What should be private?

So today I woke up in my, what is now the usual, "gloomy" mood. Even when I try hiding it my two people I live with notice right away, we're very close, but like I've mentioned before it's hard to share my feelings with them because they don't really understand how to deal with things like these.

They noticed I was typing on my laptop more than usual and asked what I was doing, I didn't want them to worry or "cause more drama" so I avoided answering, but they kept pushing it. I eventually told them this support group and the usual questions come in "there must be something that happened" , "is it anything we did?" , "how can you not know why you feel sad?" and then "just stop thinking you are sad", "try and be happy".

I regretted telling them and wish I had been better at hiding it instead.

I know they only care, but talking to them gets harder every time because of those questions and "solutions". I love them so much and it hurts that I can't talk.

Some of the reasons I have anxiety and these spontaneous episodes of sadness are partly because of my boyfriend, but it's an issue we've discussed over and over and it just gets dropped without me having any clarity. I've given up at this point and I can't keep bringing it up to him only for him to shut me down.

Am I wrong for hiding my feelings from them? Should I be more open to them? I don't trust my own judgement anymore.

Sorry for such a long rant, but this is the only place I feel comfortable enough to let it out.

[TangledUpIn]

That's cool that you are from South Africa, I've been there😚, beautiful country. As far as telling your friends about Healthunlocked, proceed with caution. Doesn't sound like a lot of personal boundaries in your home unfortunately.

[Hidden in reply to TangledUpIn]

What a small world, I'm glad you enjoyed seeing SA! Thanks for your reply and you're right there aren't many boundaries in the house, we do choose not to keep anything from each other however I think sometimes there are certain things that are far too personal and complicated to even begin to explain. Especially when they've never experienced anything similar.I'll just have to keep this part as private as possible, I have told them that it's something that helps me cope and so far they're all for it, even if they don't understand.

[TangledUpIn in reply to Hidden]

Oh that's a perfect response😉

[Roxylox]

I'm 56, and sadly I would still be hiding the fact that I am on Healthunlocked so much. I think my family would not approve. I don't know if I'm right or wrong in hiding it.

Just want to let you know you are not alone. Like you , l am far better able to express feelings on here than at home.

[Hidden]

Thank you so much for your kind words, I am going to try and explain that I need a little space to work on things. I am afraid of them thinking I'm pushing them away, which I would never dream of doing. I'll have to choose my words carefully I think.

Concerning my boyfriend; I've developed some really bad anxiety and paranoia about our relationship, I caught him on about 3 occasions chatting to other girls online and on dating apps, he even had a tinder profile. On all 3 instances I confronted him about it but unless I shoved evidence in his face he would deny it completely. We would fight, threaten to break up and then he'd apologize and swear he would never do it again. It's been a painful cycle 3 times over.

What's kept me from ending it is the fact he is otherwise a wonderful boyfriend, he would move mountains for me if I asked, he's caring and kind. But the paranoia and anxiety about him and myself is eating at me, I constantly wonder if there's something I did wrong or maybe it's just me that's not good enough. It's done a number on my self-esteem.

I don't know how to approach him without him feeling interrogated.

[Hidden]

It does help a lot to know there are others who share my feelings, it's really a comfort. I think our loved ones care very much but when they don't understand they don't know how to help either, even if they mean well.

Thanks so much for your support, this community is really helping me manage my feelings better.

Wishing you the best.