Misunderstood

[xjeh2830x]

I want a change. Sometimes I wish I could run away and change my whole identity. I don't want to have this life anymore. I'm insecure , lonely, hated, and misunderstood in every aspect. Why do I always give my all to people and never receive it back? Why do people treat me so poorly? Why do I keep getting hurt? Aren't you suppose to feel the most love from your family? Why is it that I find myself wanting nothing to do with my family? So many questions with no answers. I find myself waking up every morning and dreading that I have to go through the same routine everyday. I just want to be happy, I want to be loved. I want to know how life would be like without depression. Sadly, that doesn't seem like an option I have. Life sucks ugh.

[Manestreet]

And as hard as it gets theres always and there will always be better that can be found and if u wanna change your identity do it im with you is time we live our lives for us and be genuinely happy and enjoy the little things that have no meaning due to our situations but no more scooby do this crap lets take control of our happiness lets be who we want to be and if we gotta run away then so be it your happiness matters more than what people full of hate say u got this stay strong

[xjeh2830x in reply to Manestreet]

This is so sweet, thank you <3333

[Midori]

Hi There,

Unfortunately, you can change your name but not your basic personality. I know people who have changed their names and invented a new personality, and they are not any happier. They seem to take their unhappiness with them.

Tell us more of why you are feeling as you do.

Why do you feel your family treats you badly?

Why do you not have a good relationship with friends?

Do you see a Therapist or other medical personnel?

It might appear we are being nosy, but to help we need more information than you have given us.

Cheers, Midori

[xjeh2830x in reply to Midori]

Hey Midori,

I get what you're saying. It is not my personality that is the problem. I want to change my identity so I can get rid of the toxic people in my life for good, the people who treat me so poorly on a daily basis. I feel as though my family is known for having super high expectations, and I am a human who makes many mistakes so I am bound to disappoint them. I just want to surround myself around people that think the real ME is enough. Not the fake version I am practically forced to be. I have tried to open up to my family numerous times about my depression but no one seems to take me seriously. My friend situation is complicated as well. The people who I have considered my friends have only hurt me. I find myself giving my all and never receiving the same back. I did start seeing a therapist a few months ago but she turned out to be no help. Every time I told her my situation and what was going on she would say "yeah sounds tough." So since then I have quit on the therapy situation.

[Midori in reply to xjeh2830x]

I see; Yes, a move to another state and change of identity might well help.

[Manestreet in reply to xjeh2830x]

I feel you beeing the real version of you is so hard and specially when u are surrounded by people that live a fake life themselves and they call it mature so listen i heard italy is great is a new beginning where u get to choose who is your friend and whos not moving is one of the best things for someone like u so u can finally enjoy life to genuinely enjoy the company of other and thats amazing so heck do it i support

[The_Color_Blue]

Your problem sounds complicated and I appreciate the pain and stress in your words. However, it doesn't like changing your identity is the solution. Depending on your proximity to (and level of enmeshment with) your family, there may be benefit in moving farther away. Regardless of where you are, however, you're still going to be the one who enforces the boundary of no contact. Why not begin now? What is it now that keeps you interacting with them? Certainly moving out of a shared house (even if you remain in the same city) and informing them that you do not wish to have any kind of further communication or relationship would be a step before getting an entirely different identity.

Secondly, your language indicates that you give to your friends without feeling as though you receive reciprocal care. How is a new identity going to help you prevent that from happening again?

Can you see the pattern? You haven't set boundaries that tell people the type of treatment you will and will not tolerate. You haven't done with this your family or your friends. From the sound of it, you're left feeling insecure, lacking in self confidence, and suffering bouts of depression and anxiety. The issue, I suspect, is that you have allowed yourself to be treated in this way.

Have you had the difficult boundary-setting talks with people (family and friends)? Have you said things like, "when you say x, I feel disrespected. I do not wish to speak with you about subject ABC. If you cannot accept that, then I won't be coming over for Sunday dinners..."...? Have you said, "It's important to me that our friendship is reciprocal, but lately I feel as though my needs haven't been met. I make a sincere effort to listen and provide you with support, but when I try to speak to you about important things in my life, I often feel unheard and dismissed..." ....? If you haven't had these talks, then what are you doing to ensure people treat you with the compassion, kindness and respect you deserve?

It is true that there can be value in creating a new identity; particularly if there are stalking behaviors, fear for your physical safety, or persistent and unrelenting abuse. In the absence of those things, sometimes distance can do wonders. Putting distance between you and your family members may allow you the mental break you need to seriously think about how you want those relationships to look moving forward. However, the issues that you're experiencing - the pain that comes from poor treatment - that's something you have control over and they will recur until you make changes within yourself - like deciding to value yourself; deciding that making mistakes doesn't decrease your worth, strength, or contribution; deciding that other people's opinions of you, your choices, successes and/or failures don't matter. Once you make decisions on what you will and won't tolerate from people, set your boundaries accordingly. You will find that the people who stick around, the people who listen to you and respect your boundaries, those are going to be profoundly fulfilling relationships in which you feel valued, respected, loved, and cared for. The people who cannot handle those boundaries are those who would walk away because they don't want to treat you with that respect ... and none of us need those people.

You're worth more than what you're allowing. You don't deserve to be treated with dismissal, constant criticism, and disrespect - but you have to be the one who mandates better treatment. You have to be the one to demand respect and walk away when people in your life become toxic to your growth.

[Manestreet]

Theres always a new start out just hold on to the hope cuz its gonna come and when it comes nobody can take it from you u get to be free be yourself without having to please no body and i feel you most of my life i used to just please people just to hear the words u are good enough and with the wrong people around u will never get it but just know u are enough and so is everyone we just need the right people people that help us go foward not backwards and its hard but not impossible so stand still cuz great amazing things are coming your way my way and everyone on this page. Dont lose the hope for a better life cuz its still there waiting for you and it will always be there for as long as you ate on this earth because as long as u alive there is hope never forget that people there is hope and life out so lets go find it!