Anxiety and Panic

[mom483]

I have been prescribed Klonopin for mu anxiety. I was on Librium (chlordiazepoxide) but they have stopped making it. I was on it for years because nothing else seemed to work for me. But i noticed the past week that every time I took it, after @ 4 hours, my anxiety came back with a vengeance. I have been supplementing with CBD oil and it really helps shut off the noise in my head. I took 2 librium throughout the day yesterday and I was a bitch. Just nasty and hated EVERYTHING.

Today it was the same, so I took the Klonopin hoping ti would alleviate the anxiety. I was in full panic mode at this point but I knew if I could hold out just 1 hour, things would be better.

It wasn't.

My blood felt like it was rushing at 1,000 mph. I couldn't get a deep breath. And the noise continued in my head - only this time it felt like the roar of a freight train! My daughter called and I couldn't wait to get off the phone with her before I said something that I didn't mean. I couldn't' think straight, I couldn't focus. Even writing this is nearly impossible. Then there is this tingling sensation that rolls up from my neck to the top of my head. I want to scream but at the same time I want to curl up in a ball, and hide. Everything feels unreal. Like I have to struggle to find the right letters on the keyboard. My body aches. Everything hurts.

My kittens get the worst of it. I just scream at them to leave me alone. Of course they don't understand. But I can't stand to hear them meow.

The ironic thing is: I went to Dallas to visit my daughter for 10 days. I used the Klonopin the entire time and this never happened. The worse part was we went to dinner at a restaurant for Thanksgiving. We made reservations 6 week in advance and while we got bread and salad, we were never served our main course. I was so humiliated. There we were sitting in the middle of the restaurant and no one brought us our food. I feel it was because of me. I didn't belong there and they knew it. I'm not rich, I can't afford to walk in the place. I felt like people were staring and just knew I wasn't one o f them.

I just keep thinking this was my "normal" for years while I took Librium. I was thrilled that it at least got rid of the anxiety temporarily. I never realized how bad the side effects were.

My son is coming over on Christmas eve and honestly, I don't want him to. He sent me a picture of all the gifts his g/f got because she has cancer. This bitch has my son taking care of her, her ex gets the kids 3 1/2 days a week. She has money coming in from her job. Her family ha been helping with the cooking and cleaning. She doesn't have to do anything . People even came over to her house to decorate and put up the tree.

For years I struggled to raise my kids. I couldn't afford to do much of anything except put food on the table and keep a roof over their heads. There were times I couldn't even do that. No one helped. They just criticized. It was always my fault. If I had been a better wife, my husband wouldn't have been a crackhead. If I had been a better mother I could do more for my kids. IF I had been a better daughter, sister, friend....I searched high and low for organizations, and even churches that would help. But no, I wan't deserving enough.

I even tried dating recently. I met a guy and we went to lunch. He would call or text everyday. We would chat, I wasn't needy or clingy, I didn't monopolize the conversations - nothing like that. Two weeks later, he sent me a text that he was going to find someone new.

I can't get what i need to get by but people still hate me. and

I don't know why. I don't understand why such horrible people get everything handed to them and I am supposed to be happy with whatever crumbs are left over.

I know it's the holidays and I know there is a full moon, but this has been going on all my life. Everyone used to tell me one day things would be different. I'm still waiting. I'm 54 years old - when will that day come?

[Agora1]

mom483 I am not a doctor but I can tell you that mixing drugs can bringabout what you were feeling having Klonopon and Librium in your system.

Agitation is just one of the symptoms of this mix.

Please stay safe and check with your doctor regarding what meds you need

to take in order to get longer relief. I care xx

[mom483 in reply to Agora1]

I should have clarified. I did not take them together. I waited until the next day to take the klonopin. Thank you for your help.

[Agora1 in reply to mom483]

I understand dear... xx

[b1b1b1]

I am sorry that you are jealous of a person who has cancer. If you also tried to help her it might make you feel better.

[mom483 in reply to b1b1b1]

I am by no means jealous of her. I am angry that she plays the victim and everyone caters to her. Yes, she has cancer and that is terrible. But it is NOT fatal.

Before she even started chemo, she saved her head, as if it were some sort of initiation into a private club. She started a gofundme, even though she has health insurance and a good residual income. She refuses to do anything for herself - and this stated years ago. She is a master manipulator, narcissist and emotional abuser.

When covid hit, she refused to let my son come to see me, because she was afraid he would infect everyone at their house with covid. They ended up getting it from her family. Now, her son has covid again, and he got it from her family. I have never had covid.

My son was planning on leaving her, but then she was diagnosed. He refuses to leave until she is well. She lied straight to my face and said she would never take a thing from him. He has been supporting her and her children even though she has a good income and and ex who helps support the kids. But my son can't give her enough- according to her. She has alienated him from his friends and family and a whole host of other things. So no, I have no compassion for this bitch and it infuriates me when people do.