I wish we all had a 'feelings off' sw... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I wish we all had a 'feelings off' switch

RDC81
RDC81

He promised to see the kids today, my daughter gave up waiting and went out with a friend but all day my son has been waiting and asking him when he's coming round and the reply was "later" then "don't know".

Now all of a sudden he's away and not back till tomorrow evening!

Why didn't he say so in the first place!

I rang him (on my son's phone so he'd answer) but got so sad when he said I don't need to know where he is I ended up wailing like a banshee down the phone till he hung up.

How can someone be so heartless just flip a switch, turn off their feelings and not care what they've done to someone or how they might be dealing with what you did to them

I can't cope right now, I know it's stupid but I like to know the ins and outs of everything and right now because I don't know anything and infuriatingly not getting answers, I can't even breathe.

39 Replies
oldestnewest
Hidden
Hidden

Okay do slow breaths in through your nose out through your mouth. It will help you. I went through the same thing many many years ago after my ex walked out on me & our son, he never did show up. That's on them. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, it's awful. I'm here for you. Love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!

RDC81
RDC81 in reply to Hidden

Thank you xx I just find it so hard, he's told me I don't need to know about his life anymore but after 16 years you can't just suddenly stop.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to RDC81

You need time to heal & it will happen for you! I don't get all people, some are just so mean & nasty....aren't you happy you aren't like that? Hang in there, this too shall pass! Love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!

RDC81
RDC81 in reply to Hidden

I can say some awful things at times but oh boy does it eat at me after, then I feel so bad cuz I can't change it.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to RDC81

Try to say those things in your head as you're smiling at him! Love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to RDC81

Men are so different sometimes, huh? We have to learn how to deal with them in a way that doesn't make us lose it.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

They are able to be trained, hahaha! I know I did it with mine! Have a beautiful day! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

Trained...lol... training wild horses...Oh wait I didn't say that.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

Hahahaha...thanks for the laugh! Maybe like training a dog? Oops did I say that? It only took me 28 years to train mine, patience is a virtue, hahaha! Have a beautiful day my friend, do you have your joy on? I sure hope so! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

Well, I will keep my dog training comment to myself. Bless your heart for sticking with it all those years. Dedication really is a thing.

You have a Lovely Day (Bill Withers song)! <3 :)

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

I don't give up on anything....Al Green, let's stay together! You can share your dog comment with me, maybe I was to harsh for saying that, guys forgive me? Love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

You weren't harsh. Every now and then we have to call it like we see it. No apologies.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

See that's my thing, I do call it as I see it...hahahaha! Have beautiful times today! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

I'm with you!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

Well now you my dear have made my afternoon! More love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

And you have made mine! :)

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

Aaaww thank you so much! Yes more love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!

Sandyxoxx
Sandyxoxx in reply to Hidden

I hope men & women are different. .we sure look different lol

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Sandyxoxx

Yeah most of us have different body parts, but sometimes men and women act the same. :)

Hidden
Hidden

I’m so sorry you and your babies are going thru this right now. Take deep breaths. Can you and your son do something together to possibly get your mind off of the situation? I know that is so hard. Not only do you hurt but then you deal with looking

in your children’s eyes too.

RDC81
RDC81 in reply to Hidden

I feel such a bad mum right now because I'm angry and I've just told them he doesn't care about them and he's chosen his new bit of stuff over them. Now I hate myself for not being able to take that back, they didn't need to hear that. I'm waiting to get help but I'm worried I'm gonna mess them up before then

Hidden
Hidden in reply to RDC81

Talk to them. Tell them he loves them but he is not thinking right right now. Tell them you said that because he made you very angry when he hurt them and you reacted like a lot of people who are in your situation would. You are in pain. And it just sends you over the edge when you know he hurts your kids. You are human. Divorce sucks. It is so hard on those kids too Try to be very careful what you say to them. They are already hurting. Let you be their safe spot. A place where they can go for that hug and reassurance. I’m sending hugs your way. I know it is a tough place to be.

RDC81
RDC81 in reply to Hidden

Thank you xx

Hidden
Hidden

Being in control is a big thing with probably most of us....we all have our own ways of getting that security.

I think your husband's view of the situation is probably quite different from yours so questioning how he can do what he does or feel what he feels is not going to benefit you...

it'll just make you more frustrated.

He may have regrets down the road....who knows....it's nothing new..busy dad..making promises....getting involved somewhere else....etc...etc.

Life goes on.

RDC81
RDC81 in reply to Hidden

His favourite saying was 'life goes on' it's just so painful to even breathe right now.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to RDC81

So sorry you are in this pain. I remember that feeling.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

Seems like most of us get a turn to experience the pain.

Stay strong for your kids and let him know he’s hurting them and it’s not fair to them. Also be careful to not do it in front of the kids. Sorry it has to be hard.

Take a big breath in and out ,then slow it down ,you don't wanna hyperventilate, take a bag n breath in n out till you can slow it down . Hope that helped n my mom used to say ..get a cold glass of water .

Also I been their ,my son was about 7 yrs old n my daughter about 12 yrs old ,when we split up . My son took it harder ,would cry n ask me to call him was every minute .... it was so sad to watch him cry n wonder why smh .... But thank goodness I had a great girlfriend, she help me so much . She said the heck with him ,I'll be over me & my daughter n we'll go to a movie he likes !! Worked . Was so nice to see him happy n smiling :)))))

* not spit lol *split

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Sandyxoxx

funny

Sandyxoxx
Sandyxoxx in reply to Hidden

Ty so I made ya lol cool

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Sandyxoxx

Yep and thank you! :)

hypercat54
hypercat54 in reply to Sandyxoxx

You can amend your reply by clicking on the more button at the bottom of it. x

Sandyxoxx
Sandyxoxx in reply to hypercat54

Tysm, I did it ,learning everyday !

The most difficult part of situations like this is to have to see the disappointment in our kids eyes. My ex did this for years, my kids were 3 & 8 when we split. He let them down often, and finally I told him that he either needed to follow through or not make plans, he quit making plans.... So sad and yet in many ways better for the kids.... Prayers for you as you face this....

RDC81
RDC81 in reply to chaoticjoy3

Thank you xx

chaoticjoy3
chaoticjoy3 in reply to RDC81

Your Welcome!

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