sorry You Are Struggling With What's Happened To You. I Realized At This Older Age In life That If I Am Trying To Use Other People To Fill In The Empty Places of My Life, I Will Fail Because I Have Created A Comfortable Place For Negative Or Unbalanced Things To Move Into My Life, And Life Is Hard Already Without My Adding Other People And Potential Conflicts. Yes, You Need To Take Care Of Yourself First Because You Can't Take Care Of, Help Or Live Compatably With Another Until You Are First Stable By/With Yourself.

[Against_the_current in reply to 71265]

Yeah but i can't. I have this compulsion to seek reassurance when things get bad (and with my mom, dad, sis, country, head they get bad) and i can't calm down until i get reassurance

[71265 in reply to Against_the_current]

I Had To Learn How Give Myself Reassurance, Because I Stress About A Lot Of Things And I Have Really Bad Anxiety, Especially Car Anxiety, About My Car Breaking On Me While Driving, Being Pulled Over By Police, Causing Traffic Jams And Ect ... I Have To Constantly Reassure Myself That I And My Car Will Be okay, Or That Someone Will Be Kind, Understanding And Helpful If Any Of These Things Happens To Me While In My Car.

[Against_the_current in reply to 71265]

Happens to my mother a lot too. Probably contributed to my anxiety. But i don't think it's just 1 thing. Many things worry me. And maybe it's not the worry. Maybe i just need attention and affection

[71265 in reply to Against_the_current]

Yes, Same Here, I Worry About My Adult Grandkids, I Worry About If I'm Going To Get Fired From My Job, Even If Everything Is Going Good And They Reassure Me That They Like Me There... I Try To Keep My Mind Busy. Cartoons, Toys And Harry Potter Help Me So Much.

[Against_the_current in reply to 71265]

Trying with similar things but it doesn't work anymore. The thing that worked the most was a videogame but he pays it and when i get there, it hurts so much. Espessially that i see him there playing but not responding to my messages. Espessially that i ruined it by appearing to his stream and asking who's the girl he's playing with, espessially that maybe now he has a new girl and put her as his gf there. The game has an option to put someone as your bf gf. He's there, playing, not responding, probably with other girl and that's why i have to hold myself not to watch, thinking i'm crazy. Just because i acted jelaous once there, my fear came true

[71265 in reply to Against_the_current]

I Think That We Are Constantly Changing To The World Around Us, And So I See Where I Constantly Find And Use Different Things To Continually Cope In Life. It May Be A Good Time To Find Something New To Help You Cope And Keep Yourself Busy. Hugs!

[Against_the_current in reply to 71265]

So i can change. Hugs

[4Penny]

Struggle is the word...me too. I'm on medicine..it helps somewhat..I'm going to try a psychiatrist..I'm 68..love my grandkids but I get so down..all I think about is going to sleep at nite later. And I'm always nervous and anxious..I work and that gets my mind off things but when I get home it's hard to get anything done. Lost interest in eating. This started a year ago..wish I could go back to feeling good again. We will keep trying....

[71265 in reply to 4Penny]

I Get Nervous And Anxious Alot. Everything Seems To Worry Me, And I Always Think Of The Worst Thing That Might Happen. Sometime This Causes Me To Have Bad Dreams That I Know Are Brought On Because I Think Of The Worst Thing That Could Happen. I Wonder If I'm So Used To My Past Traumas That Im Actually More Scared Of Things Going Right For Me. I Do Feel Guilty And Undeserving For Things That Have Gone Right In My Life. I Don't Know If This Is True, But It Does Help Because I Can Say To Myself, "Oh, That's What I'm Feeling". Not Knowing Is The Worst Part Of Anxiety For Me.

[Jorja70]

Hi. I suffer from a moderate depression that has gone on for years. Suffered in silence and only felt better when I could figure out the solution and work it to be somewhat fixed. I am not a pill taker. I don't like anything that makes me not in control of my self. Have tried several and if they worked at all I felt worse or numb. Didn't like that feeling so I just suffered with it. Therapy is too expensive. I tried to find a group thing in my town and near by but haven't found one yet. Beside the loneliness of my life I have a few family issues. I am retired and had to retire at 65 because of a hurt back. I had a few friends when I worked but now they don't seem to have the time for me. My nearest family member lives 50 miles away and we get together once or twice a month. It is my son. I have two other children that live in 300 miles. I rarely see them. My oldest daughter and I have had issues since she was a teenager and it steadily got worse over the years. About 40 or so years ago my daughter came to me and told me that 8 years earlier my then boyfriend molested her. I jumped up and started out the door to either kill him or have him arrested. She told me she didn't want any of that. I then asked her why she had waited so long to tell me. All I got was a shrugged shoulder. I tried to talk to her about it. I told her I had no idea it had happened. That she had showed no sign of it or acted different. But she told me she didn't want to talk about it. I told her I would take her to a therapist or someone she could talk to but she said no. It went on for some till like that. She later married and move away. But off and on she cut ties from me. She told me she blamed me 100% for it happening and I tried to tell her my guilt is putting her in the time and place but I didn't do the deed. But she is still in that mindset. Lately, my youngest daughter has been pulling away and won't tell me what the problem is. She has now texted me and told me she hated me. But won't tell me why. I believe my oldest daughter has been in touch with her and is feeding her with whatever to turn her against me. She will not call me or answer when I call her. So I'm sinking deeper. I pray about it but no answers. I cry all the time. I try to do things that will take my mind off of it and for an hour or 2 I don't think about it. My back problem limits me in most activities. So I don't get out much. So a lot of the time I'm having a self pity party. I am not a drinker so I can't drown it away. My husband was a heavy drinker at one time and I asked him why he drank so much and he said to drown the PTSD he had from Veitnam. When he was drunk, that's all he talked about so how was he forgetting the pain if all he talked about was that pain. So I don't drink. I need help. And only think I get from my son is move on with it. But I can't move of the time. My heart hurts because I don't know what I'm fighting. So I sink lower. That all is just one of the problems I have dealt with over the years. I wrote a Journal of my life from 4 years old and only half way thru it. I myself was molested when I was 4 and only 4 people knew about it long after it happened and those 4 people are dead now. I have told 1 or 2 others in the last few years but no one else. So I need help. I didn't mention but I am 70 years old. I feel 170. I've never thought of killing myself and don't think it will ever come up as an option. But I am a smoker and I know I need to quit but my depression won't let me. I've talked with my doctor about it and I said that if I have to give up my smoking, I'm done. I will have nothing. So I need help.

[71265 in reply to Jorja70]

I'm So Sorry That You're Going Through This, And Especially If You're Going Through It Alone. Everything Is Harder When A Person Feels Isolated. This Ex Boyfriend, Is He Still Alive? I Only Ask Because I Think He Should Be Held Accountable For What He Did. I Don't Know If This Would Help With The Healing Of Both You And Your Daughter, But I Think It Might. My Thoughts Are With You Today.

[Jorja70 in reply to 71265]

No he's died a few years back. I wanted him to pay but my daughter said she would deny it if I tried to force it. She tied my hands then blamed me for it happening. It was damned if I do and damned if I don't. I have told her we needed to sit down and talk and have a mediator if not a therapist or even a preacher. But she seems to feel that it's better to blame me than to fix it. Thank you for your concern.

[71265 in reply to Jorja70]

Oh My! I Am So Sorry You Are Going Through This! I'm Glad To Hear That You're Journaling About Your Feelings, Because I Think That Really Helps A Person Feel More In Control, And That's Really Important. I Really Hope Your Daughter Will Seek Out Therapy Even If She Does It Separately..

[71265]

Oh My! I Am So Sorry You Are Going Through This! I'm Glad To Hear That You're Journaling About Your Feelings Because I Think That Really Helps A Person Feel More In Control, And That's Really Important. I Really Hope Your Daughter Will Seek Out Therapy Even If She Does It Separately.

[ShakeyD]

Hello Grandma, hope you are well. I suffer from anxiety. I find it courageous that you've taken the step to help yourself. I also think it's cool that you have things to keep your mind occupied. I too have several hobbies. Where does your PTSD stem from?

[Jorja70 in reply to ShakeyD]

I don't have PTSD. Several members of my family have had it and my husband had it. It's the depression and emotional stress that I suffer. Also my back is bad. From my L2 to L5, between bulging disc (L3 and L4) 2 is something like radiopathy and 5 is arthritis. The pain I suffer from that is constant and the only thing I take for it is Tylenol. I have tried mild prescription drugs but they aren't any better than Tylenol so I just resort to that.

[71265 in reply to Jorja70]

My Father Had To Retire Early From The Army When A Bomb Casing Fell And Trapped Him On The Base He Worked At In Nevada, And He Suffered From Back Pain The Rest Of His Life. He Had To Change His Diet, And Do Soft Slow Repeatative Stretching Excercises To Keep Himself Mobile. He Also Took To Growing Cannabis And Making Teas And Balms Out Of It To Help Ease His Pain. This Was Way Back In The 1960s And 70s.

[71265 in reply to ShakeyD]

Hello, And Thank You. Yes, I Love My Dolls And Toys, They Really Comfort Me! I Now Live In A Town Where I Am Encouraged And Not Shamed If I Take A Doll With Me To The Doctor, Dentist Or Bank, Because Some Days, I Still Don't Feel Brave. The PTSD Stems From Childhood Abuse That Was Mostly Verbal And Mental. I Was Surprised When I Was Diagnosed For That And Not For A Forced Pregnancy And Then Incarceration That Happened To Me As A Teen. But, I Guess The Human Mind Processes Things Differently Than What We Would Assume It Does.

[Jorja70]

I sometimes feel so alone in this part of my life. I don't like to burden anyone with my problems so I mostly deal with it myself. A few close friends have been a sounding board for me but I don't want to bother them since they have their own problems and I do listen to them. But I can't seem to "suck it up" and go on with my life. I talked to a niece of mine and she told me she would love to hear or read my journal so I downloaded on a thumbdrive and sent it to her. She told me she cried thru all of it. But could give me no solution or how to fix it. She told me she had no idea I had been thru all the things she read. She told me I hid it well. I told her I had too to function. She didn't tell me to thicken my skin or suck it up, she just said I'm so sorry. So I'm tired of all the load and need to get it away from me. I have prayed God would unburden me but that hasn't happened so I feel he wants me to do something else. I don't know what that is but I will try most anything.

[71265 in reply to Jorja70]

I Am So Sorry That You Are Carrying Such A Load! I Don't Have Any Answers Or Solutions. I Know That Hiding Our Pasts Is So Hard To Do And That In itself is Such A Load Too. I'm Glad You Found This Group To At Least Be Able To Talk. ((HUGS!))

[Jorja70 in reply to 71265]

Thank you for your compassion. I have carried this load for some time and I'm tired. I would like to find a group near me or relatively close to be able to go and tell my life story. To find someone that may have the key to unlock whatever door I need to go thru in order to lighten the load. But there aren't any within 120 miles of my home.. I am glad I have found this group. At least I feel no so alone in this journey I'm on. Thank you. There are AA 's all over the place but none for mental support. Maybe I need to fake being an alcoholic and go that route. But I'm not a dishonest person so I can't do that. The guilt would eat me alive.

[Jorja70]

I haven't watched the news since the last presidential elections. I detest negative drama and that's all it was reporting. I check the weather or if I see something of interest then I look it up to see if it's garbage or truth. My exercise consist of walking the 13 steps to my shower or bedroom and the grocery store because I can lean on the cart while shopping. I have recently bought a rotalator walker to be able to go to malls or outdoor events. That way I can sit when the pressure in my back is too much. Usually after about 50 ft,, the pain and pressure builds and I have to lean on something or sit. I had the shots in the spine 3 times and they only last about 2 to 3 weeks. Had a pain blocker with it but I could still feel the pressure but not the pain for those weeks.

[ZOO7]

Hi! Thanks for the post. I too am trying all things to help me. I’ve done yoga, therapy, dance. I have two school aged kiddos and a loving husband who keep me going. I will definitely hit you up on the offer to chat. I’m so glad I found this group.

[71265 in reply to ZOO7]

Awesome! Yes, My Youngest Grandson (4 Years Old) Keeps Me Going Too, I Bought A Bag Of Polished Beach Rocks From Lowe's And We Are Going To Glue Them Together To Build A Mini Pond, Bridge And Cave For Yard Fairies. We Blow Bubbles Alot.

[Jorja70]

I have 2 cats. I've always had animals and where I live at first didn't allow them but when they did I got the cats. But I don't get the joy with them I use to. My desire for going anywhere is dimmed tremendously. I only go out when I have to. My son tries to help by coming over or asking me to go there and we go out to eat and talk some but that's once or 2 a month. He called me the other day to tell me he got tickets to see a comedian in June but I looked him up and he's ok but not very funny to me. But there's not much that I think is funny lately. But to appease my son I will go. He does try but he hasn't found that magic cure.