Today it hit me. Literally like a ton of bricks.
I've had anxiety and panic attacks for over a year, but really no depression I wouldnt think. Well today it started off with my hiatal hernia bothering me, first thing in the morning. I had ate bad food the day before and it messed me up. Along with being on my period which always escalates everything (sorry tmi)
But I just started crying.. and crying.. I seriously didn't want to be here anymore. I have never ever ever thought about ending my life... but this morning I just kept thinking my family would be better off without me.
Man did that scare the crap out of me... I was like what in the heck are you thinking?! Why are you thinking like This? All I know is that is not like me AT ALL. I thought right then I need help... with everything... anxiety... life.... everything.
I went to my husband and literally held nothing back. I told him how I couldn't take feel g like this anymore and all the bad thoughts.
He said, you've got to accept that you need medication to get through this, you are getting worse.
He's right, I do. I'e been to the doctor so much and they all try to help me and they always prescribe me something to try to help me but I never listen. I need to get better.
I messaged my doctor and told her I want to try Celexa again. Well really I want to try celexa... bc I really never tried it long enough. I'm gonna just take it and not think about it. I have to. I' getting worse and I know it.. My kids need me, my husband needs me and I need me to get better and to heal.
Here we go