Anyone else feeling even more miserable after therapy? Pls help 😭

[Against_the_current]

I was supposed to feel better but i can't stop crying, i took overtime because i was struggling so much and i'm scared i burdened my therapist and that she might have troubles. I felt worse. And i missed my lecture. And i feel like i should have just gone bottle it up instead of opening the wounds. So triggered. I tried multiply therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists. Nothing helps. I feel like i'm useless, unredeemable, a slave of my traumas. I can't heal. I'm broken. It's been an year since it happened and i haven't recovered. And now my therapist says i have even baby traumas. I'm a bag of traumas. My parents just traumatized the hell out of me and i don't know why it happened. I was just born to suffer. What will happen with me? I'm gonna be the crazy cat Lady of the hood People scare their Kids with? I was a good smart person and it all went down. My inteligence, emotional stability, behaviour, health. People go to work and i can't even have a lecture without getting panic attacks. I will end up home less.

[MoldyPenny]

I'm relating to this very heavily at the moment. I'm going through a break up, only time will tell if it's permanent or not, and I can't shake that feeling of being worthless. I wake up everyday counting down the hours until I can go to sleep again. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to, and while I'm not feeling like I want to hurt myself I do feel like it would be easier for everyone (myself included) if I got into my car, drove far away, and never came back. Feel free to message me if you want to talk, having people to talk to and distract from reality is a good thing for me.

[Against_the_current in reply to MoldyPenny]

I also feel so bad that i don't have the guts to end myself and it would be easier to everyone. All i do is suffer. Thanks for being here

[MoldyPenny in reply to Against_the_current]

You don't need to have the guts to end yourself, because your life is worth living. We may both feel that everyone else would be better off without us because we're suffering right now, but it's not true. We just both need to find the people that will support us, and make our lives worth living, not just exisiting.

[Against_the_current in reply to MoldyPenny]

Yes so much. But i can't find such People. All they do is break me mo3

[MoldyPenny in reply to Against_the_current]

I'm right there with you, but I've also realized that I'm very much a contributing factor in people hurting me. It's not that they're hurting me, it's that I'm inadvertently hurting them, and in response they get angry and walk out of my life. I'm 26 and I'm just realizing this now, and I'm only realizing it because I finally hurt someone that I deeply care about. I'm trying really hard to focus on the good things in my life, but it all feels so worthless when the only good thing I want I lost. I want so badly to get help, and get help for me, but I've never cared enough about myself to get help before so I'm scared that if I don't have anyone to get help for that I'm going to stop. It's like I'm stuck in an endless cycle of hope and hopelessness and I don't know how to pull myself out of it this time.

[Against_the_current in reply to MoldyPenny]

I do this too and it hurts like hell. I really want to message someone and i can't because they triggered me and i hurted them. And before them someone i depened not killing myself on, left me out of nowhere right what i was struggling. I guess he realized i'm a hell

[MoldyPenny in reply to Against_the_current]

I feel that. I’m at my worst I’ve ever been, and I only realized that because I hurt the person I love the most. Now he’s gone & I have no idea if he’s ever coming back. Im stuck in limbo & idk how to get out of my current situation.

[Against_the_current in reply to MoldyPenny]

Focus on yourself. What is mend for you, will be yours. Trust the timing. It's okay to grieve but it won't be forever. Hope you feel better soon

[samack]

You had a ptsd reaction. Thats when it feels like you stepped on a bomb and dark negativity spews out. Your therapist should be working on these reactions with you. In the meantime, keep this reaction in a journal if you can. We can't expect to come immediately back to center after these events. Your therapist is trained to handle hearing a lot of deep pain and shame

Do not concern yourself with being responsible for their experience of you.

Lastly, there are untold numbers of us who are already the crazy lady in the hood; cat or no cat.😹

[Against_the_current in reply to samack]

I'm starting to think she can't help me but i don't even remember how many therapists i changed. People my Age be changing boyfriends/girlfriends and i'm changing only therapists. But i'm really concerned she didn't say it's ptsd or recognize it, and that i clearly have it and nobody sees i have it. Also thank you for the response

[ongaku666 in reply to Against_the_current]

From what I know, therapists tend to label issues less purely because they are trying to help you first, but do speak to her and say "I suspect I have ptsd" because this and that and then you ask her what she thinks, have a conversation about this. The idea about therapy is that the process is more important than the labels, but realisation of certain issues is often very validating and I can speak for everybody here when I say 'We hear you!'

[Against_the_current in reply to ongaku666]

Ah yes, exactly. I remember once i told her i'm anxious as hell she told me not to label myself but to focus on the issues (and told me that If we labeled my mom would be bipolar and i freaked out hearing it). And i had a friend who thought every unpleasant emotion was a mental illness and that was toxic as hell. But sometimes it's helpful to call it by its name so i know what is going on and how to respond properly. Thank you

[ongaku666 in reply to Against_the_current]

Absolutely correct! It's so helpful to understand ourselves better with or without labels. Any mental health problem can still be broken down to certain symptoms and we can learn to manage them. I guess therapists see a lot of people labelled or labelling themselves and then giving up on trying to get better.

Funny, I have my mother who also has mental health issues, however given her level of denial I've entirely given up on getting her a diagnosis. When it becomes crippling to their life/wellbeing then you can try to get it diagnosed; but if they survive on their own suffering and ignorance, I guess you're the one to have to manage their behaviours..meh🤷‍♀️

Oh let's not talk about negative emotions then! Only few of us have benefitted from parenting that teaches how to accept and honor our feelings, a truly rare kind of awareness in most parents of few decades ago.

[Against_the_current in reply to ongaku666]

Absolutely. And also having a mentally sick parents refusing to get aware on themselves has been kicking my mental health. Trying to adult now, moving out for university and stuff, but i have Absolutely no idea how because my adult futures are sick and refusing to admit it. And it's so complicated what is an issue, what is an illness, what is both, what am i. So, grateful someone understands

[ongaku666 in reply to Against_the_current]

Ohhh I hear you! It really fucks with your brain when the people you're meant to look up to are so unreliable isn't it?!

I hope you will see some improvement by moving out, making it your safe space without the immediate stressor at your door.

I personally have learnt to see my mother as just another person, with her own history and mental health issues. It's hard I know but if she's unable to show me the level of respect and love I deserve, then I don't need to suffer her behavior. You can be compassionate and understanding but keep boundaries to enable you to heal and stay mentally safe.

It's a long term process, I'm 30+ and still get triggered constantly. As children we have this desperate hope that our parents will meet us in the right way eventually, but unfortunately nobody has taught them a lot of things and they keep retraumatizing us..

I can only suggest you don't take a lot of those bad behaviours personally, but also learn to point them out and try to have a conversation as to why certain things are said, rather than be just reactive.

Ps: Adulting is not really a thing, we're all lost children trying to learn stuff and better ourselves till we are happy with our life, essentially a never-ending quest😆

Pss: oh and it might not seem much but TIME is essential, we give it for granted but healing requires time, learning requires time and it is a very powerful tool especially when you have anxiety and lots of stress, try to give yourself the love and compassion you deserve, a bit like reparenting.

[Against_the_current in reply to ongaku666]

Yeah. Having these parents trauma really fucked me up and i'm so terrified of time and the way it passed.

[notanotter]

Hi Glonk,

You can always ask the therapist about your last session and explain just what you described here. I’ve done that before. To be honest most of them have heard much harder stuff when in training.

It sounds like you need her to reserve time at the end of a session to restore yourself. Ask her help. It’s totally normal to bring up strong, painful feelings in a session! In fact that’s probably a good sign.

Is she a trauma specialist? That can make a big difference in how effective your therapy is.

But otherwise, try not to give up too quickly. I wonder if you’re doing that thing where we find a “reason” to break up with the therapist as soon as they start getting close to our real problem or the work becomes harder. (Just a thought, I don’t know you!)

[Against_the_current in reply to notanotter]

Oh i'm not sure. I'm worried about what is actually going on cause i don't even know whether it's right and i shouldn't stop or that it's getting worse and i'm not getting proper help

[notanotter in reply to Against_the_current]

I hear you.

If it were me, I would ask her to discuss it and explain her therapy plan. If the plan made sense to me, I would keep trying.

[Blueruth]

Therapy is less any being happy and more about being healthy. When you are healthy you are more resilient when bad stuff happens and it is easier to be happier. Talk to your therapist about your reaction. You may have pulled off a bandage. Instead of covering it up you need to give it air.

[quickblizzard]

Hi, Glonk, I feel you. A lot of what you mentioned resonated with me. My therapist back in the day warned me that things might get worse before they get better, and it sounds like that's what's going on with you. It's so hard hanging in there, but while things are so difficult, take extra care of yourself. It may feel indulgent, but while you're working on yourself, you need it. I completely understand that feeling of being a bag of traumas only meant to suffer, but in time I realized that I, like everyone, am so much more than my past and what I've been through. So are you. What you went through hurt you, but it isn't you, and never could be. Look at all that you are. Your arms, your legs, your body, your head, your heart, your soul. Do you think any of that can really be defined by temporary experiences? Not at all. You are far too valuable, and far too precious for that.

I'm also reminded of an analogy I recently read in a book, where it said (and I'm paraphrasing) that reworking our mindsets is like washing the turkey pan at Thanksgiving. You use soap and scrub it, and soon it looks worse than before we started cleaning it, but once it's all scrubbed up and rinsed, it looks good as new. That's what I've been telling myself when I feel the negative thoughts and anxiety coming up: "This is just gunk. This is just gunk. This is just gunk". Hang in there. Sending hugs.

[Against_the_current in reply to quickblizzard]

Thank you so much. I love what you wrote. And so good to hear that it's normal and gets better, to take care of myself during the process and that i'm more of a bag with traumas (hah i love summarizing and listing). Really really appreciate it. Hugs

[rosyG]

I think when you start un burdening with a therapist it can be very painful at first but will get better as you gain insight into what is hurting you so much. That’s why some people don’t try as they know it will be painful. You’re being very courageous abd it will start to feel better

[Against_the_current in reply to rosyG]

Thank you so much!!! I really needed to hear this ❤️