Telling my spouse I'm not OK

[Byelka]

He knows I have anxiety, he knows I've been depressed in the past, but I do a pretty good job of hiding how bad it gets sometimes. I worry that I'll be a burden, that he'll be upset, or that he won't understand, or at worst that he might not believe me (that one is a worse case scenario I know is in my head, but it's still there). I've avoided telling him when it's gotten really bad before, and it's getting there again, but I'm not sure how to do it. I don't want to keep it to myself because it makes me feel so alone to keep it to myself. He's my partner in everything else so why can't I say it out loud to him?

[hurtingheart1]

Wow I really really feel for you💞💞I’ve been struggling with this type issue soo much- Id love more help knowing how to handle these painful issues along these lines as well only my situation is diff. In that I’ve tried to let then know & it’s not had good results😞😔mostly I think cause they are struggling with their own issues & things- it feels soo complex & the weight is soo heavy!!

[Mrspjsmom]

It's scary to share how you feel and hard to describe those feelings. I used to hide mine all the time. But slowly I started finding my voice and telling my husband what depression and anxiety felt like. He can never totally understand but speaking up has made me feel less alone and he worries less often about me. It didn't happen overnight in fact it was a pretty slow process of trial and error. I started by simply saying I felt really depressed and anxious and didn't want to be alone. I couldn't describe it any better than that. Try to find your voice. We all need supportive people and especially supportive spouses.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Don’t leave him out. He loves you.

We name my days. I’m ‘ irrationally irritated’ sometimes. I have ‘blue’ days and the dreaded ‘black’ days. Once I described to him what each one of these meant now all I have to do is say it’s a black day or I am irrationally irritated and we take it from there and honestly once I voice it it starts to go away. I don’t need to go into the details of how I feel every time now that he understands what each one of my moods mean.

[Hidden]

Say it and get support. I had to share it with my husband when we met and he helped with my healing. You need a partner to help care for you and monitor your emotions. I needed my husband when I was hospitalized years ago and to help watch me to make sure we catch the signs earlier. Don't hide it. It will only hinder your progress.

[Simpsons]

I really feel for you. I’m single so don’t have the same problem as you. I have shared though with friends and family just so they know where i’m at. I realised they can’t empathise with what’s going on with me but at least they know. I have tried in the past to hide what’s going on with me and you end up putting so much more pressure on yourself. Please if you can share how you are feeling, it will hopefully give you a sense of relief. Sending you a big hug and take care.

[Hidden]

It's hard explaining to someone that doesn't really understand, but you really need to let your husband know, he loves you so that includes every part of you. My husband knew I had anxiety but I never really let him know how serious it was until recently and he's doing his best to just be there with support, which is all I really want.

[Hidden]

I’d go see your doctor and tell him then make another appointment and have your spouse go with you. This way it’s a team effort. Tell your husband the doctor wants to you and asked him to come to go over some details he’ll ask why say he wanted you to come because you’re not doing well and need his input. Men are fixers if they can’t fix it they get upset. So this way he feels he’ will feel doing his part. He may initially be mad or frustrated when you ask but in the end it will be very helpful. If you explain to the doctor this plan he will totally (the doctor support it). That’s what I did with my x husband and with the doctors help he was more helpful.

[Chanshan]

only you will know whether to share or not based how kind your spouse to your issues. Sometimes it makes it worse as they don't understand and think we are using it as excuse.

[LadyO4]

I agree with you about him being open to everything else, so why not this? I think many people, unless they experience it themselves, never really know the depths of despair to which a human being can fall into. They are taken to dark places against their will and feel so utterly helpless and hopeless. I have been there so I know this to be true. The battle is real.

Since we are designed to crave meaningful relationships and seek out our securities through them, it's no wonder that the absence of freely talking to your husband is just escalating the problem. I wouldn't be surprised to hear you say that is partially contributing to the problem.

Have you sought counsel from a faith based Christian counselor on this? I believe someone in this capacity can help you uncover the many layers of concerns that come with this type of break in the marriage.

You need not face this fear alone, and I would like to pass along to you the phone number of an organization of trained people who are totally committed to listening to your dilemma and steering you in the right direction. You can call

855-382-5433 to hear a kind and loving voice at the other end. If you need a little boost of encouragement about doing this, feel free to write back. I'll be praying for you.