I don't know why, but since I was about 13 (I'm 23 now) I started not to like my name. It's gotten to the point that when people say it, I physically cringe a little. It's a nice name, with a cute story about why my parents picked it, but I just can't make myself like it. When I had to put my name down for an email account or a gaming account, I wouldn't use my real name, I'd use one I came up with. I love it so much.
The problem isn't my name, it's my family. If I tell them I want to change it, I just know they will either be like "no that's not happening" or they'll make a big fuss about it like "you hate the name WE gave you?? Don't change it, WE like the name you have now"
I'm not sure I can deal with the stress and arguments it'll cause if I tell them or change it.
I don't know what to do. 😕
Written by
DemonEyes
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
11 Replies
•
10 years is a long time to be hating your name, I think if you really really love the one you came up with you should change it, you're the one who's going to be using it not them
If you really want to change it, do it, it is your life. My brother is the only one who calls me by the formal version of my name. I get called my informal name by most people. Years ago my daughters friend who I knew most of her life, came to our house and asked me to call her a completely different name, it was very hard, I ended up saying nothing, but she seemed happy with her new name.
Hi you can call yourself anything you want but don't expect your family or friends to use it as they have known you far too long.
I have a sister called Lindsey but we always call her Lin but she always calls herself Lins and asked us all too as well. Ok not a big change but I said I have always called her Lin and I can't change now x
Growing up I hated my name. It wasn't a common name and my mother insisted people call me by both my first and middle name. I'm not sure when it happened but at some point in my 20's I started to like my name. By then I only used my first name and liked that it wasn't common. The same thing happened with my daughter. She would scream at me because people would mispronounce or misspell her name. Then she came to the realization in high school that her name was beautiful, unique and fit her personality. I don't know what your name is but before you legally change it keep using the name you like for email and gaming accounts etc. Your family doesn't need to know. At some point if you decide to change it go ahead. I guess what I'm trying to say is wait a bit. You're young and may like it again. Names are a label, what's in our hearts is our true identity.
I definitely understand. I identify as genderfluid and so I outgrew my old name and go by another more androgynous name now. It feels a lot better and I am definitely going to change it when I can. I still feel some amount of rage at hearing my legal name though. When I originally talked to my parents about it they were drunk so they were more emotionally honest/volatile which isn't always great but it's easier to talk to them. They were sad at first but I explained my reasons and they listened and now I'm here. They reacted a similar way when I said I'd change my last and middle name too but ultimately when I'm 18, I decide and not them.
My best advice is to put your foot down and tell them why you want to change your name. If they don't understand then maybe try it out with an example by calling them something that THEY hate instead. Idk, maybe I'm just too aggressive but I really think that if you want to then you should change your name. Hope this was semi-helpful? 😄
Genuine curious... what exactly does gender fluid mean? I’ve been told that a person can go to bed a biological male or female and wake up the opposite?! A person can fell more male if female in situations and can switch back and forth thru out a day?!? How does this work? Biology aside how does one feel more like an opposite sex? I understand character traits, stereotype behaviours etc...
I’m not intending offence or anything...I’ve always wondered this....
Oof, sorry I haven't been here for awhile. If you still want the explanation continue reading (first and third block of text is more information to know about what it can mean to be LGBTQ+ and the middle chunk is specifically about what genderfluid means) (also I hope this name change issue has resolved to some degree for you)
1) It's not biological changes. You have your gender, sex, gender expression, and sexuality. Sexuality is who you like/are attracted to. For instance, I'm biologically female and like girls so I just call myself gay. Sex is what you were biologically born as (penis or vagina). Gender is how you feel you are or identify. transgender people for example, their gender does NOT correspond with their sex, so later in life they may transition so that they don't feel gender dysphoria. You can change your sex, but not your gender (it's not a choice to be a certain gender but how you identify or label yourself is). Gender dysphoria is just a general feeling of wrongness with your body and the genitalia accompanying it. If you feel no uncomfortability with your sex, this is called being cisgender (cis for short pronounced "sis"). And in fact if you are cis and start transitioning to the opposite sex, you will then begin to experience gender dysphoria. Gender is also a spectrum. You have girl on one end, boy on another, and the in-between is known as non-binary. Some non-binary people may choose to dress more androgynously or they may not (again, gender expression), whatever feels most comfortable to them usually (unless they live in an unsafe area).
2) I identify as genderfluid. This means that my gender moves along the spectrum and doesn't stay in any one place permanently. Normally for me I stay a gender for a few weeks before floating around the middle some more and winding up on the opposite end. But yes, it's different for others and their gender changing overnight is a possibility. This whole thing can be a pain because you cannot physically change your sex overnight/whenever you feel like it.
3) This is where things like binding, packing, and tucking are quite helpful. Transgender people will often go on hormones ((MTF=MaleToFemale and FTM=FemaleTOMale) MTF will take estrogen and FTM will take testosterone sometimes aka "T"). And while hormones can't do everything, (this is before surgery) you can also take other measures. FTM's may bind ((tape their breasts down or purchase a "binder" (taping is quite often unsafe and can cause permanent lung damage and same thing with a non-personalized binder that doesn't fit right/is too tight. No binder should be worn for more than 8 hours a day either or you guessed it, possible damage to lungs. Also you should never swim or exercise in a binder)) or also "pack" (basically either stuffing their pants or purchasing a "packer"). MTF's may tuck (taping the penis back between the legs, it is also a bad idea to tuck for more than 8 hours a day before it could hurt) or also stuff bras. (Sorry, I don't know as much about MTFs since I'm biologically female so only ever really researched FTM stuff.) Of course, transgender people aren't the only ones allowed to use this stuff. It may also come in handy for non-binary people or cosplayers. Another last important thing are pronouns. Someone may be biologically female (sex) and present themselves in a feminine way (gender expression) but feel not like a girl, but non-binary instead (gender) and feel much more comfortable with they/them. In which case, you should address them by their preferred pronouns to be respectful. It could take some time so just keep trying. Their sexuality has no influence on neither their gender nor sex, but may have slight input as to their attire choices. Eg: a bisexual person might cuff their jeans to show they're bi. Also romantic attraction and sexual attraction are different things. Like an asexual person (feels no sexual attraction to any gender or sex) could be bi-romantic. They could want the same thing as a relationship with someone, minus sex, and feel that attraction for either gender or a no-binary person. They could be considered a bi-romantic asexual. Also, non-binary is an umbrella term for all the gender identities that exist between girl and boy. For example, I am genderfluid, but could also be described as non-binary. "Non-binary" may also be used interchangeably with "genderqueer." They're synonyms: essentially the same thing.
Alrighty then, hope you learned something from this! If you read the whole thing I'm impressed and proud; hopefully you're not confused 😅. I tried not to dispel everything I know per say but a lot came out in a disorganized fashion, I also just talked a lot about it as if you were brand new, better safe than sorry ig. If you have questions I'm trying to be more active on here so hopefully I'll see them. If not, have a wonderful day/night! 😁
Can u not just assume name like a pen name instead of legally changing it? May make it easier and not such a battle for family... it would keep both sides happy?!?
Change it! If you have been hating it that long. Changing your name gives you the ability to change yourself. Sometimes it’s actually what you need to start a new clean slate especially if youve been feeling stuck for a while. Envision yourself with that name permanently is that who you want to be? What other things do you want to do with your life? Envision everything how you want your life to be does that name fit with who you want to be overall? Maybe create a vision board. If at the end of all this the answer is yes then change it and never look back. You should never have to live with a name that you hate.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
The voice in my head won't stop
Anxiety and low mood - Is there such a thing as a quick fix?
Help me pick a new name
Exam insights (the art of acceptance and letting go) 
