How to talk to friends?

[EnergeticTortoise]

Recently I've had difficulty speaking to my friends. One stressful instance where I tried to explain then defend myself to a (now) former friend opened me up for rough verbal abuse from them. I was stuck with them, unable to just leave. I opened up to them.

Another instance, I had to filter my re-telling of the dramatic situation to the man I stay with, because he is friends with all of us. Every time I open up to him, he uses it as a way to criticize me. I opened up to him.

in another instance, I really needed someone to talk to, I have a long time close friend, and I told her the unfiltered truth. I felt better, understood, and I felt comfort in her. Then she started acting differently. I asked and she said what I had told her upset and angered her, not towards me. I explained that the situation was a result of my own choices. This didn't help. She left from our visit early, saying she had to go and get over her feelings. I felt terrible, unloading what I needed to say, put it on her. I never meant to hurt her. I opened up to her.

Another friend of the man I stay with, is his ex, and is constantly manipulative, whispers behind my back, criticizes me in front of him, which turns him against me. I opened up to her.

Seems like I cannot get any human relationship right, I can try to go back to counseling, although it hasn't helped, only time it worked was someone who was smart, and we got each other. So, it's worked once out of 50 times. I have a hard time being completely honest with a counselor.

How do I fix my human relationships?

[catsrock]

Ugh, I'm sorry. Relationships are really hard and I've had to cut some people out of my life because they were toxic and it was exhausting. I hope you find some peace soon.

[ArcobalenoChibi]

I’m by far no expert and I can only use my own experience and counseling experience. This seems like a really rough situation. Seems like there is a huge lack of boundaries with everyone. Everyone do struggle with boundaries. Everyone will struggle with maintaining their boundaries while simultaneously honoring others boundaries. Seems like, not speaking up when someone is in distress is not a good coping mechanism on their part of what you revealed bothered them. Manipulation and gossip is really low vibe too. In my personal life I had to deal with people who don’t respect my boundaries and don’t speak up if I happen to bother them. You can only change yourself but it doesn’t all rest on your shoulders. Know that the people around you are not good for your well-being for the most part. You may need to re-examine who you want to be around. Finding a good counselor is difficult especially one that understands you. If you need to confide in someone be sure that they are not part of the social circle that is causing you distress. An objective perspective may help. Be it a counselor or if you are spiritual and or religious finding a person who is without agenda and can listen objectively and empathically. Empathy and non judgment is essential for someone to heal. I fully support you. I hope this helps. Feel free to post on my messages if you’d like to talk. All I can do is listen and empathize.

Be sure to take care of you. You aren’t obligated to open up to everyone to be better understood. I know I fall into that. Make time with yourself. Journal of that helps. Post on here if this helps. This is your life and your life journey. Be selective of who you want in your life and who you don’t. You are important and your needs are important. Your voice is heard and your needs need to be met by yourself and if you ask someone to be a good human then they need to meet you where you are at. They may rise to the occasion to help you meet your needs. Some may not. It’s hard to accept but ultimately, you need to be tender hearted and compassionate with yourself. Please don’t take abuse. I know your situation is complicated since there is a boyfriend involved and a possible living situation. Just know that if there is too much chaos if possible remove yourself. Think carefully if you want to tolerate this for years to come. Much Love, Light and Compassion.

🩷

[EnergeticTortoise in reply to ArcobalenoChibi]

ArcobalenoChibi, Thank You

[Midori]

At a rough guess, I would say that none of these folk are real Friends; just aquaintances.

Please be careful who you open up to, it sounds as if you have a circle of gossips.

A true Friend would guard your secrets, as you would theirs,

be careful.

Cheers, Midori.

[ArcobalenoChibi]

You’re welcome. I hope this message has helped. I’m constantly practicing boundaries within myself and around me with the people I encounter. Just know that you are fully supported. ☺️