Hi,
When I wake up, lots (most?) of the time lately, I just want to stay in bed. I remember clearly a week ago or so telling someone here that they should not be hard on themselves if they can't get up. And I believe that. But today, I did not want to get up, and did not until 5:00 PM and tadah! I am guilt ridden for having given in to avoidance. I figure self-compassion is something we have to repeat to oneself over and over. Just needed to vent, thanks.
Hope you are having a nice week-end 
Yes, I'm the queen of procrastination and avoidance. I am an expert in time-wasting, lol, just to avoid things, I even do stupid things that are pointless and that I'm not even enjoying just to avoid thinking about what I'm trying to avoid. Unfortunately, no one needs my expertise😅
Hi Eklektik!
I definitely resonate with what you’re saying. There’s such a strong loss of motivation and maybe “zest for life” that makes getting out of bed horrible. It’s frustrating!!!
For me, there’s this deep fear that if I give myself compassion, if I give myself leniency, if I say it’s okay... then, I will continue to disappoint myself. I will continue to be a waste of space.
I agree that avoidance isn’t the best coping mechanism! We delay the inevitable. Sometimes a little not now means a lot later :/
I have to be honest, I have been having this problem too. But, I have had places I had to be everyday that makes me get out. It’s been small disappointments. So, I’m not speaking out of the exact same place.
I agree with you about self-compassion! I have to think of it like this:
1. Give grace to yourself for what’s already happened
2. Understand why. Like, physically, what’s causing or making it harder?
3. Find small ways to make it slightly easier and that slight difference is A LOT. What could help you want to get out of bed?
You’ve got a lot going on. You’re going to have “bad days” but that doesn’t mean you’re bad. It’s like rethinking to see your effort against depression or whatever as a valiant effort. “I got out of bed at 5:00pm and for a normal, healthier time of my life that is pathetic. But, for me, for now, that was progress. That was me fighting.”
I don’t know. If that feels too much like lying, then maybe that won’t feel as effective for you. Although, I think it’s true that shame beats us while we’re down.
For me, it helps if I go to bed earlier, if I don’t eat late, if I leave the curtains open/use a light alarm, if I have somewhere I have to go, if I plan out my outfit or my breakfast, if I don’t assign a task I’m avoiding at the beginning of the day, AND if I remember to take my meds on time instead of late.
It’s a combination of mental and physical preparation that has been effective?
I say all of that, and I still choose to lay in bed longer. I have noticed some things that help some days and then, in difficult seasons, there’s more being late or not going to things.
Anyways!!! It is the most difficult thing to have wanted to want to get out of bed, finally achieve it, and realize your whole day is gone. To start your short belated day with regret and disdain for yourself.
Recently, I avoided calling someone back. I gave myself permission to not face that battle because I have phone anxiety. I have mixed feelings because it’s again that unmet expectation: I should have answered the phone or called back immediately after the voicemail. I should not have a problem getting out of bed because it’s the most basic thing.
It’s okay spending the rest of my life learning to be kind to myself.
Hope you’re having a good weekend too!
Hello, PastelPink20 ! Thanks for sharing so much. Lots, if not all what you say just feels so familiar. Fighting avoidance and failing feel miserable on so many counts. Today, I got up at noon, after avoiding for two hours. It is better than yesterday. Still fighting guilt because of the avoidance. And then telling myself that the best thing to do is to accept the feeling of guilt instead of fighting it. It feels like layers of fight and guilt. I think I'll go meditate and read on the therapeutic value of self compassion, I have seen that somewhere. Thanks again and wishing you well
Hi Eklectik,
Please, don't make a habit of laying in bed just because you can, It won't make you feel any better.
You need the Vitamin D that your body makes from sunlight to keep your bones strong, Also staying in bed will weaken your muscles and without you loading them by movement, your bones will lose their density and break more easily.
Eventually, you will become unable to leave your bed.
Cheers, Midori (retired nurse).
Hi Midori , you are absolutely right, it does not make me feel any better and it is definitely bad for my health. Lately, a trick that has worked wonders was "Get up for 10 minutes, and if it is still really bad, you can go back to bed". I'd say, 90% of the time I do this, I do not go back to bed. Working with ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy), I've made some progress being able to do things despite anxiety/depressive symptoms (getting up, a few hours of work, do the dishes, cook a bit, dance or take a walk). I think I am especially disappointed with myself because I have made progress against avoidance that way... and now fall off the wagon, so to speak. For this, I have to be accepting that recovery is not a straight line, be forgiving towards myself, but it is hard. Thank you very much for reminding me the physical impact of this and for your kind support. Hope you are well!
Indeed, do not judge yourself for a slip. I think that means the new behavior is starting to feel more normal, so we’re not quite as vigilant, and down we go. The important phrase is “starting to feel more normal.” We all learned physical skills this way. “Get back on.” I have to remind myself that mental skills work much the same.
feeling guilty
Why do I feel guilty? 
I feel guilty 
Tired of Anxiety and feeling Guilty.. 
Is it normal to feel guilty?
