I'm a Mess. Meanwhile Drunk mom wanting to fly in space

[Against_the_current]

I was thinking about my issues that are already stressful and my mother started giving me a speech about some SSRI space pilots and how much she adores them. Even though she told me the story like 1478645 times. Even said "I love you Svetlana Savitskaya". She said she wanted to be a pilot and hates her job. I told her that her job is much better and helping people than randomly flying around. She said dad broke her Dreams. I told her idolising people who gave up their health for a sick society's ambitions is insane. I told her i know much more about history and the Cold War than her. And it's insane in 2022 with the global warming to be flying and wasting so much gases. But damn this woman is abominated by goddamn communism rule years before i was born. I understand history and society much better than her and damn 2020 showed us that even staying at home doing nothing is better than sacrificing yourself for a sick society to be idolized. Idolizing broken people in broken societies. She's so miserable, broken by the cold war, drinking, missing husband. I know it and don't tell it to me. And she won't go to therapy, rehab or anything. This is damn bulgaria. I am losing it.

It's damn 2022 we have other problems than what happened before 1989. Please mom, i have my own problems that i can't even think about without you being a wreck and talking about stuff that happened before i was born. I came to this world and it was there. Please, i have my own problems, dad and now you. I can't even get therapy. Untill i finish talking about the problems, the time has finished. And therapy here sucks because here we were taught to be a part of the mashine and drink it out. We're all heard of the east europe and the vodka. I wish i was never born. This world is a mess. I'm not made for east europe. I'm not made for this world. For the sake of - it happened so long ago, forget it. Why should i suffer because some dictatorship happened years before i was born. Why do i have to suffer because she hates her job and her husband left? I want to either die or get Clonasepam and start telling her "Oh no, the mongols invided us in the 5th century, oh no the huns in 14th century. I miss you Roman empire. Everything was so much better under emperor Constanin's rule. Omg, Justinian and Tervel are my idols for winning the siege of Constantinople in 717-718"

[Work_in_progress]

I understand.You are a worthwhile person.

You are important to you and the miserable people around you.

I had a father that was an alcoholic and it messed with my head, because he was also a very loving father, but angry loud drunk.

You have to find people that think positively, like you. Whether that is at school, work or in other social ways, because you need a support group that is not made up of people that are miserable, but have the same positive outlook in life that you do. They are out there, just talk to others and don’t be afraid to speak your mind.

You will not help anyone until you help YOU. You getting help is the best way to changing your situation.

Stop being angry by beginning to work on you.

Possibly find somewhere else to live, to remove yourself from your TOXIC parent. Possibly a healthy minded relative or best friend with better parents would take you in.

Best wishes and many prayers for you.

[Against_the_current in reply to Work_in_progress]

Now everyone is telling me i'm too much, it's my fault and i'm a burden

[Work_in_progress in reply to Against_the_current]

Who is everyone?What do they mean by “to much”?

Why do they think it’s your fault and you are a burden?

That all sounds like a bunch of shaming and blame being tossed about.

You worthy of far better things then the garbage they are throwing at you.

They sound desperate.

[lovemydoggy]

So sorry you have to deal with this. You're mother definitely needs therapy, not vodka, but there isn't much you can do to help her. Is therapy available at all in Bulgaria? It would be nice if you could get therapy. I'm guessing if it is it isn't easy to come by. I'm glad you're sharing here. 🙂

[Against_the_current in reply to lovemydoggy]

She doesn't want to go to therapy

[lovemydoggy in reply to Against_the_current]

Can you go to therapy to help you cope?

[Against_the_current in reply to lovemydoggy]

I'm going to therapy and still nothing

[Against_the_current]

Thanks