Could've, Should've, Would've...

[secrets22]

Today I spent 3 hours at Memorial Woodlands alone & experienced anquish,tears,thoughts,hopelessness,regrets,emotional pain,and many, could've,should've,would haves.How i drove there and back i really dont know,for the grief i feel today is far worse than it was almost 2 years ago,and because i am always jokey and very good at hiding my feelings some people think 'he's over it',but if you have had a partner such as i did,it is never easy or over it,a man who absolutely adored the ground i walked on,with deep thoughts you might understand where i'm at,,and i was'nt always appreciative of how much he cared.and that is my biggest regret.

We are but human,with human frailties.

I never had lived with anyone before,and the void it has left can never be repaired,and so i cry alone,and pretend i am ok,but i will never be the person i once was,but i will learn to manage it,just as David would want me to.

This beautiful house is no longer a home i adore,for now it is just bricks and mortar,and for me the heart has been ripped out of it.

Who knows what the future holds,but i know that whatever it is David will be by my side willing me on.

Loss has many facets,like the surface of a cut gem.

[Dolphin14]

I'm so sorry for your loss of David. Grieving and starting over is so hard. It takes time and the emotions are all over the place. The world goes on for others as we continue to grieve. Some just don't know the depth of the pain.

I'm glad you got out on your own to release the emotions.

Are you in any therapy or grief support? It may help with all these " hind sight " things you are thinking.

There is a bereavement group here. Have you joined?

🐬

[Arymretep]

My thoughts are with you, it’s so hard when you have experienced real love, but as you say David would want you to carry on living in his name, he will always be in your ❤️

The journey of life takes us through many times of happiness and sadness,

We remember the happy times as the most loved and enriching experiences of all,

Although the sad times do not outwardly appear to benefit us,

They are, in reality, what builds strength and character in all of us.

Scott Palmer

[Shnookie]

My condolences on the loss of David. It can take time to grieve for someone who was the emotional center of our lives. My mom died from stage 4 Pancreatic cancer in January 2016. She was my best friend and we lived together. I was her sole caregiver. Fortunately, she gave me her blessing a lovely gesture to go on with my life. I went to a Cancer Support bereavement group and found it to be therapeutic. Have U gone to a bereavement group to deal with your feelings of loss. It might be helpful to

I’m here 4 U.

Hugs, Shnookie

[Hidden]

Grief always feels worse just because of the fact its Christmas and that brings back what you have sadly lost out on when David died and when Eddie the dog died I bet that had felt like another smack in the face!

Thing is you must have really really wanted to have gone to the memorial woodlands to grieve for David and what you sadly lost out on and also for Eddie the dog as if you really really want to do something then you will shift heaven and earth to make it happen!

We are fine here and have had a great walk to Roath park after I picked up a prescription in the chemist so that's over and done with for now.

Yesterday I had my covid booster jab at the vaccine centre down in Splott at 4.20pm and on the whole I am fine in myself and just have a sore arm and earlier on a headache which has gone away now after being in the fresh air.

[b1b1b1]

yes, I understand.

[fauxartist]

Unresolved grief does haunt us, and sometimes we are not sure how to process it because change is sometimes a fear of loss. Even if the loss could actually move us forward from where we are stuck, it becomes our comfort zone. We also sometimes stay stuck in a fantasy of those few good moments of a past relationship, and that becomes the keystone for our staying stuck. We don't want to let go of the hope that we could ...maybe... get that back. But that's when reality kicks in... where is that other person now... and why do they deserve our complete devotion... what was the reality of the end of the relationship. That person may have long ago moved on, even before the relationship was officially ended.

Sometimes looking at the open door in front of us means accepting the closed door behind us, staying in limbo is not living... and yeah... the unknown is scary sometimes, but what if it eventually allows you to heal and therefore you also move forward. Life is messy, especially when we only attract people into our lives who may be as healthy or unhealthy as we are at that time in our lives. Allowing ourselves to get better allows us to also have healthier relationships down the road...that road is time, healing, and acceptance.

[Roxylox]

You write so beautifully. I love the wayyou describe loss.

I am blessed with a caring husband myself who does so much for me and cares so mucb, yet I am often needlessly snappy to him, often regetful after.

Then I do it again, as you say, that's human nature. You will manage asyou say, you are a strong person l think

[Oshgosh]

You never get over bereavement, you just get through it ,’