I am sinking into a hole of depression. A pit where I feel alone. And dark. And everyone outside hates parts of me. And I want to hide. I don’t know how far down I may be going nor how long. I feel kind of used up I guess and very tired. But as I stretch before the sun comes up I am still grateful that I have people in my life I care so much about who care so much about me and I want to keep it that way ... I can’t bother them with this right now because it would make me feel worse to open up to those I’m closest with.
I can get through this falling into the mess I’m in and I’m using all of my tools created to make the trip easier. I feel unstable. But able. I also feel I will be stronger after I go into and come through and out of this. But it really helps me to write. This way it’s more real and now I’ll be a better person soon I believe.
I care about all of you here and send you positive vibes and appreciate anyone who reads wether you decide to reply or not, thank you to anyone who cares and you are always welcome to talk with me another time or pm me, or just be and take my well wishes I have for you. I wish everyone the best.
I am taking care of my mom today while my dad attends his brother’s funeral. I will do my best to see that she has a good day with me. I also have to clean some it’s messy in my home right now and simply make sure myself and my kids are okay you know just the norm bathing and eating and I know it may be so simple but I find everything in life right now a bit overwhelming with a bunch of concerns in the back of my mind and so I will try my best to stay in the present moment and go with the flow this day one moment at a time and try to make good memories ...good memories , yes... like getting a chance to read, watch birds or doing something fun with the kiddos or getting my mom’s eyes to change into smiling sparkles.
I meditated and talked long distance with a guy who is like a brother to me. We talked a lot about dreams, us both trying to interpret his his dream had so much detail it was so cool what he and his daughter came up with and when I added my insights he seemed pleased. I recalled dreams a lot last night. For the most part I went place to place meeting new people and trying to make the right choices. This morning i see it has taught me that I need to be more authentic and ditch some things that weigh on me. There’s always so something to learn in every situation if I look so I’ll be looking and trying to be as positive as possible. I believe I can feel grief, depression and anxiety and still grow in it all, spinning around and around teaching me lessons I need to know.
Life seems short to me right now as many say and we may get many chances or this may be the last time so let’s choose wisely I think we all can choose wisely if we believe in ourselves and no matter where your spirit has taken you, we do have this moment to do with it as we wish inside ourselves... maybe we are busy on the outside or even with the mind but still peaceful on the inside of the heart and that plus the creating good memories and being extra kind today is my intention. The sun just popped out. Good luck everyone.
Feel good movies 
Grieving 
cruel world maybe triggering.
Depressed
I no longer can take this
