Update

[DemureRose]

This have gotten worse. Much worse.

Yesterday, I messaged my guy friend asking if we were still having our weekly Friday hangout. He messaged back and basically said that we would no longer be able to hang out on Fridays because he is taking a job on that day and then added that he'll be working on a lot of projects for his classes, which insinuated to me that he is saying we won't be able to talk anymore.

So I kinda went off on him. Told him he was an a**hole and that the Fridays were his idea. That he should never have made me think he cared and thought of me as a close friend if he didn't intend on it lasting. With all that's been happening, with the slowly decreasing contact and such, I told him he should have enough respect for me to tell me straight up that he has lost interest and wants to break contact.

He opened that message and never responded.

So later on, after I had calmed down, I sent him another message. In this one I apologized for going off on him. I said that I was just really hurt and confused. That I was hurt because I felt like without Fridays, I would never talk to him and that felt awful. That I felt like he'd been sending me mixed messages on how much he cared about our friendship and me. I also ended that message basically saying that if he didn't respond to this one, that would be my answer on how important I was to him.

I sent that around midnight last night. He has not opened or responded yet.

I'm just so shocked and so confused. I mean we just hung out Friday and had a great time. We went to a lake and talked for like two hours. Nothing was off. We had really deep conversations, private conversations. We even took pictures and videos together. And we also talked on Saturday and Sunday. He wasn't as responsive as usual, but he still responded.

Now he is suddenly cutting me off? I mean what the heck?? Over a year of being friends and that's it? All that we've shared?

My friends and family tell me that I should 1. try and talk to him in person and 2. tell if how I have romantic feelings for him. I'm not sure about either one. I mean if he thinks we're salvageable, then I do want to talk to him in person. If our friendship is truly done, then why shouldn't I just drop in there that I like him more than a friend? Couldn't hurt lol.

Anyways, just wanted to give a little update.

[TrustYourSoul]

As painful as it can be, he doesn't sound interested anymore. Don't grovel. Don't beg. Don't contact him. Let him go. Save your pride and self-esteem.

[DemureRose in reply to TrustYourSoul]

I just don't understand how we can go from where we were on Friday to where we are now (Thursday). I don't want to grovel or beg. I just want an explanation.

[ElephantsHear in reply to DemureRose]

Hi Rose. I hope that you’re able to just let him and his reason go and be receptive to not knowing and then not caring why he’s too busy to hang out. When I was young I oftentimes wanted an answer knowing that whatever the answer was I wouldn’t like it. Does it matter his reasons? Maybe 2 weeks from now he’ll miss you, you’ll find a new friend or 2 days from now you’ll meet the man of your dreams. Hugs.

[TrustYourSoul]

If you will completely ignore him, you might or might not hear from him. Not everyone knows how to explain their actions or decisions, either verbally or in writing. For some, it's easier or more comfortable to "show" it, and they hope the other person "sees". Let him go. Stay Very busy, get out of the house and smile at others (they may need it), and respect yourself!

[Blueruth]

you have a right to ask but aside from being rude he has a right to not respond. Totally frustrating and hurtful way to treat people. I would definitely be upset too. I might even do the same thing. But it isn't going to make it better.I would give it some time and then ask for a meeting. Be prepared that he might say no. I realize that is very unsatisfactory. There is nothing to be learned and you might question every action. That is what it means to be vulnerable... reaching out to people not knowing what the outcome will be. Whatever he agrees to I would question any future relationship and move on.

[cctexan]

I got a different interpretation, and it is just an observation from my many years of fears of abandonment, clinging to things that shouldn’t have been etc. now in my late 50s, 1000 guys later and $120,000.00 in therapy, I can tell you the secret to happiness

Don’t let yours be ruled by someone else.

He was nice enough to tell you what was coming up. He could have ghosted you. Disappearing with no reason. That would drive you really down the twist right?

And if you are not on the same page emotionally, why waste time on a person who doesn’t see the fab in you

Also, I believe in learning from “what could I have done better?”

How would YOU responded to receiving an email like you sent him? ( believe me, I’ve sent many a crazy voicemail back in the day that I regretted)

And if I got a second one giving me an ultimatum, manipulations whatever if if you don’t answer I know you never cared type, I definitely would not have responded

Guys are different. They process feelings slower, but by no means do they not care. My husband has had to get me to understand that they need different things from us.

I’m happy with flowers, he wants me to say I’m proud of you.

What that means is I had to learn to listen to others ways instead of being my cute but psycho girlfriend ( I only tried to bump the boyfriend with the car for threatening to leave me!lol).

Besides, men are like buses, one every 20 minutes! 😱

[DemureRose in reply to cctexan]

I appreciate your perspective. I’m very regretful about the ultimatum part. I am okay with everything else but I know I messed up there. I’m very very regretful.

I suppose my next question for you would be what you think I should do? Leave it alone or come back in a few days with one final response?

[cctexan in reply to DemureRose]

I always wanted what my cousin called “ an exit interview “ to know what I did wrong, why why why

But honestly 1. Never hardly got it, 2. And what I did hear never made it easier

And I know it’s like a piece of popcorn stuck in your brain. Picking at it isn’t going to do you any good cus you won’t get answer you want from him

I’d try journaling, about a wish list for yourself ( how you want to be/ act/ or think in the future)

I used to make wishlists about my future man but it got shorter each time til it was

Male

Upright

Breathing

Thankfully my stupid decisions led me into bad situations of drugs and alcohol where I overdosed, and eventually my liver was shutting down. Only had week to get affair in order blah blah. I dragged my sorry sickly butt to a church after 25 years. And This God haters life changed

Basically, when I stopped trying to CONTROL the outcomes, the people, my past, etc and leave that to someone who has a better understanding of the job, it got easier

Find that serenity prayer us Drunks use. It works for many /all things. I even like my mama now

And I ended up married to a man who had no matches to my original wish list lol. He is male and breathing

But loves and cares for me just as I am. Teach me!

[Therapist104]

I'm sorry to say, but he probably doesn't want to be friends anymore. Just leave him alone, it could help you forget him. Message me if you need a should to cry on.

[Damian]

I'm sorry it went this way. I don't understand why you'd meet someone one day, have a good time, then cut off contact the following week. I thought perhaps he was feeling awkward, but now it seems he's taken it a bit too far for that.

You're thinking of trying to meet him and talk about your feelings. One way to see it is that you've got nothing to lose, but at the same time, the way he's behaved isn't very romantic! Isn't the idea that men are supposed to make you feel special? If you did get into a relationship, would he value you enough? You might go through a difficult time when you need his support, but find that he shuts you out, because he's only interested when you're happy and everything is easy.

All through this I've been wondering if you'll meet someone else, who does make you feel special. Your friend will then get jealous when it's too late. I'm sure this will happen if you give it time. Someone will ask you out, and they will do it in a straightforward way, that leaves you in no doubt about them finding you attractive.

[DemureRose in reply to Damian]

Well that’s just it. He didn’t start to really try at our friendship until he saw me going through a hard time. That seemed to spur him into action and make him realize he cared ab me.