I think depression is creeping

[Against_the_current]

Went to a lecture in university today, it was just an extra lecture, university starts on 26th sep. And for just 2 hours, for just 1 day, i felt like a walflower. I got triggered by the lecture. I'm brain fogged. My friend is mad at me because i wrote her stuff bad. My roommates because i don't clean. I don't want to go to the gym. I just want to sleep all day. I am scared to go to the supermarket and cook in order for them to not scold me so i just order takeaway. I have no energy to go outside, shop, deal with people. And i'm worried i will be scolded for my sleeping and eating schedule, for being lazy. I'm worried what will i work with me being triggered in class and brainfogged to study and triggered by the work. Blaming myself for being a burden studying something i might be not able to work. I might not be able to work nothing. And what will i do? What will i do If i can't afford house to hide in and my food? I don't want to live under a bridge or worse back to mom's. I hate that i became this, but my trauma was never healed. My broken soul just grew up on a weird place like a broken bone without care. I'm different than i was an year and 2 ago. That's why i'm saying it grew up bad. And i'm sorry If i'm lame. Everything is draining. I don't know whether it's depression, seasonal depression, trauma or i'm just pathetic but i just want to be safe, not judged and rehabilitated. I feel too broken to function. How to study, work, sleep and eat right, socialize, when i can't even function? I thought "good at least i didn't give up studying" but what if i should have given up... But i need this time. If i gived up, i wouldn't have this time and place and something to structure my time. I'm tired. I used to always talk bullshit in class and be anxious, now i don't even do that. The bone grew

Note : I was studying online for 2+ years

Note 2 : maybe the weather. Maybe my hormones. Maybe im sleepy. What is going on

[Starrlight]

❤️

[Against_the_current in reply to Starrlight]

❤️

[Blueruth]

I’m seeing the upside. I know it might be hard to see on your own so it is good you posted. You recognize that you are sinking. That is HUGE. THAT right there is self care. Just acknowledging it. There are people on this forum who aren’t there yet (but could be)

Your future isn’t written yet

So how can we help you flip the script? Change your future. What can you do right now to help your self? If you can’t think of anything we can help

I know you can do this.

[Against_the_current in reply to Blueruth]

Thanks. Rn i can't think. My brain is so foggy

[Blueruth in reply to Against_the_current]

Try a fear melter. To get you started try standing and wiggling your body for a full minute. It sounds really silly and it is but they work when you are feeling stuck. I think the sumo would work for you too.

thrive-wise.com/wp-content/...

Fear Melters

[Against_the_current in reply to Blueruth]

Thank you so much!

[Raggedy-Ann]

I understand this and it is really hard to shake off. Start with something easy, take care of yourself. Clean up behind yourself, dishes, clothes... Wash your bedding. It doesn't take long, maybe do 10 min an hour. If you want to be independent, take care of your self. I love to sleep so I will do 30 min of cleaning so I can sleep for 3 hours and have a feeling of accomplishment. I use this system with study time too. Remember just 10 min out of an hour is not a lot. You can do this! Break the crushing depressing cycle. Good luck! you are not alone.

[Against_the_current in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

Thank you!!