Suffocating

My relationships have all ended because of my anxiety and lack of self-esteem. I lost the best girl i've ever had the pleasure of dating and now I am completely alone in my head because she was what kept me grounded. I pushed her away because I just ended up not showing her the love that I knew I had and by saying dumb stuff like "why are we even doing this, you'll leave me at the end of school". I would then dive deeper into the subject while one half of my brain was screaming to stop. Now I am broken and I do have people who care and have been helping me through this but it's not helping. For the last 5+ weeks it feels like I'm walking underwater every single day. My chest is tight, I'm sad nearly every second of the day, my school work is suffering, and worst of all I have been losing how to communicate with people because my anxiety about it is consuming me. I have hope that one day we may get back together because she still communicates in a caring manner to me, but it hurts to see her name pop up on my phone. I really need help getting out of this hole and I'm trying to through therapy and medication, but I have not gotten much better. I want her back more than anything and I know I need to get better to do so, but it's hard when if she were to allow me one week to show her how much I care everything would change, but she keeps saying not right now. Even during the relationship I tried to get help for my anxiety and depression, but did not follow through with the therapy. Please help.

[AntiSocialSocialClub]

Does she know you struggle with these things? Take small steps at a time. One therapy appointment. One commitment each day to help you get better. Slowly these will add up and you will see the light. Stay strong.

[Hidden in reply to AntiSocialSocialClub]

I'm pretty sure and she knows I'm getting help. I am just wasting away my senior year right now because I can't grasp that shes gone. I have hope because she messages me and sends me stuff but still im not sure. I just want to know if you think she may come back some time? She is the best thing I will have in my life and she just doesn't understand relationships have problems and can come back even stronger from troubles.

[AntiSocialSocialClub in reply to Hidden]

I can’t guarantee she will. But if she sees you are trying to change then there is a good chance. If she still messages you that’s a good sign. All you can do is be honest and true and the ball is in her court.

[Agora1]

Wholefoods, I know you are hurting right now both physically and emotionally.

It does sound like this girl cares for you and you care for her. But right now, it's

all about how much you care about yourself. You need some "me time" in working

on your issues with anxiety/depression. Being in a relationship at the same time

is conflicting. Get the help you need to become a better version of you and that

includes talk therapy. They say that "action speaks louder than words" and that's

what you need right now. Show her, show yourself that you can and will overcome

these emotional issues. Your relationship will be stronger for that. But it must start

with you first. I wish you well my friend. I do think you may have a good chance in

getting her back. We are here to support you through each step you take forward xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

The most difficult part about showing her is that whenever I receive a text from her or see her in person (because we have a lot of mutual friends down here) I nearly cannot handle it. One time before we got back down to school, I had to have my father come over to my house to help me when I opened the text. It has gotten better on that front but I just do not know how to show her in person yet since she has not gone for any of my attempts to ask her to get food and such (which I have not done excessively). Do I just wait for more time to pass? I know I need to work on myself and build myself up, but it is crippling to think about how good we could be together now. The past 5+ weeks apart has caused me to reflect more than I have in my entire life and I wish she could see that. I did push her away very far due to my own internal issues and it has broken me to pieces thinking about her and how happy we could be.

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Wholefoods, you can't be "good together now" until you have worked on yourself. Your issues got in the way the first time, don't allow them to do that again because

you can't wait. 5plus weeks apart has not been enough time to pull yourself together.

When your internal issues are repaired, then it will be time to reach out to her once

more. If it is meant to be, she will be waiting for you with open arms. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. I’m currently having a panic attack again because I saw her walking home from class with another guy (which I found out is just a friend from class) while I was walking to therapy. I know it’s dramatic but I just don’t know how to cope. She kinda looked toward me and didn’t say anything and that guy she was walking with made me just think in my head wow I’m a gross piece of shit because he was just tall and stuff. I talked to my therapist about all of this and he just sees that I’ve been getting worse and is suggesting outpatient programs and such because I need more help. Do you have any opinions on coping seeing her and such?

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I can understand the pain you felt at that time.

When you see her, and you will, it's going to hurt, however you might want to try

taking some deep slow breaths, exhaling slowly. It won't take away the hurt you feel in your heart but it will lower the physical anxiety symptoms from getting out of control. What do you think about going to an outpatient program? It will teach you

more coping skills but I'm afraid only time will heal how much pain you feel when seeing her. I'm so glad you have a therapist. And I'm glad that you joined this site.

We have many who are your age and going through the same heartbreak. Talking

with others your age may give you a different prospective in that everyone somehow goes through this and gets through this in life. We're here for you xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you very very much. I just see that it’s all rooted in my own anxiety and insecurities and am praying to god for another chance once I get better. I’ve battled these demons through my life but am now just taking the steps to combat them because I want her back and to be the best person I can be throughout my life. I want to be healthy and I hate ruining relationships because of what’s inside of me. Thank you so much for the support it means the world to me.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

You sound like such a smart person. You’re definitely insightful. This will come in handy. Once you get her back I think you should make a jar like my ‘swear jar’ my kids made for me. Every time I said a bad word it cost me. Every time you say those negative sentences it’s going to cost you. You get better by seeing it empty and your cash in your pocket. She can help you. It’s not an overnight thing. You’ve created pathways in your brain that are negative. We have to turn them around. As soon as those phrases come out of your mouth fix them immediately. You can do this.

Your brain controls the way you talk which controls your actions which brings the type of people that match your speech. So, you haven’t always talked that way.

Go get her back. Ask her to help.

Doaty💛

[mommabear0206]

It is so much easier said than done, but you have to be able to be comfortable and confident in yourself before you can be the best you can be for someone else. She sounds like she does care for you, and you for her. Keep those feelings in mind and continue to try to get the help and work through all of those anxiety issues. It is hard, some days harder than others. But it sounds like you are willing to do the right things to get yourself healthy and happy to be able to get her back into your life to just make that happiness that much bigger and better. I am new here but the amount of support that is here seems absolutely amazing! Keep your head up and just keep moving forward one step at a time!! I'll be rooting for ya

[catch_the_music]

Sounds like you hit a rough patch in your dating life. I remember going through that when I was in school. Breakups make for some awkward and anxious situations. Old girlfriends can be tough to get out of our minds.

The thing that helped me after a breakup was to refocus my thoughts. I had to realize that I was a good person and that I would find another girlfriend who would care for me. I also found some new groups that could help me discover a better life. I joined a singles ministry at my local church. It was good to hang out with friendly people that could really teach me about life. We had great talks about life, God's love, how relationships work, etc. There is also a website that is good for singles called boundless.org. Good advice on a variety of topics.

Good luck my friend! Prayers that things will turn positive very soon!

[Hidden in reply to catch_the_music]

Thank you very much. This breakup has been tough because all of my past relationships have been evil. She was the light. I just want to be back with her because she was the one who grounded me. I know I have to get better before but she was the only thing that kept me sane. She was a god damn beacon of hope. I know I need to embark on a better self image and life but she’s the catalyst. I need to make the catalyst me but I just need to make sure she sees how much better I’ve gotten