Introduction

[pampam3]

Hi. I'm new to the site. I've suffered with depression for several years. It seems like every bout is deeper and longer than the one before. Many of my symptoms have been here from the beginning, but many things are changing now. I need help. I've been on medications. I'm currently on 2 medications which seemed to help some at first, but not so much anymore! I don't understand my depression. I don't understand feeling like I do. I feel like I'm different from everyone everywhere. I want help, but it seems so hard to find. When I do find something that I think might help, I can't make myself go there. I want help, but it seems to hard to work toward. I don't like to wake up and some days it's impossible to get up. I don't want to be around people. I don't like myself at all and don't like most other people very much. I feel guilty about not wanting to be with family and friends then I feel lonely because family and friends probably don't want to be around me....why would they? I'm depressing!!!! Anyway, I thought maybe an online site might help since it doesn't require getting up, getting ready and going some place and I'm not sure what the other reasons are...I just need help....from wherever I can get it. Thanks for reading. I'm so alone...….

[magnoliaLA]

You are not alone. Isolation is a symptom of depression, one that I often submit to myself. I could see us sitting on the couch, analyzing the world and our own thoughts silently in our heads. Alone together. Know that there are so many people who as well isolate themselves feeling they alone are the divergent, the weirdo, the only one who has thoughts that scare them. I am one of them. Do not feel alone. The intensity of life you feel, the depth of sorrow, the questions you’re too afraid to ask, the things you are too afraid to say.... this burden you feel, gives you an insight into the human condition that can only be felt by the select few. You are not alone. We Are Here Too.

[Hidden in reply to magnoliaLA]

Outstanding reply...I love it ❤️

[magnoliaLA in reply to Hidden]

You just warmed my soul ☺️

[Sillysausage234 in reply to magnoliaLA]

Mine too x

[pampam3 in reply to magnoliaLA]

Thank you so much for your response. I can't find the words I want to say, so please accept "Thank You" for now. It means more than you know.

[Hidden]

Hello and Welcome pampam3!

I absolutely understand your feelings of depression and effects of isolation. My depressive episodes seem to be happening with greater frequency. When I first begin to isolate, I need to nip it in the bud to give myself a fighting chance to avert an episode. Isolating, for me, always ends up bad. You’re not alone! I would go see my doctor. Maybe it would help to begin taking some different meds. I have to make myself do the things I don’t want to do to get through the episode, change my thinking from negative to as positive as I can, seek treatment, and work on loving myself. There are so many of us who suffer from the same symptoms and even describe the symptoms in the same way! Visit this forum for people who understand. Great support and good advice here! Wishing you the best!

[Bug13]

DONT FEEL ALONE

Hi PamPam, I am pretty new to this site. I haven't posted a lot but just reading what others are writing has helped me incredibly. I don't want anyone to be in pain or suffer like I do and I hurt when people around me hurt so reading some of the posts breaks my heart. But, I realized for the first time in a very long time, I am not crazy, I am not wierd, I am not a burden, and I don't have to hide. The people on this site care about each other even though they have never physically met.

December 2017, I hit a low and wanted to commit suicide. I couldn't function, I wasn't working, I felt so very alone. My husband called my sister to ask for help and my brother in law told my husband to just let me die if that was really what I wanted, he said I just wanted attention and I had always been "troubled".

(I went into the hospital for treatment and medication change)

I am still very hurt by his comment and it has caused me to retreat from my family. I figure if he thinks that way, maybe everyone else does too.

So, embrace this site. Ask questions, reach out for help and read other peoples comments. 9 out of 10 will somehow fit into your life. Welcome PamPam

[Hidden in reply to Bug13]

Hi Bug13!

I’m so glad you’re here! You have just given PamPam some good advice! I’m excited to know that you’re finding acceptance, support, and caring attitudes here. That’s a big deal!! I believe your brother-in-law lacks some serious empathy for his fellow man. As discouraging as that knowledge is, I doubt that the rest of your family feels the same way. I would give them a chance and not just write them off by way of association. Has your sister contacted you after he chose to speak for her? I’m so glad that you realize that you’re not crazy, weird or a burden. Hold your head high Bug13!! You’re amazing...

[Bug13 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Grat1st. I am just so torn with the whole family thing,, I don't want to care,My sissy is 2 years older, married to a controlling man.. I just spent the afternoon playing with my sister's grandchild and helping her with my parents,,all was well, but we choose not to speak of these things.

We tend to keep things seperate.

I wanted to cry, I wanted to prove I was ok, I wanted to seem normal.

No talk, no touch, no eye contact.. then you won't get bitten.

[Hidden in reply to Bug13]

Keep working on it and it will come to you...thinking of you!

[gjetson33]

You are not alone! I too have struggled with depression. The ebb and flow of depression is tiring so I understand completely. I want to encourage you to keep on trying. It can get easier. You can do it!