Losing my best friend

[FluidMind]

We have been growing apart. It all started when I opened up to her about my depression and anxiety and let her know that I was having daily suicidal thoughts. She only sent me a screenshot about the adverse effects of my latest prescribed medication, which is Adderall (a stimulant), for my ADHD. Her photo was joined with a 'you gotta be careful with the stuff you are taking'. I felt, to say the least, judged, misunderstood, gaslighted and for the first time, saw a lack of empathy coming from my best friend. I told her that I knew about the adverse effects and that these thoughts appeared previously since my teenage years. I felt like she just saw my mental health as drama and that I should get my sh*t together. Since then, we have barely talked. Our friendship is long distance so a week ago a I tried to schedule a zoom meeting with her to catch up, for which she responded she was not able to and I said okay. She has not reached out to me at all to even see how I am doing, and I have not reached out to her either. I always ask her how she is doing and lately the answers were 'busy, busy, busy'. No way to know the details or even connect. Her birthday was some weeks ago and my gift was delivered today. She might have not seen it yet, or she did and have decided to not contact me. We have not spoken in a week. It hurts, to feel like I am losing my best friend. I just never thought a person's well being could come across as a problem to someone else, especially when she said she cried so much when she heared about Cheslie Kryst's suicide (former Miss USA, R.I.P.). She was destroyed and wish she could have done something, somehow. Any thoughts? I don't like the guilty feeling she left me with. There is nothing to feel guilty about our mental health, especially when we keep up with our doctors' appointments and meds.

[Poodlefanforlife]

I’ve felt like this too. I opened up to my best friend about feelings of depression and I feel like she thinks I say it for attention. We don’t talk nearly as much as we used to and it makes me sad.You did the right thing by expressing your feelings here with supportive people going through similar scenarios.

I hope you’re able to do or find something soon to kick your feelings of depression without hurting yourself. I’m here to talk and listen. Feel free to private message me if you want to continue a regular convo.

I personally find it easier to open up to females in a similar age group.

[FluidMind in reply to Poodlefanforlife]

I am sorry you felt that way when opening up. Reading other people's experiences and realizing we are not alone, just makes a world of a difference. So thank you so much for sharing your story and allowing others to resonate with you! ☻

[Marysblue]

I've had difficulty with my relationships because I am so sensitive. I may read something negative into a comment when none intended. Or if I don't hear from someone, I immediately feel abandoned. At least I am aware of it now. But still get my feelings hurt a lot because most people are insensitive I have found. Theyre dealing with their own stuff.

[FluidMind in reply to Marysblue]

Wow I feel for you because I have caught myself in similar situations before. I have tried to chang myself on multiple occasions by trying to strengthen my logical thinking skills. My emotions almost always take the lead though 😅That might not be the best scenario, as well as being super logical all the time isn't either. For me, the real power lies in what you mentioned: self-awareness. Just by recognizing that part of ourselves, allow us to let go off negative thoughts and be more 'chill' about life. I also agree with you in that there can be many insensitive people out there. Those we recognize too and distant ourselves from them to protect our feelings. Thank you for sharing your story and allowing others to resonate with you! ☻

[Nanii]

Hmm your story brings different things to mind. I can relate to parts of it I guess. I haven't had a friend leaving for my depression, but I know more than enough people throhough my life for whom my head is too difficult, so I guess I keep a certain distance than anyway. I did have a best friend fading away in "being too busy". Although this person also didn't take my mental health seriously, so I guess it overlaps a bit. But you know, some people stay with you your whole life if you're lucky and some stay in phases. People change, grow, develop. Sometimes it doesn't fit so well anymore. People go, but people also come! It's hurtfull but I see it also like Priscella explained. Maybe hearing you about suicidal thoughts let it come to close for her? It's something else than a far away star and she doesn't know how to deal with it.

So of course it's good you try to keep her closer, but maybe also good to find someone who IS able to support you in who you are now. A bit like you're doing now I guess and keep continuing.

[FluidMind]

Priscella you hit the spot! It feels liberating to realize and accept that there can be a world of possibilities for which someone is not empathizing with us, at least not at the moment. I like how you point out that we should not feel inadequate for it. I am looking forward to develop that mindset you described of leaving the door open and giving people a chance to support me, whenever they feel able to do so. Our timelines of events can look pretty different and the peak moment of someone might be the deepest struggle of another person. It's okay to not share the same frequencies, all the time. Thanks for sharing your story and allowing others to resonate with you! ☻

[FluidMind]

Nanii I really liked the analogy you gave regarding our mental struggles being 'something else than a far away star' because I have also felt like that when friends tell me about some of their situations. Thank you for the advice of trying to find someone who IS able to support me, instead of pushing it upon my best friend. Empathy and comprehension are not to be asked for. It is what it is and we have no control in that aspect. I am so glad I found this platform because I read so many of you which easily resonate and decide to come closer instead of fading away. Thank you for your feedback! I acknowledge your perspective and will be applying your advice ☻

[DiamondNTheRough]

Hello. Came across this and I’m in a similar situation with a friend so I thought of 20 years. We’ve known each other for years. And then started a toxic drug filled romantic relationship that lasted almost 10 years. She was my first and only female relationship. I moved across country and 1 year later we broke up. We remained roommates for another 9 years until now. We never discussed the dissolve in the relationship. I thought we were friends. Best friends. I love her son as if he is my own. I love her pet. Over the last few years I noticed her distance in our friendship. About a month ago I called her out on some things and told her how I was feeling. Her reaction is that I’m jealous of her and her new friendships. Which maybe so but I’m a principle type person and I do not deal with fake easily. I felt like she was using me. I was good enough to watch her kid or pet but not good enough to go have a beer with. When we were hanging out she would post but never tag me. But was tagged and responded to other friends posts. Made me feel like crap. Like was she ashamed that we were friends? So I feel if you don’t like or respect my feelings why should you expect favors from me. There’s a plethora of situations now that I think about where she was taking advantage of me. Thing is I knew the whole time. But lived her unconditionally and didn’t care. I also tried discussing my anxiety and depression with her my best friend so I thought. I was left on read. No encouraging response. So now I’m stuck in my lease until July. My home is no longer a home. She has told her kid not to talk to me. I can not pet the dog. I feel uncomfortable going upstairs to use the kitchen I try when she is not home I work 3rd shift but her dog is caged up and whines when I go up. I feel guilty because I can’t take him out. So I asked her to put him in her room so that he would not see me and cry. She did for 2 days. Now he’s in the hallway where he can definitely see me coming. Hardest thing for me is she carries in without a care. Was she really ever my friend?